My LiFe

Bad day again...

2006-05-03T00:54:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Wat a stupid n bad luck for today man!!! Haiz... Get cut here n dere at work!! Dono wat i doin oso?? Tot is a new type of chutes but the packin stil almost the same, but i stil get ct here n dere!! God... Don reali dare let other ppls know too... Coz should get say by dey wan!! So is batte not to say out n jus keep packin ba!! Reali so tired man!! Aft AMFF ppls wen left only the few ppls workin everydays... N is lyk nv end for the job wan lor!! From 20+ gals workin unil nw only 7gals n guy to ork is reali wan die man!!! AMFF gone shootin oso gone reali no ppls liao man!!! Dan til kep add jump task to it!! B4 AMFF n shooter wen out we stil got 400+ parachutes nw only left 200+ by everyday try pack 20+ or 30+ to add until 200+ wan lor.. But next week have to use 175for jump again!!! Left dono how many only lor!! GOD!!!! When wil we finish the chutes??? E REALI NEED BREAK!!! Luckly 15/05/06 dey r goin to bring us out for outin!! A day of break!! But don be happy yet, coz nw last min add jump task dono stil wil have not?? If don have we have to pack chutes AGAIN!!!! OH....MY......GOD.... AR!!!!!!! Haiz... We r jus a human tat need break n rest wan lor!!! Not say tat we work so hard ppl wil know or have more money!!! Stil get the same pay!!! N even workin wif us tat wong oso wun say wah.. u r work so hard or wat lor!! I believ she should wil say somethin bad to OC tat how bad n lazy we r only n she work so hard only!!I reali cant wait to c the day her son get into army lor!! I wan c how her son wil get by the way she do to us nw!!! I believ tat her son one day wil get wat she do to us wan lor!! Maybe nw the son is stil young, but one of the day he wil stil need go army!!! I wil pray hard tat her son wil get even more poor dan us man!!! Al thank to wat her mother lyk to do nw lor!! I wil nv forget wat she done n say b4!!!!! Haiz.. Tot of wait for my gf to come back from dinner wif her family dan can talk awhile, but she say she very tired liao.. Haiz.. Everythin change liao!! i cant understand... Haiz..

Back again..

2006-04-24T12:07:00.000+08:00

Wah..... Very very long nv come n type liao.. Hmm.. Don reali have the time to on my com.. so yap... Hmm... Life is stil the same as b4.. nothin change n nothin come n go.. Buy 4D oso nv win.. Sain.. haha... So hope tat can win 4D n toto man... So tat i can do n buy lots of thin tat i wish to have!!! Hehe... Hmm... Ya.. today somethin gd is tat mi n my gf 4th month ann liao.. Hehe... Hmm.. Say fast not fast o slow not slow oso.. Jus pray hard tat can stay until 4yrs ven more gd man!! Haha.. But don think too much batte.. If nothin get hurt wun wil alway be mi!! Wah so hunger nw man... Haven eat yet... Sain.. Y is my gf stil slpin?? So pig pig wan leh.. Sain.. Think jus end here goin to make a cal to wake her up... Update again next ime bout mi.. Hehe..

Mc day..

2006-04-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

Hehe.. Tk mc again.. Reali don feel lyk workin for today!! N last nite nv get to slp well.. Hmm.. My hand oso pain since lat week until nw liao!! Dono wat to do nw?? Thinkin of watch vcd dan go slp awhile dan c how ba!! My pig pig dar stil slpin nw!! Haha.. Sain.. So much thin to fan nw.. Feel very happy tat goin to move house soon.. But maybe stil ned 1 or 2 month dan can.. But is ok.. Batte dan no chance!! When move house i goin to have a room by myself liao!! Hehe.. But oso very scare i cant make it!! Everymonth have to pay alot n if my bro n mother half way back up i reali wil die lor!! Haiz.. Pray very hard tat dey wun play mi out ba!! If not i wil jump down n let dem c man!! Haha.. I goin to make my room very nice!! N must be very clean dan my room nw!! Lyk a dog place!! Cant make it man!! N the best is i don have to c al the stupid cat tat outside my house anymore!! don have to care the cat wil jump into my house or my shoe at outside have cat to lyin on it al the thin tat happen nw!! So hate it man!!!!! If only i can kill al the cat outside nw!! I reali hate ppls tat know how to give the cat eat but dono how to clean it!! Make until so many ant outside my house n even inside oso have alot alot lor!! Everydays hav to clean the house, but don care how we clean oso stil come back!!! Haiz.. Y the stupid SPCA cant tk al the cat away??? N dono wat the fuck the ppls is thinkin?? Dey buy the chicken head give the cat eat dan say is my dog eat wan!! PLS LOR!!!!! I wil nv give my dog eat outside the house wan lor!! N i don lyk dem eat wat chicken head lor!!!!!!! Know how to do dan push al the thin to other ppls!!! Gd tat the mother beat dem lor!!! But the mother oso same wan lah.. no diff!! Haiz.. As wat chinese say.. Got mother got son!! N the tupid father only know how to drink.. N everynite lyk to c gal only!! Stupid man!!!! Hate tis typ of guy!! Useless ppl!! Nw the child oso don scare of him n even wil throw him out if he do somethin wron!! HAHA.... al be gd!!! Tat's y i wil hate guy so much!! Coz of al tis guy!! N guy only look for sex!! I dan don wan guy man!! Hmm.. k lah.. Stop here, wan go watch vcd dan slp liao.. Hehe..

Sad

2006-03-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Very long nv type anythin liao.. Dono wat to type oso?? Coz don reali have any gd thin happen to mi.. Be sick for 1weeks plus liao.. Haiz.. If by monday stil the same think i wil go c doctor liao.. Think i reali need go for a check up, i keep get sick very easy al tat.. Haiz.. How gd it wil be if i can jus get cancer n faster die away.. Haiz.. Don need to get sick or fan for anythin liao.. Haiz.. Lie... Wat reali life is?? Can anyones tel mi?? Life is jus lyk game, but tis game is not fun at al.. Or maybe i should say tat i am a person tat is no life wan.. Coz i don reali know how to go enjoy myself.. Tats y my life in so sad n so down ba.. Haiz.. I jus wish tat my game can jus faster game over.. Tis wil be the most fun ba i think.. Haiz.. At my leg ok i reali need to go for a jump liao.. Coz i nv jump for 6month liao lor.. God... Goin to scare to die again liao.. Each time go for a jump reali scare mi alot, but i stil go for jump.. Even get hurt or at stil go for it!! Coz i know tat my life is not worth.. So y not go do somethin tat even i scare!!! At less i wun hate myself for nv do it when i reali die!! I can be happy of when i think back at i have done in my life b4!! gd rite?? Haha... Haiz.. K lah.. Got to stop here, have to go over my dar house nw liao!! If not quarry again liao.. Haiz..

3more month!!

2006-02-17T01:59:00.000+08:00

Hehe.. So happy.. Know wat?? In 3more month i wil be movin house soon liao!! I wil have my own room n my house!! Hehe.. But of coz oso have some unhappy thin, but nothin i can do oso!! Haiz.. But nothin much diff oso!! Coz stil tamp move to tamp!! N from 3rom to 4rom!! Ya.. I more diff is i have to pay for the new house liao!! The price for tat house very ex oso!! $245000!!! Have to pay up to 30yrs!! God.. By tat time i oso goin to 32 soon ba!! But stil ok lah.. Coz i know tat by tat time i stil have a house for my own n i have a place tat is reali mine!! Haha.. Hmm.. Nw reali have to work very very hard liao!! Coz i have to pay for my bike(lao po) n a new house!! I know is not tat easy, but if i don work hard for nw dan when i gettin old how?? Nw i stil young i can try i can go for hard, but when i gettin old time i cant do anythin!! So i reali have to work hard nw!! Play anytime oso can play!! Nw everythin talk about money!! Even wan go play oso use money lah!! So i have to work hard!! Goin to look for a part time at nite!! Mornin work in army, dan nite work other job ba!! Wil be very hard but think i stil can do it ba!! Unless i can win a big TOTO or a 4D lah!! Haha... Hmm.. Hope tat tis new house can reali let mi win a big 4D first dan i can reali do somethin on tis house to make it more nice!! Haha... Yap yap.. Hmm.. K lah.. Think stop here liao.. Tml stil got somethin to do!!

My AMFF gone!!!

2006-02-13T12:05:00.000+08:00

Wat a very sad thin i know again!! Haiz.. Jus back from camp n know tat i reali don have anymore chance to go AMFF tis yr liao!! I have to wait for next yr again liao!! Haiz... I be waitin for so long n nw jus coz of my leg everythin gone!! If nly i know i wil oso do the same thin lyk wat other ppls wil do!! TK OFF!!!! Haiz... If only i don go c doctor maybe i stil can go, but nw.. Everythin gone!! Haiz.. Reali hate it so much lor!!! Haiz.. Don have any mood nw!! Jus lyk my mood have gone wif my AMFF!! Haiz.. Tat's jus seen lyk so much thin in my mind nw, but i dno how to say out oso?? Maybe i jus get use to keep everythin to myself dan say out ba!! Haiz.. I can only say the feelin tat i have nw is reali s sad!! Waitin for 2yrs liao dan nw jus gone!! Everyones wil say wait for one more yr lor.. But the feelin is so sad lor!! I should be gone it at last yr wan lor!! Jus coz one of the ppl nv wen yet dan she tk over my place to go last yr, dan who know tis yr wil lyk tis!!! Haiz... Who can understand the feelin nw?? Haiz.. Reali wish tat i am very rice nw, so tat i don have to worry so much n wun be sad, coz i can go dere myself! Haiz.. But i think i can maybe go in my dream nw liao ba.. Haiz.. Not everythin jus wish wil be truth!! If reali wish wil happen think everythin i wish have come truth liao lah!! Haiz.. SAD AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haiz....

Pig leg..

2006-02-02T19:46:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Know wat?? I gt a one big pig leg nw man.. Haiz.. Reali dono how to say oso lah.. Haha.. Al thank to myself for wat i did.. If not my leg wun be a pig leg nw lah... Sain... Wan go out oso cant go out.. Coz have to hold dan i can move aroun... Sain leh.... Get laugh by ppls oso.. God.... Hehe.. But k lah.. Stil fun lah.. Stil can dance (tot i dono hw to dance) Hehe.. But stil can make fun lah.. Haha.. Tot abit sain coz cant reali go out, but i wil stil go.. Haha.. Who care man... Haha.. Dono wat to type oso?? Coz type in other blog liao.. Haiz... K lah.. Stop here ba.. Next time dan type again ba.. Yap yap..

CNY..

2006-02-01T15:00:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Happy new year to whoever wil read my blog ppls.. Hehe.. Today everyones start wirk or sch again liao, very sain rite!! Hehe... Hmm.. But ok lah.. If not everyones goin to turn to a pig pig liao, coz keep eatin dan nv do anythin!! Haha.. Tis yr is dog.. Hmmm... I wish tat everythin wil be very very gd n stay long long wif my dar.. N of coz wish to be more more rich!! Haha.. Wish ar wish, u must come truth k.. Hehe... Nw stay at hm, my dar is workin.. So sad... But oso gd lah.. She work dan i oso work dan can save more money to go oversea!!! Hehe.. By jun must save money dan can go oversea liao.. Haha.. Tats i have be pray for very very long man!! Hmm.. 2more month dan have to go AMFF liao man... Haiz.. Abit scare scare man.. Yap.. Hmm... hehe.. mi n my dar have stead for 1month plus liao.. But the feelin lyk very long, coz maybe we once b4 2gether ba.. Haha.. But dan care wat.. I stil hope tat mi n my dar can last very very long!! The best is don break up lah.. Haha.. Hmm... Tat dan first day of chinese new year is reali not my day man!!! Fall down from my bike, n hurt my leg!!! So stupid lor... Haiz.. Dan nw the leg stil in pain n cant reali walk or run at al lor!! But think is gettin batte liao ba... Lucky my lao po nothin happen!! Leg stil can c doctor but my lao po anythin happen dan my heart even more pain dan anythin man!! Haha.. But tat dan the pain is reali too much until abit cant tk it lor!!! Haiz... Al my wron lah.. Learn so much thin for wat?? Don learn dan nothin wil happen liao lah... Nw leg lyk tat al thank to myself lor.. Haiz.. Hmm... N my poor dober.. The whole body nw lyk the last time my leg man.. Haha... Hmm... K lah... Think end here.. Go bath for him batte... LAst.. Dar.. I luv u.. N happy chinese new year everyones!!

Back...

2005-12-30T14:11:00.000+08:00

Hmm... So long nv type my blog liao man!!! Think 2week plus ba.. Hehe.. Coz was out until nv got the time to rest oso man!! Wah... Goin on lyk tis i sure die one day man! Haha.. Nothin much to say oso lor.. Coz everydays jus the same only.. Not too happy or not too sad.. Jus sometime cant believ somethin.. Haiz.. So fast goin to 2006 liao!! Jsu wish tat everythin wil be gd n let mi have a real new start man!! Don wish to have any bad thin happen again!! Jus lyk pass a few days only, but is goin to 2006.. sure say not bad or wat?? But watever lor.. Even turn 2009 or wat i stil think everythin jus the same!! Coz i jus seen to lost my happy liao!! My real happy dono gone to wher oso liao?? Haiz.. Hope tat i can jus forget everythin tat happen in 2005 n get ready for 2006!! Yap.. No point to rem or keep it for wat have happen!! Wil only make myself more sad n unhappy!! So ya.. I wil try to forget it!! Tat's life man!! Haha.. Hmm... Att... Am i reali att nw?? I oso dono?? Half half ba.. So don ask mi wat is half half oso!! Coz i oso dono?? Haha.. Haiz.. Somehow i oso abit lyk not use to it!! Be single for 1yr plus liao, dan nw.. Dono lah.. Dn wish to think so much over it oso! Jus let it be ba.. Think so much oso no use.. Yap.. Sain.. Think go rest first ba.. Tnite dono wan out until wat time again liao?? Tired man.. Haiz..

Cyn:
Read ur blog dn seen to be gd.. But watever
It is.. Try to forget it or wat k.. Stay happy batter!!
If reali sad n need someone to talk too can always
cal mi or wat!! A new yr is comin so try to be more
happy k.. Forget wat have happen in tis yr..
Tk it as a dream only, when u wake up everythin
is ver n start a new wan k!! Wish u gd luck n al the best!!

???

2005-12-23T12:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Be very long nv type liao, coz keep wen out until can next day mornin or wat... Nv reali get to rest or slp since last week until nw.. So tired man.. Haha.. But stil ok lah, coz did reali enjoy oso!! Hmm.. Today last min got a half day off man.. Haha.. Tat's y can come back early to rest first, if not tonite wil die man.. Haha.. Hmm.. Heard u say u r att nw, feel happy for u.. Hope tat u wil reali get happy wif the one u have nw ba!! Try to forget the old wan n luv the new wan ba.. Haha.. Yap... Hmm... Dno y nw keep listen to endless love.. Jus feel so lyk tis sng, n aft listen wil somehow feel abit sad.. Sad for wat i oso dono?? Jus feel sad for tis song.. Haiz.. Wil feel sad but stil keep wan listen to the song.. So stupid rite.. Haha.. Watever ba.. Lyk dan can liao lor.. Ya.. tat fong p.p reali best man!!(my workin ppl).. Fall from the bike dan cant come back to work, but can go oversea somemore!! Reali nothin to say!! But gd oso lah.. Don need to c her for few days!! Hehe.. So hate her so much lor!!! Haiz.. Feel lyk drinkin nw, but abit the very early lor.. Haha.. Maybe tonite dan c how ba.. Yap... Haiz.. endless love.. Wat reali cal endless love?? Love reali have endless??? I don believ it!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Maybe i don believ it, coz i nv got the feelin b4 for endless love tat's y i wil say i don believ ba.. Dono lah.. Haiz.. Think stop here b4 i start al the stupid thin out again ba!! Haha.. Go type in my other blog batter.. Hehe.. Yap.. Anyway is christmas tis sunday.. At here i jus wish everyones happy m'christmas hope everyones wil enjoy tis day ba!!

Secon time again!!

2005-12-10T16:23:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Secon time i drink n ride again last nite!! God man... How can it be lyk tis!!! Tot i did told myself if wan drink dan don ride, if wan ride dan don drink.. But.. Stil.. Haiz.. Hehe.. But very lucky stil can get hm n slp... Haha.. Haiz.. No.. I reali have to stop al tis!! B4 reali one day somethin happen to mi!! Haiz.. Mit Mq go CM last nite.. N was lot of fun, but is not wif her!! Haha.. Hmm.. tot CM have lot of black n malay, but stil ok lor.. The musie not reali nice oso lah.. Haha.. But i stil play until lyk mad man!! Haha.. Hmm.. Nothin much to say oso leh.. Sain.. K lah.. Think jus end here, reali think of nothin to type liao.. Hehe.. Maybe next time dan try type more ba.. Yap yap.. Tk care..

Cyn:
U r welcome.. Tk care too..

Don be sad n try hard!!

2005-12-06T20:19:00.000+08:00

Nothin much to say in here today, but one thin.. I jus read her blog, n know tat she cant make it for her test.. Haiz.. So i jus type thin on here, tot i dono wil she come n read my blog again not?? But watever it is.. I jus type..
*cyn:
Dono wil u come n read my blog not?? But watever it is..
I jus wan to tel u don be sad!! Try more hard for ur re-test,
don give up even is only 20 or wat!! So long u know tat u can make it!!
I may not know how u reali feel nw, but i know tat fail is not a gd thin!!
Coz i be fail for al my test since young!! So.. Try more hard n study more!!
But don over study!! Coz once u over it, u cant get anythin into ur mind wan!!
So don push urself too much!! But oso try more hard!!
Yap.. Tat's al i think.. Stay happy always ba.. Al the very best to u!!!
Gd luck n everythin u do!! Tk care..

Yap... Nothin much liao ba.. Coz stil the same life i have.. Haha.. Hmm.. Ya... My dear cousin debble ar!! When is the date tat we al goin to mit up again?? N wher r we goin too?? Abit jus cant wait for tat day to come!! Haha.. But one thin leh.. I don wan get scold by mama!! Coz of my stupid father lah... Go tel mama say tat i ridin bike nw, dan she say gal should not ride!! God.. Abit scare to c her nw.. Haha... Hmm.. Nvm the most tat day i don ride my bike!! Hehe.. So sain nw.. Tis few days at work dere nothin to do dan keep ABC...-Act BuCy...-Hehe.. K lah.. batter dan buzy until wan die.. Haha.. Yap.. Think end here liao ba.. Nothin much to type oso liao.. Yap yap.. Tk care n try ur BEST k.. Dn be sad!!!

Jus wake up man...

2005-12-04T20:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm.... So tired nw man... Coz from last mid nite 4plus slp until nw bout 7plus dan wake up!! Stil can slp wan, but get cal up by my father!! Haiz... So tired nw.. How i wish i can slp al the way until tml dan wake up dan go work!!! Hehe.. Hmm.. few days nv type anythin in my blog oso liao!! Was out until very late dan back hm n slp!! Die man.. Since i got bike i nv reali stay hm n rest, keep out wif frien!! N last nite was a very angry day for mi oso!! Keep go wron way, dan al tis oso thank to my frien man!!! Don wan to say wan go wher, dan al jus dive n ride away!!!! Stupid!!! But stil ok lah... Coz i keep lost the way, dan i learn some way can go wher n how to get back to my hm!! Hehe.. Hmm.. Ya.. Since i start ride my bike friday was the only time i reali so scare of it!! Coz i was out wif other frien tat nv drive wan to go for some drink!! Dan.. I did tel myself i cant drink, but maybe can abit abit only!! But.. When the song start i oso reali gone liao!! Coz i nv stop myself n keep drink!!! Drink until finish dan rem i ridein later back hm!! God!!! Haha.. Dan when goin back hm time i reali abit the lost liao!! But stil try to be ok!! Dan when on my way back, i reali so scare get road check man!! So i try up to 120cc, jus to try faster get out of the way n get hm!! God.. Know wat?? Up to 120cc i stil don feel anythin, lyk i jus use up to 40cc only!! Hmm... Nw i jus get use to ride fast dan slow!! But ok lah.. So long i stil ok... Haha... Got somethin keep on comin to my mind tis few days.. But i jus try to stop think of it!! Coz i know it wil nv be truth n i don think is time yet!! As i did ask my frien, n tat's wat dey told mi too!! But even if time reali come, wil i reali do it?? Haiz.. Some how i oso get use to wat i am nw liao!! Haiz.. But maybe jus coz of my mum!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Jus wait n c how first ba!! Wah.. Die man.. I reali so tired nw man!! Cant go back slp oso, later wil get F by my father man!! So poor thin.. Hehe.. Hmm.. Thu was a funny day oso man.. Was in too last min to go n buy a cake, dan i wen to 7-11 to buy a butte cake n a beer al the way down to woodland, jus to celeb birthday for JH.. Haha.. Tot was a stupid thin, but jus let her stay happy in her birthday ba!! Haha.. Somemore stil ask mi to sing a birthday song for her!! God.. Lucky the beer nv break.. Haha.. Hmm.. K lah.. End here, got to type my other blog.. Hehe.. Last.. JH.. Hope u reali enjoy ur birthday tis yr!!

Bad day again...

2005-11-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Today is a bad day again for mi!! Haiz... Sain... Get scold by tat stupid mad wong again!! Tot is my wron oso, but not only mi alone ar!!! Tat's few more ppls oso lor!! Y must it be mi the only one to get scold?? Even joyce my frien oso wil say, not mi alone wron nw lor.. Y first one to get scold is mi n oso the only one only!!! Haiz... Pls lor.... Who can think of next yr one whold yr wat wil happen??? When u wil tk leave?? If everythin can know, dan i wil win 4D liao lah... Haiz... So bo liao lor... Jus don understand wat the old wan is thinkin lor?? Some rules tat in army nv have, but in our side we have!! Dan stil wan say tis is army rules!! Don be stupie lah.... Is not say we nv have other camp frien wan lor!!!Even don have, stil got somethin cal internet wan lor!!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Aft wrok liao dan everythin oso throw away liao!! Nw jus feel so tied n wan slp only!! Since i got my lao po until nw, i can say almost everydays out until mid nite dan back hm n slp next day go work!! Wah... Wil die man!! Cant tk it soon liao... N dono wat reali happen to my back oso??? Since last week or last last week until nw, my stupid back stil pain!! N is gettin more n more pain n cant reali move my hand or head!!! But no one seen to believ mi... Haiz... Is reali in pain lor... Ya.. I reali hate runnin, but tis two week i reali not feelin tat wel lor!!! Haiz.. My whold back is in pain, i oso dono how i get al tis?? Think the feelin is gd izit?? Jsu lyk chinese word say.. Sheng bu ru shi lor... Haiz... Wah... Goin to rain again liao... Haiz.. Sain.. Tis few days keep think of somethin, which is lyk i tryin not to think or find!! Keep get ask by frien some qus oso!! Which is i oso try not to asn wan!! Haiz... Pls jus stop askin mi somethin tat i reali don lyk man!!! Haiz... Dono lah.. Tis few days jus don reali feel any gd.. N my mood can jus change anytime again!! Haiz.. Maybe reali reali very tired ba... Don lyk the feelin nw!!Lyk nv slp for very long lyk tat, dan so tired... Haiz.. K lah.. think go bath dan go slp liao ba!! Reali wan close my eye liao man!! HAiz... I don wan to be a pig ar!!! Hehe..

Turn back???

2005-11-25T20:54:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I keep wil ask myself one thin nw!! Wil i turn back one day??? I dono y tis thin keep come into my mind oso?? Funny rite?? Hmm... Jus wat have happen to mi?? But tot i wil ask myself tis thin, but i stil don feel lyk turn back!! Hehe... Wah... Today is friday liao man!! Haha.. So happy!! But cant slp late oso tonite!! Coz tml have to wake up at 7am... Sain.. Dan aft tat stil got weddin dinner at cck!!! Sain ar!!! Haiz.. Today when workin time i keep talk to rayner!! Is lyk.. I stil rem wat have happen not long ago thin wif her, but i stil talk to her coz of tml thin!! I can nv ever forget wat have happen tat time!!! Coz of tat thin, nw my hand is so diff from other hand liao!! Nw my right hand cant reali do much thin liao n it wil pain anytime he lyk!! Haiz.. But jus have to act lyk i forget wat have happen tat time n nw everythin is ok!! Tot nw i don reali care bout wat have happen, but it wil always stay in my mind tat wat have happen!! A frien a workin ppl have did to mi!!! Haiz.. Forget it.. Don say liao.. Haiz.. My body reali goin old liao man!! Keep feel pain n funny funny at my back man!! Last week did hurt my back, until nw stil not ok yet!! Sain.. Jus wait n c how ba.. If pay day stil lyk tat dan go c doctor ba!! Nw oso cant go c.. Coz no money liao... Poor mi.. Coz of wan to buy my lao po.. N yesterday jus jump on only, dan only left few ppls to work tis few days how to go report sick?? Such wil get scold man!! Dan don wan man!! Nv get scold for few week liao, don wish to lyk last time again!! So sain... Later goin to pasir ris park alone!! Hehe.. A place tat i use to go whenever i don feel gd or happy last time!! Very long nv go liao!! Later feel lyk goin dere to listen to the sea!! It wil make mi feel batte n gd!! Haiz.. Not reali say very fan nw, but jus feel lyk goin dere lor.. Coz i listen to the song i lyk the most!! Sea of love!! Is a techno song, tat can make mi think of 6yrs ago thin!! Haha.. So much fun lor!! Haha... Too much until i oso cant tk it when think back!! Hmm.. Time pass very fast oso!! Lyk tat oso pass for 6yrs liao!! It jus seen lyk only few days ago only!!! Happy thin wil always pass the most fast wan... When wil i have the feelin of tat again?? Reali enjoy ourself so much until lyk no ppls care lor!!! Haha.. Hope tat tis type of day can be back again n reali let mi go enjoy myself as much as i can!! Don have to think of work or anythin!! Sain.. K lah.. Go bath liao.. Al the best n study hard ba.. Tk care.. Miz ya.. (know who u r) Yap yap..

Sea of luv
Don u let mi go, don u ever let it show,
i wil cry in the sea of luv, the star wil always shine,
n i gonna let u make u mine.. tonite.. tonite..

Don u nv let mi go, don u ever let it show,
i wil cry in the sea of luv, the star wil always shine,
n i gonna let u make u mine.. tonite.. tonite.....

i believ the way u ever,somedays
when i down n feelin blue, you come n save,
have u ever reali c the rain.. o..oh...
have u ever touch the blue blue sky,
have u ever reali c the fallin star,
here we cry tonite...

Don u nv let mi go, don u ever let it show,
i wil cry in the sea of luv, the star wil always shine,
n i gonna make u mine.. tonite.. tonite...

i wan u, i need u, n my heart is spall softish baby..
If u leave mi tis evening, i wil nv sing the song lyk again..

Nv feel wat luv can do to u, coz i believ we find a way,
tis i say to u, have u ever reali c the rain.. o..oh..
have u ever reali touch the blue blue sky,
have u ever c the fallin star,
here we cry tonite...

Don u nv let mi go, don u ever let it show,
i wil cry in the sea of luv, the star wil always shine,
n i gonna make u mine.. tonite.. tonite...

i wan u, i need u, n my heart is spall softish, baby..
if u leave mi, tis evening, i wil nv go sing the song lyk again,

sea of luv, sea of luv...

have u ever reali c the rain o..oh..
have u ever reali touch the blue blue sky,
have u ever c the fallin star,
here we cry tonite.....

Don u nv let mi go, don u ever let it show,
i wil cry in the sea of luv, the star wil always shine,
n i gonna make u mine.. tonite.. tonite...

I wan u, i need u, n my heart is spall softish.. baby..
if u leave mi, tis evening, i wil nv go sing the song lyk again..~~

Wat a bad luck day n tired..

2005-11-24T22:09:00.000+08:00

Haiz.... Reali a bad day man.... Early in the mornin saw a fine of $25 at my bike today!!!! So sad lor.... Haiz... Pass few days got out dan nv come, only last nite nv only dan get fine liao... Stupid lor!!! Is not i don wan oso lor... Is coz of the bike shop nv give mi back my insurer dan i cant go buy the season parkin ticket lor!!! Haiz... But... Ok lah... Pay a $25 dan my bro pass his PSLE.... Lyk i pay for the pass lyk tat... Hehe.. Jus nw he oso very gd!!! Told mi say he pass liao, dan awhile later msg mi n ask mi go ride him back hm at other place!!! Gd rite??? Haha... But stil ok lah... Hmm... Nw on the road i only scare is lost only!! Haha.. Cz i stil don reali know the road so wel yet, dan ask mi go oso abit the hard lor... But to some place i stil know very wel!!! Haiz.. But too bad... Coz even i know oso no use!! Coz i wun be goin dere anymore n dono got the chance oso not?? Haiz... So... Jus forget it ba... Batte know other road faster ba... Yap... My god... Jus saw the news say tat aroun tamp 700plus dere carpark got fire somemore is on bike again!!!! Not the first time liao lor!!! God ar!!!! Don play mi man!!! Haiz... Nothin can go wron wif my lao po man!!!! Hmmm..... Today when workin time.. Out of no wher my mind think of somethin!! Is lyk... I oso dono is to be happy or sad?? Haiz... N tis few weeks feel very tired... Nv slp late oso lor.. Haiz.. Think reali old liao lah... Hehe.. Die man.. Jus turn 21 only dan keep think i old liao... Die man.. Haha.. Hmm... Wil she msg mi?? Or she wil choose to give up?? Haiz.. Dono lah... Don think so much batte... Yap.. K lah.. got to end here liao... Stil not yet bath man!! Should go bath dan go slp liao, tot nw only 10plus.. But stil think slp early batte ba... Cant tk it keep feel tired!! k... Tk gd care n al the best to u ba.. (someone).. Miz ya..

Time...

2005-11-22T12:32:00.000+08:00

Wil time reali can help everythin?? Can time reali make mi to forget everythin tat i try so hard to forget?? I reali dono?? As i did type in my blog b4 say tat time wil not help mi to forget but to make mi rem wat have happen!! Haiz.. I dono wat to say nw oso?? I jus don believ in time anymore!! Haiz... How i jus wish tat nothin have happen b4!!! Maybe nw everythin is stil ok n stay happy... Is al my wron to make thin go until lyk tis!! N wat i did i have get back liao!! Haiz.. Be frien back nw wil somethin bad happen again?? Wil u say end to mi again?? I jus too scare nw!! Coz i reali don wish tat al tis wil happen again n again!! Is reali hurt n sad!!! Haiz.. I dono.. If u reali think tat al tis wil nv happen again, u can jus msg mi first!! Coz of tat time i start msg u first, dan somethin bad happen.. I jus think tat whenever i make the first move somethin bad jus happen!! Nw i jus too scare to make the first move liao!! Haiz.. Can we reali back to the last time we use to be??? Al the happy n swt thin we use to have, wil it come back again??? How i jus wish it wil!!!! Haiz.. Al the happy thin keep on in my mind to make mi think of it!! But is al over so fast, until seen lyk no one can tk it or think of it!!! Y wil it be lyk tis?? Y don i know how to hold on to it?? If only the time can jus turn back, i wil reali hold on to everythin n nv let go again!! Coz wat's gone is forever gone!!! N i jus regert forever too!!! Haiz.. Life is stil not reali wen back to my same old life yet.. Dono wher is the old life i use to have gone too?? How can i find it back?? Wil it be back itself?? How i wish tat i can jus have someone to talk too again... N share al the happy n unhappy thin again n nv lost it!!! Haiz.. Life is reali jus lyk a game.. Can nv be re again, doncare wat we move wron we can only go on n nv stop!! Coz wen u stop everythin wil be game over!!! N when u lose in the game it wil be game over liao!! Alot of thin maybe can jus think of it only, n nv pray for turn back!! In my life i think i reali make alot of wron thin!!! Too much until dono got how many oso??? Haiz.. N whenever i know i do somethin wron is al too late n i stil wun learn from it!! I dono y oso?? Jus how can i reali learn from al the wron thin?? N nv do it again?? Haiz... Anyway... I reali make up my mind tat, don care wat.. Next yr i must reali go back n study at ITE!! Maybe ITE is wat "so cal" Its' The End.. But.. I stil think at less go back study n learn somethin, batten dn don learn anythin!! As i say.. I jus wish i can learn how to nv make the same mistake again!! Too much of thin i reali regert tat i nv do n learn from the mistake tat maybe i did b4!!! Nw is time for to learn al the thin!! Haiz..

*to someone:
I dono wat i say in tis blog wil make u think of wat??
But jus let u know tat i reali regert alots of thin in my life,
n i stil nv learn from al the mistake each time!! Nw i reali think is
time for mi to stop al tis!! Haiz.. I oso dono wat i sayin nw?? Sorry..
N don keep say sorry to mi, as u so know i dn lyk u say sorry!!!
So don keep say anymore!! Haiz.. If u think tat time can reali help
everythin dan maybe we jus wait n c how ba.. When u think is time can
be frien again dan u jus msg mi lor.. Yap.. Think jus tat's al ba.. Gd luck for ur exam k..
Tk care too.. Reali miz ya n the pass!! N don keep say bye oso can?? Haiz..

Got my lao po...

2005-11-20T19:27:00.000+08:00

Hehe.. So happy nw!!! Hmm... Should say is since yesterday happy until nw.. But nw whold body oso pain, coz wen roundin last nite until whold body pain.. Haha.. But i don mind.. Hehe.. Hmm... feel so gd to have my lao po... But stil not so gd yet.. Stil got somethin not reali make finish yet.. Have to wait until tml go back bike shop do dan can.. Yap.. Haiz.. Know wat?? When i get my bike the first place i reali feel lyk goin is hougang.. N i did wen oso lah.. But is go n look for my frien coz her pet shop first day open... Yap.. Oso try alot of thin yesterday... Hmm... The feel reali so scare, but stil ok lah.. Haha.. Rest awhile wil be ok liao.. Haha.. Did try ride ppls oso... Haha.. N go alot of place oso, but is follow ppls car wan lah.. Haha.. Don reali know the road yet.. Haha.. Need time to go n know the road first lah.. Haha.. Hmm... But nw abit sad sad, coz my lao po is outside rainin... Sad sad.. Haiz.. Later must go n clean my lao po man!!!! My poor lao po... Hahaha..... I reali goin crazy liao... Last nite go roundin until mid nite 4plus dan back hm man!!! Dan slp until lyk a pig today.. Haha.. Tml dono how to ride in camp man?? Scare get stop dan cant ride in liao dan be very very sain wan lor!!! Haha.. But for tis bike got one thin i don reali lyk is the kick start... I even try kick until for 10min oso cant get start lor!! Coz nv learn b4 lor... But nw ok liao.. Jus few time can liao.. Haha.. Hmm.. My father oso wan to try start the bike but i think he cant do it.. Haha.... He oso forget liao lah!!! The last time he touch the bike think og 10 or 20yrs ago liao lor!!!! Haha.. Hmm.. Not bad ar.. He last time use to ride bike oso, but coz of somethin happen dan he cant ride anymore n scare oso.. Haha.. Dan nw is mi to ride bike.. But think i oso batte go learn car ba.. So next time if wan go out dan rain i stil can use his car.. If he buy lah.. Haha.. Believe he wil buy a car very soon!! Coz he cant tk it when got ppls ask him to buy car!!! Dan somemore my uncle keep ask him to buy car nw... Hehe... But the next thin i reali wan to do is study first!!! Maybe try next yr go back ITE n study first dan car ba... Dono keep have tis feelin of study nw?? Last time have the chance to study dan don wan, dan nw can only tk up part time dan wan go back study... So study rite?? Playfull lah.. Tis is wat i get aft i wan playfull lor.. Haiz.. When wil the rain stop?? Stil wan out later wan lor!! So sain... Haiz... N is cold oso man... K lah.. Think stop here ba.. Wan c my lao po first.. Hehe..

Wat a.....

2005-11-18T23:49:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Sad man!!! Dono wat to say nw man?? Haiz... Know wat?? I can get my bike tml liao, but one thin!! I cant ride yet!!!!!! Don huh... Coz of tat stupid bike shop ppl lah!!! Everythin is done, dan nw last min tel mi say dey try help mi to buy the insurers but cant!!! Wat the.... Coz i jus pass out dan no ppls dare to tk my wan... Where got lyk tis wan rite??? Haiz... Dono lah.. But stil... Hack care man!!! Tml stil goin to ride lor!! As long as don c Tp can liao lor!! Somemore is in the mornin wat.. Haiz... Jus talk finish wif feng... She keep say don batte... If not later reali anythin happen dan i die liao.. Haiz... Wat should i do???? I don wan to wait liao lor!!! Hate the waitin time lor!!! Haiz.. Y lyk tis to mi??? Wait for so long liao dan last min dan tel mi say cant buy.... Should tel mi early lor!!! Dan i wun so sad lyk nw liao lor!! Haiz... Have to wait until next week again liao!! Keep pray for tis sat to come, dan when come liao dan lyk tis!!! Haiz... Even the bike oso lyk tat play mi!!!!! y????? Haiz... No mood at al nw liao lor!!! Haiz.... Al thank to tat NTUC lor!!! Everyones can buy but jus not mi!! Dan when my turn to buy bike dan change everythin!! If not i can put someone name inside dan don have to pay so much oso lor!!! F_ _ k... Reali so angry nw lor!!! Haiz...... STOP PLAYIN MI LIAO CAN!!!!!! Haiz.... Dono lah... Don wish to type anythin liao.. Haiz...

Mc n sick..

2005-11-17T23:36:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. Today was sick n rest at hm.. Wen to slp from 12plus to 7plus dan wake up man... Wat a long slp man.. Haiz.. Did on my com, but wen slp oso.. So dono tat got ppls msg mi in msn jus nw.. Haiz.. Hate tis al feelin man.. Wan sick dan don reali wan sick out.. Haiz.. Sain wan leh.. Hmm.. Tml stil got to work.. More sain ar!! Hehe.. But lucky tml is friday liao man.. Dan aft work can reali rest liao.. So many med to tk man.. But don feel lyk tkin any med lah.. Hate to eat med wan lor!! Can eat until vomite wan leh... Hmm.. Think tis few days batte try not to talk much ba.. Coz my poor hou longsomethin wron liao.. Haiz.. So is batte try not to talk much.. Yap.. Sain.. But anyway.. Is ok oso.. Coz i so don reali talk much liao.. Haha.. Feel sick nw man.. Hot oso.. Jus nw is cold dan nw is hot.. Bo liao rite.. Haiz.. Hmm.. Reali hope tis sat can get my bike liao man!! Don wan to tk bus anymore lah... So many ppls inside to push here n dere.. Sain wan leh... Wah... Tis few days think i smoke alots man.. Tot of stop smokin coz of someone, but end up nv stop dan stil smoke even more man!! Haiz.. Keep feel lyk smokin leh.. Y ar?? Hmm.. Cant go on lyk tis man.. If not next time no money for my bike man.. No no no... I must smoke less n save money.. Hehe.. Cant wait for next yr to go oversea wif my dear cousins man... Is our first time goin oversea lor.. Haha.. Think such have lot of fun man!! Faster come faster come tat day... Hehe.. Yap.. Sad oso nw.. My father tis month have to go for op, coz of dono wat thin lah.. But is a small op only.. Hope everythin be ok for him!! Batter pray hard ba.. Yap.. N my small bro report book is comin out soon... Hope he can pass n don fail again!!! Haiz.. 2 more month for my gid bro to come out.. Dono aft he come out wil think not or stil the same old him dono how to think?? Haiz.. Jus left wif few more month to finish his NS only, hope he can reali think lah.. Lyk tat in out in out very fun mah?? Haiz.. Dono him lah.. Always ly to make ppls worry for him dan he happy izit?? haiz.. K lah.. end here liao.. Go rest liao.. Hope tml wil be batte ba..

*to someone:
Sorry jus nw nv reply, coz was slpin.. Anyway jus wan
u to know tat i don need any sorry lor!! Don need keep
say sorry to mi!! I reali don need!!! Haiz.. If tis is al u can
say by ask mi tk it i nv know u b4, dan i got nothin to say!!
Y must u always say al the same old thin?? Cant u think
of other ways?? Thin happen u wil only say tis!! Tat's not wat i wan lor!!
Haiz.. Dono lah.. Since u reali wan it to be tis way, dan i jus do!!
If u think it wil be batte or wat, dan i nothin to say!! I jus wan u to know
wat i think not sorry!! Time wil only let mi rem wat have happen not forget!!
Dono lah.. u tk care ba.. Nothin much to say!! I reali hate the way u ask mi to do!!
But i wil do it oso!! Tis don ment tat i hate u or wat!! I nv ever hate u b4 or
forget u!!! Haiz.. Sorry..

Wat a bad luck day again..

2005-11-16T19:26:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Wat a big bad day again.. Haiz.. Tis mornin wen for swimmin dan everythin was stil ok, but aftnoon.. My "aunte" cme n look for mi again liao.. Haiz.. Sain.. Dan My father the very best wan more gd... Very last min dan he cal mi n say he cant go bike shop wif mi today liao.. Have to go c doctor first.. Dan have to push until sat dan can go... Dan jus nw i cal to the bike shop n say cant go tonite, dan he told mi say i can get my bike anytime liao!! Wat the... Very happy lah.. Coz jus anytime can tk liao... But stil have to wait for tat stupid father... Haiz.. N jus nw wen to read her blog.. Wat again?? Stop again!! Is lyk.. I reali feel lyk ask u lor... U can tk it tat i very bad or wat.. But jus wan ask u lor.. Wat u reali tk mi as?? Frien?? But i reali don think tat way anymore lor!!! When u feel somethin not rite or wat u jus say a time ut dan jus walk off.. Is tat reali how u wil do to ur frien??? I don think u wil lor!! But to mi... Ya.. I did lyk u b4.. But so wat?? I stil a human aftall lor!!! Can u jus think of my feelin even as a frien or wat... I'm not a ball pls!!! Pls stop al tis to mi lor!!!! As u say u did try liao, but do u reali let mi try??? NO LOR!!!! I jus ask somethin n u jus think tat i don wan to try al tis!! I may not lyk to know the ans, but i jus wan to know only lor... Is tis oso wron?? Aft al dey r stil my frien or wat... I don wish to talk to dem n ask dem dan i ask u oso cant??? I was jus guess only n u think i reali know tat stil wan ask u... I reali dono wat to do liao lor??!! At first i was reali wander should we be frien back?? Coz i know thin wil be al change.. N ya.. I reali guess rite again!! Tat nite i wil msg u is coz i saw ur blog!! I bluff u say i nv, coz i wan thinkin should i msg u not?? Coz i jus get over my hurt not long only!! I don wish tat one day i wil fal for u again n get hurt lor!! But wat happen nw again?? I reali dono lor.. Tat's so much i reali feel lyk tellin u lor.. But i don c the point anymore oso.. Since u lyk to run away dan forget it.. Think both jus eali give a stop n end it here lor.. Since tat's the way u reali wan.. Until nw i stil got tat feelin for u.. But again u hurt mi again.. Don say i lyk u or wat, even as a frien u oso hurt mi lor!! Who wil do tis to a frien?? Haiz.. Until nw i stil rem i di say b4 i don n wun hurt u again!! But.. Nw is u to hurt mi back!! Y??? Watever izit... I reali give up... I reali hate tis type of feelin lyk a ball lor!! Since u oso wun reali tk mi as a frien dan jus forget it.. I wun go n disturb u again!! N tis time is reali from my heart liao.. I have say let go for 3time n nw is the 4th time liao!! Everytime when i say tat i cant reali do it coz i reali don wish u to sad al tat n i cant reali let go oso!! But nw.. U reali make mi dono wat to say n do anymore!! Y must u have to do al tis to make mi reali feel so hurt n al tat??? Wat did i reali do wron to u b4?? U r reali the first one tat reali make mi feel so sad nw lor!! Nv get tis type of feelin lyk a ball from any of my ex b4!! Can u reali tk urself as mi n think of the feelin b4 u do al tis?? Haiz.. Watever.. Up to u liao.. I did ask u b4 wat u think.. But u jus don wan to say.. Nw.. reali happen again.. Forget it.. I believ jus awhile time u wil reali jus forget who am i liao.. So ya.. Anythin u think i say wron or wat u can jus cal mi n say.. But i think u wun oso.. So jus forget it.. Last.. Gd luck for ur comin exam.. Bye....

Wat a bad luck day..

2005-11-15T17:17:00.000+08:00

SoOooo angy nw man!!!!!Cant tk it!!!!! Augh....... Haiz.... Al thank by my tat very very gd bro!!!!! Thank him for tellin my father i today come back very early..... Dan nw... Aroun 7plus have to go bedok dere to eat or watever!!! So hate it lor!!!!!!!!!!!! Tel my father say i mitin frien dan he not happy.... If nw not coz of my bike i wun go down even he angry or wat lor!!!!! Haiz...... Say so much nw oso no use lah.... Stil have to go down later!!! Haiz... Dey can think of mi not ar?? I very tired tis few days liao lo!!! Dan cant let mi rest at hm izit?? Dinner anytime oso can eat wan lor... Not say wun have chance anymore!!!!Somemore nw over dere wan al is the old wan lor!!! Dan ask mi go, lyk wat?? None of the cousin is goin lor!!!! Tat's wat my father always lyk to do wan lor!!! Ask we al go down when no ppls is goin!!!! Haiz... Dan if SHE come back early stil have to c her!!! Hate her lor!!! Dono wat's in her mind oso lor?? Haiz... A photo cant keep herself?? Stupid lor... Haiz... Dono lah... Nw oso not my pro liao... Yap... Haiz.... Reali so angry nw!!!! I don wan go down!!!!! Very sain wan lor.... Later wil get ask lah or maybe even no talk at al oso lor!!!! How to talk wif the old wan?? Is lyk.. i reali dono wat to talk wif dem lor....???? Dan cant smoke oso lor!!! Kill mi man!!! No freedom lor!! I don wan!!! Haiz... Sain... Hmmm... say bout work ba... Dono wat happen to my tat mad wong oso?? Tis few days lyk very gd to us... N yesterday when mornin run time i run until half way cant tk it dan stop run she oso nv scold mi lor!! N even let mi fall out go bath first lor!! But i believ is coz my face turn green liao dan she get scare ba.. Haha.. Hmm.. Don even know my face turn green lor... Until go toilet dan saw myself dan i know!! -even i saw myself oso get scare- haha.. Dono wat happen oso?? But aft awhile dan ok liao.. Dan aft bath time to back to work she even come to mi n ask am i ok not?? Wat a scary to mi man!! Haha.. Dan today mornin tel her say i nv go for run she oso nv scold or ask wat happen to mi, jus say ok.. Ask mi to rem to count who nv go for run dan rem to go update the paper... -coz last month forget to tel tat kwek i nv go for run dan get tis!! Do paper work for 1month lor- Haiz... Yap.. Dan i jus say ok.. Hehe.. Not bad oso.. Dan on break told her i aftnoon got appt at CGH dan she oso nv show any face jus say ok to mi.. Hmm... Reali wander wat happen to her man?? Out of no wher become so gd!!! But gd oso lah.. I reali lyk the way she is nw man!! Hehe.. Coz wun get scold wat... Haha... Hw tat the rest of the days she wil stil be the same!!! So far everythin is so gd to mi nw lor.. Hmm.. last nite mit cyn too.. Tot of go for dinner, but end up nv eat dan go shop.. Yap.. Hmm... Think is the first time wen shoppin wif her ba!!! Haha... But feel abit funny funny oso.. Coz both don reali talk much ba.. Hmmm anyway.. srry for i keep touch ur left hand.. Hope u wun mind it, jus play play only.. Yap.. N batte try hard to study since ur exam is comin too!! Don aft exam dan regert y don study hard k... Don understand dan jus ask ppls... Yap... Hmm... Somethin i don understand oso.. But.. nvm.. Yap... So sain nw... How i feel lyk go n slp awhile man.. But time don left much liao.. Sain... Haiz... Al thank to my bro.... Gettin more n more hate him nw man!!! Haiz.. Hmm... ya... Tml is wed liao!! Dono later can brin my father down to the bike shop not leh?? Since he nv work today!! Nvm.. Later try to ask him c how.. Hehe.. Cant wait anymore man!! Everythin is goin on liao.. Haha... Jus very soon my bike wil out liao!! Hehe... Ya.. Thank to wat u say oso ar someone!! Haha.. The very first person t tel mi tat when my bike is not even out yet lor!! Haha... Hmm.. Anyway.. Don worry i know how to tk gd care of myself when ridin my bike next time!! Jus rem if reali -touch wood- one day i get into hosp dan u must buy green applys for mi can liao ar... Must come n c mi ar!! Haha... Kiddin.. Yap.. Think end here ba.. Sain...

*Debble:
U r so lucky don have to go mama place to eat tonite lor!!!
But no next time man!! The next time i reali must make
such u al r goin liao lor!! Haha... So sain lor.. Poor mi...

someone:
Hmm.. Dono u wil read my blog not?? But jus tel u say tat
i'm sorry for the way i msg or talk to u!! Hope u don tk it
hard!! N thank for last nite for mitin mi.. U have so much
work to do dan u should told mi, dan u can stay hm n do!!
But anyway jus thank.. Hope we can reali lyk last time again!!
Dono wil u mind i stil cal u someone not? But.. ya.. Use to it..
Last pls reali go study hard k!! Try to forget somethin tat it
wun happen!! Not force, but jus care for u only.. Yap.. Tk care.. Miz ya..

Sain ar...

2005-11-13T17:33:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. So sain nw man!! Should be out nw man.. But lazy to go out n tis month reali no money man!! Haiz.. Poor mi man.. Al my stupid father oso lah... If tel mi early tat he wil help mi pay for my bike first dan i don have to pay $500 liao lah.. Dan tis month have to eat my self!! Haiz.. Only have to wait until next month dan got money liao!! Sain ar!!! Have to stay hm for tis month guai guai liao... Haiz... Stupid father lah!!!! Hate him... Haiz.. lucky next month i wil have money money.. Dan i can out again... Haha.. Hmm... So sain... Haiz... Hmmm... Yesterday wen to my anute house to eat again... But was her birthday.. Wah.. we reali eat until wan die liao.. Haha.. Coz she buy alot of food n tot alot of ppls wil comw, but end up only have us few of dem.. Dan end up we try to halp to eat finish... Wah.. We have 3round lor... Cant believ it.. We al eat for 3round lor.. My god... Full until wan die man... Hmm... But jus as long as she is happy can liao lor.. Coz aft al is her birthday n she wan us to eat full oso... So cant eat abit dan say full, dan how bout the rest of the food?? Hmm... Think i reali goin to be very very fat soon... My god... I don wan to be a pig ar!!!!! Later reali more no ppls wan mi ar!!!! Hehe... Hmm.. Even not fat oso no ppls wan lah.. So no diff.. Hehe..Wah... Wat happen today ar?? Y izit so hot nw ar?? Lyk goin to rong liao lor.. My god.... Hmm... Sain sain sAin.......... Kill mi ba..... Haha.. Tml got to work again liao... Somemore mornin have to run again.... Rain rain come again, rain at the rite time n rite place tml!!! Haiz... Go bath liao... I stil don wan to reali rong lor.. Haha.. Bye...

Tires day..

2005-11-12T00:37:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... Gettin more n more tired everydays... Dono y oso?? Haiz.. Nw in camp aftnoon time have to hide in a side n slp.. Dan somemore n slp wif so many ppls n lyin on a wood to slp!! Cant tk it.. Slp until whold body pain man!! N oso cant reali get to slp!! Dono y?? Maybe don get use to it ba... Not only mi, but most of the ppls feel the way too... Haiz.. Poor us nw man... Haha... Hmm.. Last two days was very late back n very tired dan nv type.. In wed we play c.ball.. N i get hurt my hand n my face lor!! My god... Haiz.. Get hit on my nose lor... Dan aft tat feel so giddy the whold nite man!! Al tat pig lah... Oso wun say a sorry wan!! Haiz.. Pig!!! Haha.. Hmm.. in the game we did reali enjoy oso lah tot alot of ppls get hurt al tis.. Haha.. Dan have to go for happy hrs until 9plus dan go back lor!! Dan last nite aft work wen doen to bike shop.. Hmm... If not wron.. Maybe by 24nov i can get my bike liao!! Hehe.. So happy!!! Dan i wil go ride on the road liao!! Hehe.. But abit scare lah.. Coz aft al stil first time ride on the road myself!! Hehe.. Hmm.. Today in work place... Lyk hell man!! But i reali dono am i reali showin the face n att to dem lyk i very hack care tis few days?? Get say by p.s today.. Haiz.. But is lyk... U al oso wun think of mi lor... I have my thin to do liao lor!! Stil wan add in more thin for mi!!! Cant u al look for other in change wan?? Lyk cargo wan?? Can say the most free wan is cargo in change wan lia lor!!! Don keep think tat my in change very free can?? Dan keep lost thin, dan i have o go aroun n ask ppls.. Lyk a ah long lor!!! I don lyk tis type of feelin!! No ppls wil lyk lor!! Dan nw stil wan add somethin for mi to tk care n oso wan to look for ppls to ask for it!! Pls lah... Am i reali look lyk a ah long??? My god!!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Today reali don feel gd at al the whold day in workin time!! Haiz.. Dono wat happen to mi oso?? Lucky tml is sat don need to go back work!! If not i dono wat wil happen to mi lor!! Wan change jus change anytime nw wan lor!! I cant stop myself oso.. Jus can aft wat i did dan ask myself wat happen to mi?? But seen abit the late liao.. Hehe.. Dono izit coz too tired lah.. Haiz.. Think jus end here ba.. Very tired liao.. Haiz.. Ya... Wed aft go bike shop i wen play pool wif frien, but end up i nv play jus sit at a side n play other game.. Dan half way i heard a song.. Tis song let mi think of one gal only!!! Is she she U!!! Cyn.. Know wat song?? Sometimes love just aint enough... Aft tat song, my whold mind inside is u again!! Haiz.. Think of the happy time we use to have, reali can feel happy!! But nw... Haiz.. Dono lah.. Wish u gd luck in ur exam k!!! Study hard n try very hard for ur exam k.. At the same time don forget to let urself enjoy too!! Don over stree... Yap... Al the best k!!! Tk care to.. Enjoy urself ba..

Wat a tired day today!!

2005-11-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

Hmm.... Reali a very very tired day i have man!!! From mornin until end work i be so buzy until wan die soon!! Haiz.. But lucky i stil can tk it!! Hehe.. But scare later go slp dan next day wake up time my both hand cant move man!! Tk the chutes until my hand pain man!! Haiz.. Wat to do.. Tis is work lah!! Sain... Hmm.. Tis week wil work lyk hell man!! Free time reali free until cant tk it, dan buzy can oso reali buzy until wan die!! Tis work reali can kill ppls!! But aft al.. Use to it liao lah... Today no room for us to slp in aftnoon time, dan end up everyones go back work place dere to slp.. Dan stupid mi go slp on the table, dan when wake up time one of my hand so cold dan my back so pain.. Haiz.. No room for at lest 3month or longer lor... How?? We wil die lor!! Dan stil have to go for run al tat, is lyk we don even have to place to bath lor!! Dono wat dey think wan lor!! Cant think of us wan lor... Haiz.. Sain... Tml got happy hrs oso.. To the sir dey al maybe is happy hrs, but for us al is sad hrs lor!! Sit down at a side n keep lookin at the time to go back!! So stupid lor!! Dono the happy hrs end wat time oso?? Dey say in e-mail inside is say al day!! My god!!! Dan stil have to pay $5 lor.. Dan the most wan mi die wan is... Ask mi to tk the money from everyones tml!!! My god!! Y must mi?? Hehe.. When dey cal my name to tk the monry time i stil say huh.... Mi ar??? Dan get scold... Stupid!!! Nv wil think of it wil be mi wat!! Al along is always ppl lyk sandy dey al wat... Dan ut of no wher ask mi do tis.. My god!!! So scare can!! If the money not rite i have to pay for it lor!!! Haiz.. Dan lyk a ah long go aroun n ask ppls for money!! How?? Haiz.. Die lah die lah... Hope tml everyones wil rem to bring the money man!! Hmm... Not bad os ar!! Tis mnth lyk i have learn alot of thin!! Lyk today so.. By rite ssg p.s only wan mi to pack one chute(mc5), but i say i wan pack other chute(PD).. Dan she say if i wan PD i have to pack 2chute!! Dan i say pack 2 dan 2 lor.. She lyk.. Hey i not say for fun wan leh!! Dan i say ya wat.. I reali don mind!! She lyk.. Don believ.. Haha.. Coz i wun do tat wan lor!! But no choose, coz i have to start pact on few types of chutes b4 wen AMFF!! If not later go dere dan say forgot how to pack tis or slow, i wil reali get F by kewk lor!! I dan don wan lor!! I wan go dere n enjoy n learn more thin!! Hmm.. Say enjoy.. Don think i wil reali enjoy oso!! Coz of somethin n the only place we can go is not for mi to go wan!! I don reali lyk to drink or gumb.. Haiz.. I wil bring some boors over to read batte man!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. By tat time dan c how ba!! Nw i have start to buy n borrow books from ppls liao!! Haha.. C.. Gd gal man!! Haha.. Hmm.. Think end here first ba... Very hot the whold body nw.. Dono y?? Oso wan slp soon.. So tired day... I miz u!!-gd to know tat u have stop thinkin of it! Stay happy always!!-

My bike!!!

2005-11-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

Jus back from a bike shop!! Hmm... Saw another bike today, n i reali goin to buy it liao!! Yap.. But.. Jus scare of my stupid father last min say he don lyk dan i die liao!! Coz i goin to pay $500 first for tis bike on tis week man!! Haiz.. But the one who is ridin the bike is mi leh!!! Y must i scare n worry he don lyk??? Haiz.. So stupid rite!!! No choose... Need him to help mi pay for the down payment first!! Haiz.. Wat a poor mi!! Haha.. Hmm... So sain nw... Oso very tired oso... Coz last nite dono y lyk cant reali slp, dan wake up very early tis mornin oso... Haiz... Awhile more must go slp liao!! If not... Tml wil die when workin time!! Haha.. So much thin to do tis week lor... Have to deploy the chutes tat is overdueds... If go for jump dan deploy stil ok, but nw is we cut ourself lor!! The heart inside is so pain lor everyones!! But no choose!!! 4months time is up, have to do it!!! Sain ar..... Dan stil have to air... Haiz... More sain.... Haha.. Hmm... i oso don wat to type oso.. Cz nthin much happen today in camp.. Everythin is ok lor.. Got!!!!! Tml have to run again!!!! SAIN AR!!!!!!! Haha... I hate runnin so much dan stil wan mi to run!!! Haiz.. Dan nw oso no place to let us bath aft runnin lor!!! So stupid... Coz think of us abit izit?? No place to bath n oso no place to rest... Give us a few days off oso wil die ma?? Hate tis OC tat we have nw!! Everythin oso don dare to do!!! Useless guy!!! Hmm.. nw is 21 liao, i oso must reali learn to be more gd n understand... Cant play play liao!! If not... Get say again!! But reali time pass very fast.. Seen lyk i jus wen in army not long only, dan turn 21 liao.. 3yrs plus liao... Very fast wil turn 4yrs oso liao.. Haiz.. Is coz everydays work dan feel the time pass very fast, or is reali the time nw reali pass very fast?? But i reali stil wish can have a long break to reali rest man!! But too bad... I reali don have any leave for tis yr liao.. Even the half day i left oso gin to use on tis month 23 for my BTT.. Have to wait until next yr.. But next yr first 5month oso cant tk leave.. Coz of the AMFF tranin dan go over for 1month... Have to wait until jun come back dan tk leave to rest at hm man!!! But i wun tk too much, coz i stil wish one day i can go oversea not wif camp ppls!! But the first thin when i come back from AMFF, i wan to move out myself!!! I don wan to live in tis house liao!! I reali need a place for myself dan until nw stil have to share room wif my bro n let dem make the whold room dono lyk wat!! I wan to have a place for myself n is clean wan!!! Aft work back to a place tat is clean n look gd, al the sad n unhappy thin u have wil gone oso!! How nice the feelin is lor!! Yes.. I don care liao... I wan move out myself!!! BUt still... Stil have somethin tat i can nv get it!! Bike n house n oversea al tis jus al u need is money n u can get it!! But one thin tat even u have alot alotz money u cant get it oso!! N tat is LOVE!! Tat's y i reali dono wat should i do dan i can get it?? Haiz.. Nvm.. Jus let it be ba.. If reali us dan it wil come, but if reali fate tat i cant have it dan don care how much i try wil oso be useless!! So... Jus back to my last time life.. Let it be ba!!! Yap... Hmm.. Haiz... My bike my bike!!!!! Cant tk it anymore lor... Pass liao but cant ride nw!! Haiz... Watever ba... Think end here.. Play awhile game dan go slp liao!! So tired.. Tis week is reali a killin week ar... Hard to earn tis month!! Haha.. Miz ya!! -someone-

everythin is over...

2005-11-07T00:22:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Is over liao.. My birthday is over.. Haha.. Hmm... Haiz.. Sorry if the last blog i type is too much or wat, but jus type out wat i think.. Reali if u think tat we don be frien batte dan i nothin to say.. I am gettin batte n over the thin, tat's y i wil ask u to say out wat u thinkin!! I jus wish to know n maybe if can i wil try to help watever i can!! Yap.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. I jus don wish to lost u..A gal tat got so much thin tat r same wif mi n share wif!! Yap.. I wun forget u!! Haiz.. Nw.. i can start to get back to my life.. How bout u?? I dono.. But i hope so ba.. Yap.. Hmm... Dno stil have t wait for how long dan can i get my bike?? I dn wish to wait liao!!! Haiz... Tis feelin is not gd at al man!! Tat u have pass n get everythin liao, but u don have a bike to ride!!!! Hate tis feelin man!! Haiz.. I don care!!! I must get my bike b4 tis month end!!!! Dan by next yr come back from AMFF, i am goin to move out!! If by tat time my stupid father stil don wan move, dan i move myself!!! Jus get a place tat not too ex n i can stay alone can liao!! Hehe.. Dan next time can ask ppls to come over n place until i happy!! Haha.. -think too much liao-.. Haha.. But is ok to think oso wat.. Haha.. Hmm... Anyway.. I reali feel lyk go back n study oso!!! Dono y i have tis feelin, but jus wan it lor!! Today i stil wen east point to buy two stories book.. Dono y?? Is jus out of no wher dan walk in dan buy dan.. Haha.. Think i crazy liao.. Use to hate study, but nw wil think of go back n study!! But.. Not so fast yet.. Coz i need to buy my bike first dan move house al tis.. So.. Not so fast ba.. Yap.. Sain.. Nw 1plus liao.. Stil not yet bath.. My god.. K lah.. Stop here n go bath first liao.. Haha.. Miz ya..

Birthday to myself..

2005-11-05T14:53:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. Jus have a hair cut n bath out.. Feel so much batte nw.. Aft a hair cut reali feel gd nw man!! Haiz.. I oso dno wat to say?? Is lyk.. U keep wan mi to hate u al tat, for wat?? I wil be angry for wat have happen, but not hate u!! I reali don lyk the feelin to hate ppls!! Somemore is someone tat i use to lyk b4!! Haiz.. As u say wat have happen is happen, i cant do anythin or hate u!! Is al start wif myself first oso!! If reali have t hate dan i hate myself the most!!-anyways i always hate myself- Yap.. Haiz.. Jus forget it lah.. Since nw i can feel batte dan everythin can be ok soon oso!! U don have to think so much lor.. Wat u think u jus don wan say out, dan how u wan mi to understand??? I jus wish to know wat u r thinkin bout lor.. If u reali don wan say dan nvm lor.. U wan throw away al the thin not i oso cant say.. Jus say only.. Yap.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. Today is my birthday, i reali don feel any much happy, dono y.. But aft cut hair reali make mi jus feel much batte!! I lyk to cut hair when i am in bad mood, but coz not long ag i jus cut dan today dan can go cut again.. But stil cant cut much lor.. Haiz.. But is ok.. Aftall stil cut!! Yap.. If u reali wish thin wil get batte dan jus say out wat u wan to say lor.. If not.. U go on lyk tis thin wil nv get batte n i believ we wil nv ever get to talk again!!! If tat's wat u wan dan i nothin to say... Haiz.. Sorry if i type anythin wron, but jus feel lyk type here watever in my heart thinkin nw!! I know in msn u don wan to reply mi, i oso cant do anythin.. U keep wan to run away from mi, dan i cant do anythin oso.. Coz i don wan to force u!! Wat's the point of force u?? From the start i nv force u b4.. But i jus give u tat feelin of force tat day!! Haiz.. Sorry.. Watever itis.. Everythin jus up to u lor.. Yap.. Tk care ba.. Hope u wil stay happy n ctue always... Haiz.. Is my birthday yet i wish u.. Haha.. Dono lah.. I was reali hope u wil pei mi to celeb fo it, but i oso give up tis hope.. Coz it wil nv be truth!! Nvm.. I start to learn how to give up everythin!! So ya.. Miz ya..

Sad birthdat again!!!

2005-11-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Jus left only 3hr 18mins more... I reali so scare of the time nw.. If only i can don keep look at the time!! I get a very very gd gif from her today!! I dono y must she choose to sent back to mi at tis time?? Jus one day b4 my birthday... I reali dono wat to say?? It reali make mi more don have any feelin to celeb lor!!! Jus feel lyk hide at a place tat no one can find mi to pass the day tml!!! Haiz.. I don have to ask who give u my add, coz i can oso guess who izit!!! U only know 2ppl from my side only lor!!! Ace is cant be wan lor.. Coz she don reali know how to come my place!! next one i don wish to say to her name!! Haiz.. I jus dono y i wil have tis c___??? She reali make mi so down n angry!! Cant believ wat she do!!! Best!!! Reali have to thank to her ar!!!!!! If u reali don wan u can jus throw away.. Don have to sent back to mi!! I don think tat's any need to sent u tat wan wif ur name!! Jus tk it i nv give u b4!! N if can throw away al the thin i give u oso.. Not say i hate u nw or wat.. But i jus don think wat's the need for u to keep it?? N i oso don need anytime or wat... Time is maybe jus for u but not mi.. Yap.. Sorry if i say anythin wron or hurt word.. But.. ya.. jus throw ba.. Haiz... Dono lah.. Everythin jus up to u lor.. Anyway nw to u everythin is ok oso.. Ya.. Haiz... Die man.. Left 3hrs 2min liao... My god..... Can the time don go so fast not ar?? Haiz... Gettin more n more scare n sad for the time to keep jump nw!!! HAiz... Watever lah.. I stil have to face it!!! Anyway is not the first time i sad n scare of my birthday to come.. Since young until nw is al the same wat!! Time reali pass so fast!! Nw goin to turn 21 soon liao.. Young time stil wander when wil i reach 21?? Nw.. goin to 21 liao.. Jus lyk a slp wake up dan i goin to turn 21.. Reali so fast!! My god... Am i reali goin to old very soon too?? But lucky i have a face tat don look lyk 21.. Hehe.. Stil can bluff ppls say i stil 16 or 17 only.. Hehe.. Not bad ar!! Hmm.. So feel lyk goin pasir ris park later to drink alone... But.. Tday lyk keep rainin lor.. Later become a wet chicken... I don wan.. Sain... Haiz.. AH!!!!!!! 9.07pm liao.... 2hrs 53min left!!!! HEy!!!! Don so fast lah!!! Stupid... Haiz.. Crazy liao mi.. Yap.. End here ba.. Dono wat to type liao.. How i wish my wish wil come truth!!! Haiz.. But i know is hard.. So jus forget it... Sad birthday to myself!!!!

Sain...

2005-11-04T00:35:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Out to drink again last nite.. Wif my bro sky dey al.. Reali wil die, if keep on lyk tis out for drink!!! But is ok lah.. Wun so easy to die wan lah.. If wil die so easy i die very long ago liao lah.. Haiz.. Hmm.. Wen dan i reali can get my bike?? I don wan to wait liao!!! Al my stupid father lah!!! Stil have to wait until so long... But jus nw he buy a gold key for my 21.. Hehe.. But don reali feel happy oso.. Dono y?? Jus so hate my birthday.. Jus in 2day time.. Haiz.. Wat i reali wan?? No one can give it to mi!! Not at al... Even my family ppls oso cant give mi... I dono y?? Jus a very small thin!! But yet i jus cant have it!! I can only c ppls have it, but not mi!! Haiz.. I reali think i have give up liao.. I have be wish it for 21yrs, but jus cant have it.. I reali give up liao.. I wun wish for it anymore!!! Haiz.. Tis few days keep listen to 2song.. ne is cal wil u stil luv mi.. N other one is cal i been thinkin bout u.. Tis 2song reali wat i am feelin... Is a very nice n abit sad song.. Wil u stil luv mi is a song tat say bout if i give u my heart wil u stil luv mi n show mi luv again?? N other song i don reali know how to say.. But maybe is for ppls to listen when dey reali miz a person.. Yap.. Nice song.. Haiz.. So sain.. Wil i have the chance to c her on my birthday?? Haiz.. I think too much liao... I reali think i wil stay at hm n hide myself up.. Don let anyone find mi on tat day... Unless dey wil come over my place lah.. Haha.. Maybe only mo n feng lor.. I reali don dare to tel anyones tat my bithday is on tis sat!! I jus so scare of it!! I reali so scare somethin bad happen on tat day again!!! Haiz.. Nw i have very sad when my birthday not even come yet.. Haiz.. Tis seen lyk wat she give mi for my birthday.. Haiz.. Very bad to say tat, but aft tis thin happen until nw i have nt reali be very happy anymore!! I try very hard, but i jus cant.. To her seen lyk everythin is ok.. But jus not mi.. By runnin away from mi is not the best thin to mi!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Think i say too much liao.. Nothin much to say liao.. YA.. Wish myself a early happy birthday ba.. Haha... -mad liao-...

Thin is not wat we think wil happen!!

2005-11-01T19:11:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Slp until not long ago jus wake up.. Whold body is so pain.. Think reali goin to old liao.. Haha.. So sain... Hmm.. Sometime reali think is not wat u think dan wil be happen wan lor.. I oso dono wat to say bout it?? But if u think tat gettin hurt urself is batte n it wun hurt mi too.. Dan sorry to say, u r wron!! Haiz.. Don wish to say much oso lah.. Jus dono wat to say nw oso?? I reali become more n more no words to say!! Dono wat to say too... Jus lyk a child tat jus learn how to talk, but dono wat to say?? Jus have tis type of feelin.. Haiz.. 4more days down only liao.. Gettin close liao.. Reali so sain..Haiz... Haiz.... dono lah... Life is so sain so hurt n so bad... Haiz... Hmm... think tis sat i wil cook my fav food.. Got chicken got fish n got my fav veg!!! Haha.. Can eat al i wan man.. No one wil eat for mi!! Haha.. I can have al by myself!! Haha.. Maybe abit the por thin lah.. Alone eat, but have to learn how to make myself happy!!! Rite?? Haha.. Dono wat to type liao?? Maybe everythin have type in my other blog liao.. Don wish to type much in here.. Think i wil goin to make tis blog to a happy blog!!! I wil type al the happy thin in here.. Dan when who ever is sain c read here to be happy.. Hmm.. not bad ar.. Haha.. But c first lor.. Coz i oso don reali have much thin to be happy wan.. Oh.. i wan die too... Hunger of die man.. Stil have to wait for tat ai mei mother to dry her hair dan can go eat.. Haiz... My bike my bike..... Aft get my bike n give my father one month time if stil don wan move house... I am goin to move out myself!!! Dan i don have to face dem everydays!!! Can stay up late n be alone... Haha.. Think of it can make mi feel so happy... Sain.... Haiz.. Nothin much to say liao..

Hmmm...

2005-11-01T01:09:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Few days nv type liao.. Dono wat to type too?? Haiz.. Wat more should i say leh?? Haiz.. Dono y today so tired n body pain.. Sain.. Tis few days keep out for drink wif workin ppls.. Die man.. Haiz.. Dey dono tat nw i am sad, so dey keep ask mi to drink.. Haiz.. Last friday was in camp drinkin coz of happy hrs... Sain... But.. coz don wan let dem know too much, so at dere make fun n go know beer gals.. Haha.. But aft walk out of camp dan jus hack care liao... Dan aft happy hrs stil go other place to drink... My god!!! Drink until i reali cant tk it dan vomite out!!! Dan jus nw wen for frien birthday, dan get drink again!! Not my birthday today leh!!! Haiz.. Drink so much!!! But oso gd lah.. Can at less happy for tat moment... Haiz.. Sain.. Last nite wen mit MQ until mid nite 3plus dan come back slp for 2hr dan work until nw!! Die ar!!!! But who's care??? Haiz.. But at less one thin, aft i reali get my bike i wun drink n drive!! -hope so- Dono lah.. Tis sat my birthday liao... But so wat???!! Be alone to celeb myself!!! Stay hm n cook somethin for myself to eat ba... Haiz.. MQ keep ask mi out, coz she can celeb for mi.. But i keep say don wan!! For wat?? Haiz.. Tat person tat i reali wish tat she can celeb wif mi, wil nv have tat chance liao!! So stil got wat thin to be happy for?? Haiz.. Today i wen jo jo birthday, i saw her gf!! Dey can be 2gether for 4yrs plus lor!! Haiz.. If only i got the chance... But.. Forget it... I know i wil nv have tis chance!! Dono lah.. Jus wish to hide at hm, don wan to go out anywher!! I know not much ppls wil ask mi out oso.. So jus forget it ba.. Should c who wil rem it!! Dono lah... Sain... Very tired nw... But jus feel lyk typin somethin.. Tot not much to type here, but jus type lor.. Not coz wish she wil read, but jus don wan to left out tis blog... She wil stil come in n read not i oso dono.. Think is no ba.. Yap.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. Last nite talk alot wif MQ.. Haiz.. Reali too much i think.. She can aroun know my heart!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Tis few days in work reali stil not bad!! Nv get scold again liao!! Haha.. But... hmmm.. have to do office work for tis one month man!! Coz tat time forget to tel tat kwek say i not runnin dan get tis.. But the truth is she goin to be oversea for one week, dan need ppl to do al tis!!! Dan ask mi do!! But... Stil not tat bad lor.. Very fun to do oso.. Haha.. Jus tk it i learn more thin lor.. Is ok.. I reali must learn how to think of gd side dan get angry or sad.. Not bad hor.. Haha.. But sometimes, i reali very hurt in heart.. Too much thin keep inside... But.. Wat can i do?? Haiz.. Nvm.. Think end here.. Need to type other blog too.. Hehe.. So tired man....

Nothin..

2005-10-29T20:23:00.000+08:00

I reali dono wat to say.. But if reali u think tat way of mi.. I nothin to say, but jus say sorry lor.. I dono tat day i wil hurt u or wat.. I jus feel lyk sayin out wat i think.. Sorry for al tis.. I dono wat make u think i wil hate u or wat.. If u reali keep think of tis way, i reali nothin to say too.. Anythin u n up to u.. I reali have nothin much to say oso liao.. Sorry...

Pass my TP !!

2005-10-28T00:29:00.000+08:00

Haha... Should say tat i am very happy, coz i have pass my TP!!!!! Not bad ar!!! Haha... Wen to look for bike today oso... Wah.. Al is lyk 7000plus lor!!! My god... Don care wat.. By next week i wan get my bike liao!! Hehe.. Haiz... I cant reali be happy nw oso... I cant believ wat's she say!!! Say tat don wish to hurt mi, but in the end hurt mi the most oso!!! Haiz.. Dan for wat stil say?? Say liao but stil do it!! I reali got nthin to say!!! If tis is reali wat u wan mi to do, i wil do it!!!! As long as u r happy!!! Watever i say is jus useless n force!! FORCE.... Tis is wat u say mi!!! Nothin to say!!! I wun hate u or wat!!! I jus got nothin to say!!! Haiz... Ya.. Maybe i am jus a pass by ppl to u... Tat's y u can jus throw mi away anytime u wan.. U know the feelin of forget a ppl is how hard, but yet tis is wat u wan mi to do nw!!! Reali nothin to say!!! Nvm.. I jus do... Al the best for u... Don care end up u wil choose ace, joyce or tat wan... But jus al the best to u!!! But jus hope u don get hurt more!!! Since u have choose to hurt mi dan hope u wun get hurt anymore!!! Stil.. I wil say.. Even u wan say i force or wat.. If reali she can hurt u so much is reali batte for u to try give up!!! U know the out come liao, dan don try to get into it!!! Makin urself hurt, jus lyk u r hurtin ppls who stil wil care for u!!! Think lor... If u stil think wat i say is wron or wat, dan i cant do anythin oso.. Jus tk mi is a bad ppl lor.. Is ok.. Since nw in ur heart i am lyk tat liao.. So jus hate mi angry mi as much as u wan ba... Yap.. Think jus end here... Reali dono wat to say liao!! Haiz... I reali reali promiz i am noot goin to fal in luv ANYMORE!!!!! I have enough of it!!! I once promiz i wun fal in luv oso.. But i change becoz of u.. But.. Haiz.. Think jus be wat i use to be.. Back to my our world is batte!! Haiz.. Yap... Al the best for u ba!!! Anythin can stil look for mi if u wan... Is ok if u don wan oso... Yap.. Haiz... Think i can oso forget wat i wish for my birthday thin liao.. Haiz... Sometimes love reali just aint enough!!!!

Sick...

2005-10-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Get sick liao.. Dono should say happy or wat?? Haha.. But is lyk... Awhile 37.1 dan nw 36.8... Dono wat goin on man?? Stupid... But watever.. Sick oso lyk tat.. No ppl wil goin to tk care of mi... Haiz.. Jus pray hard tat tml can pass my TP!!! I don wan to wait anymore!!! I wan faster get my bike!!! Haiz.. Tot get my bike oso no ppl wil be goin to sit behine mi, but i stil wan pass!!! Haiz.. She reali hack care mi liao!! I cant believ it.. But i cant say i don believ oso, coz everythin is be show out....!!!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Say so much is al useless too.. Again i get hurt... Time again play mi... Haiz.. y?? Am i reali so gd in get play?? Haiz... Dono lah... Today JH msg mi liao.. Haha.. Sayin tat she jus back from malaysia.. N say she think of turnin str8 oso... My god... Turnin back!!! Haiz.. In a r/s who wil not get hurt?? Even lyk mi.. Not even get into a r/s yet dan get hurt liao lor!!!! Haiz.. Maybe tis my fate.. Dono lah.. Nw my head abit the pain... Think i hit my head ba.. My nose oso pain... My god lor.. Don even know y wil pain n when get hurt?? Haiz... So hunger so... Coz cant eat ful for tis few days ba... Coz of some resons... Haiz.. Dan nw so hunger!!! Wan die liao lor... Abit sick dan hunger oso... How i wish got someone to be tk care of mi!!! But... Even my mum oso not hm... No ppls at hm... Sad man.. Nw reali sad.... Abit make her angry liao.. But not i wan.. But i reali dono wat to say?? Haiz... I can only say sorry to her... I don mean it!!! But... Haiz.. Dono lah.. Dono how to say out oso?? Think jus keep to myself batte lah.. Think she wun be care oso.. Haiz... DONO LAH!!!!!!!!! Goin crazy soon liao!!!! Pls..... Jus kill mi lah!!!! So sorry!!!! Reali so sorry!!!! I reali don mean it!!!!!! Haiz.... Sorry....... sorry sorry.........

Mc day again...

2005-10-25T11:16:00.000+08:00

Yo... Get mc for today.. Haiz.. Don feel lyk workin lah.. N no mood to work oso.. Haiz.. Reali cant make myself lyk last time man... Haiz... Nw at hm, oso dono wan do wat?? Reali feel lyk cal her n ask later can mit her for dinner not?? But.. Think she oso not free ba... Keep on have a thinkin of goin her sch n wait for her to end sch.. But.. NYP is not a small sch lor.. So many door oso.. Haiz.. Dan wait at her house dere, oso dono wat timw she wil be back?? Haiz... Think she wun be free for mi anymore.. She reali don bother mi liao.. Can feel it.. Haiz.. Tot of gettin back the feelin, but seen lyk.. Is lettin her go... If reali she cant get by i oso cant say anythin, only can say myself stupid n useless ba... Again let go a gal tat once care for mi... Haiz... I reali think until i cant think of anythin til dan msg her i oso dono wat to say?? Everydays msg her the same old msg.. I wish i can msg somethin new n care for her.. But.. I jus too stupid liao.. My mind cant work anymore... Be thinkin n lookin for way to get back.. But nv think of anythin dan nw oso become so useless!!! Y??? Haiz... Y am i so stupid?? Reali feel lyk cryin out.. Haiz.. Tat time was mi make her cry, but nw.. Is my turn to cry for her.. Y?? Haiz.. Reali don care wat i do oso useless liao?? Reali tat's no way for mi to try?? Chance.. Tis word is type in my hp for very long.. Know y?? Coz i nv got the chance to have secon chance to change or wat!! Ppls only give mi one chance or even maybe no chance at al.. But who wil nv make mistake?? Once u make a mistake cant u have a sceon chance?? Y?? To others ppl i can c tat dey have.. But jus not mi.. Y?? Feel tat so much thin to tel her, but dono wan to tel wat oso?? Wat i wan to say maybe she oso know liao lor.. Stil got wat to say?? Haiz.. But i reali feel lyk seein her again.. Dono do i stil have the chance not?? Maybe when miz her i can only on my com to c her ba.. Haiz.. Dono wat to say nw oso.. Jus feel lyk sit down n listen to al the sad song again ba.. Feel lyk goin to my world again liao.. Haiz.. Yap.. Reali reali so miz u.. Wanna wait for u but don dare, think of mitin u for dinner but i know u wun be free for mi anymore.. Haiz..

Back again..

2005-10-25T00:44:00.000+08:00

Yap.. Jus reach hm bout goin to 1hr plus.. Hmm.. Today got a very funny thin happen at work place.. Haha.. We was cal to keep the parachutes back to a room aftnoon time.. Dan at first only few ppl go keep, coz only have 3chute to keep.. Dan half way al lyk act buzy.. Go n help out by eyes only.. Haha..Dan.. Few of the ppls walk out plus mi oso lah.. Dan when back to packin side, i ans a phone cal.. Dan who know is our gal.. Dan she tel mi say tat she get lock up at tat room.. Haha.. Coz tat stupid ns man lyk cant wait to go n die lyk tat.. Nv check anyone inside not dan jus lock up the room.. Dan end up faster cal tat ns man come back n open the door.. Dan get scold by two ssg.. Haha.. K.. wat i type may not be funny, maybe when u r dere to c dan u know how funny.. Yap.. Dan today wen for my bike.. So cant make it man..!! I dono how to pass my tp wif lyk tis man???!! Haiz.. But stil hope can pass lah!! Yap.. Today i reali lyk a not mood ppl n lyk half die ppl lyk tat in camp or wher ever i am... Haiz.. I don have any mood at al.. I keep thinkin of wat should i do?? I reali cant think of anythin out to look back the feelin!! But i oso don wan to lost her!! I reali think until i wan crazy n no choose i have to ask myself not to think first.. Let it be if we reali mean to be 2gether.. But my mind cant stop thinkin!!! I am reali so half die ppl nw.. I wun be happy anymore.. I jus feel tat i have back to my own world again... I dn wish to back again, but i cant do anythin... I jus so wish she be dere for mi, n help mi out!! But.. Haiz.. At mornin i do be happy abit, coz i got the chance to msg wif her for tat awhile... Even jus tat awhile i so happy!! Haiz.. When can we lyk last time again??? Haiz.. Get ask by frien today, am i att nw not?? How i wish i can say yes... But.. I jus say no again... Is how sad whenever ppls ask am i att not, dan i have to ans no.. Haiz.. Ya... U know somethin?? Today the whould day until nw.. I nly smoke for 9 only!! Later b4 slp smoke 1more dan 10 only!! I reali cut down man!!! From maybe arou 18 or 19 per day cut down until 10!!! Know y?? Coz whenever i feel of smoke again aft jus smoke finish, i wil tel myself.. I wan to stop somkin coz of u!! So i nv smoke again.. At al my break n lunch time i only smoke one! U r reali lyk my god man!! Jus think of u n i can reali don smoke!! Haha.. I must keep on n cut down even more to don smoke at al!!! Wil u be dere to help mi?? I reali wish u can be here for mi!! Nw jus cut down is stil ok, but when i reali cant smoke tat time.. I think is abit hard liao!! Smoke for so long dan nw jus use bout 1week 4days to stop somkin, wil abit the scare.. Coz alot ppls say wil fall sick very easy or watever.. Haiz.. If reali i fal sick, wil u be here to tk care of mi?? Aft tonite i only left wif 1week 3days liao... Very fast.. Haiz.. How long have we know each other liao?? Got bout 2month i think.. In tis 2month, u have left mi for few days liao.. I don reali rem oso.. Sorry.. Dono y tis few weeks i keep listen wron thin or cant rem thin well?? Maybe reali old liao ba.. How long more u wil to left mi?? I reali don wan u to left mi!! Haiz.. I reali miz u n luv u!! If i reali got a chance i wil stand infront of u n hold ur hand n say I LUV U!! I nv hold a gal hand n say i luv u tis 3word b4!! I reali hope u can be the first one... Can??? Haiz.. Think end here, very tired liao.. Think u so slp liao.. Hope u have a nice n sweet dream tonite k.. Nite.. Miz n luv u cynthia..

Back again..

2005-10-23T19:48:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Not say tat i wil not goin to type anythin in tis blog again!!! I stil wil.. Haiz.. I reali wan to say a soory to u bout last nite n tis mornin!! I don wan to force u!! Maybe jus as i say.. I wil try more hard n try let everythin be the way.. I reali dono wat to say oso?? I reali don wish tat we don even reali start b4 dan we have to end it... I wish to be wif u when ever u need mi!! I don wan to lost u in my life too!! Haiz.. Somethin i wish to tel u.. I promiz tat i wil stop smokin coz of u!! I give myself a time!! I wil try to cut down until my birthday tat day is the last day to smoke!! Is jus in two week time liao!! Maybe u wun know 2week later which day.. But i wil reali stop it on tat day!! U can ask anyone when is my birthday.. So u wil know when.. U know somethin?? I nv have tis type of thinkin of stop smokin for any ppls b4!! Even agnes.. I only smoke 3aday when i was wif her time.. But behine of it.. I stil smoke.. Coz i reali nv think of stop smokin!! Is a very hard thin to do!! But i dono y.. i wil reali think of stop it coz of u!! If u reali think back.. When ever i wif u i don reali smoke much!! I maybe stil smoke.. But jus 1 or 2only.. N i wil sit far far away oso.. Coz i don wan u to be the secon smoker.. Haiz.. I'm reali sorry!! Haiz.. Dono wil i have the chance to celeb my birthday wif u not?? Or maybe stay alone at hm to celeb myself?? Haiz.. I reali don wish to be alone again in my birthday!! If reali give mi to make a wish, i wil wish tat u wil be my gf by tat time!! I dono wil it come truth?? But i jus wish n pray hard!! Yap... Say so much, oso dono wil u come in n read again not?? Haiz.. Yap.. Stayin at hm the whold day.. Reali dono wat to do.. N reali feel so sain!! I reali miz u alot!! Sorry for everythin!! Hope tat i reali have the chance to cook for u to eat one day!!

Hmmm...

2005-10-19T23:52:00.000+08:00

Hmm... today is reali a very very tired day man!!! Not body tired, but mind tired!!! Wen for tat stupid course today, sitin at dere reali wan die man... Wan slp but cant, dan keep ask we al to think of somethin!!! How to think when someone feel wan slp?? Hehe.. Hmm... the whold class only mi n ming lee is gal dan the rest al guys... So sain.... No gals to c... Haha.. Hmm... N the most bad is.. Seen lyk only mi n her n maybe 2more guy smoke only!!! Dan go for break we r the first to go n the last to go back oso.. N even late.. Haha... In the group we both oso the most unhelp ppl oso.. Haha.. Ask we think of somethin we can, ask we go out n talk we don wan... Think the guy oso cant tk us man!!! Haha.. Can jus say we r doin nothin to tis group!!! Haha... Lucky tml last day liao, if not we r goin to get kill!!! Haha.. Hmm... sain oso... Tis friday have to report at 5.30am lor... So sad..... Dan become tml aft course dan come hm rest awhile n watch tv dan have to go back camp n stay in liao!! SAIN AR!!!!!! Stay in!!!! Must pray very hard tat auyong nv stay in tml nite!!! If not... Haiz... Dono lah.. Jus thinkin report so early dan got any time off for us not?? Early in the mornin go SWAB to do checkin.... Abit the scare oso!! Dono how wil it be?? Coz of the peacker is not our ppls!! Those ppls don reali lyk to cal for cheak, dan wan us to sign for dem!!! Anythin go wron dan i have to ans for it lor!!! Is a life leh!!! Haiz... Hmm.. Dono wil check until wat time man??? Hope don too late, n hope we have a time off to rest man!! If not i reali wil die!! Last friday work until mid nite liao, hope tis week wun!! Pls ar.... I oso reali a human ar!!! So worry later tat stupid mad wong say coz i got ne more extry duty so tis friday no time off for mi man!! Don do tis to mi pls!!! Haha.. Crazy liao... Haiz even if reali happen i oso cant say anythin.. Yap yap... Hmm... So sain.. Tml tk buz myself.. Ming lee go over her gf house to stay, dan mit mi at the HDB dere tml mornin.. But one thin i lyk on course is i don have to c tat stupid workin ppls face..(some ppls) N i can end of the day early lyk today.. End at 4.30pm.. Haha.. I lyk it.... Hehe... Hmm... Got ne more thin i very happy oso!! My father have make up his mind to move house liao!! Haha.. But.. only can chose sk or pg.... Haiz.. But.... Stil batte dan nv move.. Haha.. K lah.. end here liao.. Tml don think wil type, maybe friday end of work ba..

Haiz..

2005-10-18T20:28:00.000+08:00

Wat should i say?? Hmm... Today is oso a bad day again!!! Early in the mornin got scold liao!! But scold until so much, dono izit reali coz of mi oso?? Haiz.. Jus report sick dan forget to let tat kwek know i nv go for run dan agnry until reali look lyk a duck for wat?? Hehe.. But reali wat!!! Dan i forget to tel her, dono others got not?? Cz she scold until lyk no ppls tel her lor.. Bo liao!!! Haiz.. Dan nv go for run oso can scold until last week thin!!! Lucky i stil a 2sg only!!! Last week nv wen for tat stupid talk.. If not i reali can jump into the river man!! Hmm.. Think i know who she wan to scold ba... Coz listen to the talk until half way got ppls wen for smoke... Haiz.. Pls lor.. Jus go for a smoke only wat!!! Don have to say until lyk al the smoker reali wil die wifout smokin can??? Cant understand wat u al tis old wan thinkin bout oso?? Jus lyk to scold us!! Nv scold us wil die izit?? Haiz.. Very very bo liao lor!!! Dan tat stupid mad wong today oso report sick!!! Dan she get mc dan faster run away.. Stil wan bluff say' i oso dono wat i get??' Pls lor.. Who wil dono wat u get aft come out from the door!!! The face have show out liao can?? Stupid!!!! Dan other ppl got more days mc dan u oso cant!! Lyk tat oso wan scold ppl... Is lyk she is oso got her pro dan the mo wil give her mc 1weeks wan lor!!! Sometime reali think maybe we should change the work wif u dan u wil know wat we r facin!!! HAiz.. Maybe nw ur family is ok.. Ur marry is ok.. But can u reali say when u get old ur family stil wil lyk nw?? Everyones wil have a small pro dey cant face... Pls jus try to understand can?? Haiz... Y wil we work under tis type of mad ppls??? We don get the pay from dem, but we have to c the mood to work!!! Haiz... I don reali hate the job i have, but i reali hate the ppls tat we work wif!!! Y wil tis type of ppls come into the world?? Cant understand???!!! N tat useless oc... Keep say anythin can go look for him, but everydays cant c him.. Dan even say out to him liao stil nothin did!!! Dan wat's the point to say out?? Dan jus get lost n stop askin!!! Always go for tat useless interview.. For wat?? Maybe small thin u can do or help, but come back to work... Can jus forget it!! Who dono tat u oso scare of tat few old wan???? Haiz.. Nv c a guy wil scare of old woman!!! Useless!! Tat's y i say guy is oso useless!!! Haiz.. So stupid tat mo oso lah!!! Plus mi got 4ppls go report sick, but only mi nv get mc!!!!! Hate it!!!! Dan the rest got 1 or 2 or even 1week mc, but jus not mi!!!! My god.... Go back keep get say by ppls!!! Y don get mc n get light duty... Pls lor... I oso wish i can get mc dan light duty!!!! Today cant pack chutes dan ask mi do al the useless thin!!! Haiz... But nvm... lucky i go for course at tpy for 2days!!! Haha.. Get out from tis stupid place for 2days!!! But abit sain oso.. Coz Have to go al the way to tpy!!! Sain... Get ready to slp in buz n in class!! Hehe.. How i wish nw i have my bike liao.. Dan dn have to wake up early n tk buz... Sain ar!!! I wan my bike!!!! Even if reali ask mi wake up early n find the way to dere, i so happy lah!!! Sain.... Today workin time, i know my face nv happy b4!! Even until nw stil the same!! Since last nite until nw, i reali cant think of a way to make myself happy at al!!! Y???? My mind stil cant stop!! Stil thinkin of someone!! Haiz... Hmm.. Nvm.. should stop here.. Type at my other blog... Hehe.. Don let anyones know!! Yap... Work work work...... Die die die......... Haiz...

Nothn much..

2005-10-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Nothin much to say bout today... Can only maybe say a tired today, but oso not reali lah.. Haha.. Coz in workin today, stil not tat bad!! Haha.. Mornin time be a checker dan aftnoon time have to pack freefall chute... BUT.... Most of it is my checker help mi do!! Haha... End up to be she more tired dan i do!!! Haha.. Coz i act act lyk reali forget, dan she keep do n show mi!! But the truth i reali forget oso lah... So not reali say i act!! Haha.. Hmm... BUt not reali happy the way jus nw P.S talk to mi lor!!! IS lyk she can jus ask tat my tat stupid mad wong wan mi to pack up the chute today, dan she jus say back who is the planer?? Wah liao... Say until lyk tat.... Haiz.. But is ok... Coz is i keep say tml dan pack!! Hmm... Jus back hm not long oso... Wen hougang... Haiz.. How should i say?? Or how should i feel nw?? Haiz.. I don reali wish to type out oso... Jus wish to keep it to myself ba... But al i can say is, today wen down at less i know somethin!!! I reali jus think is time to stop!!! By rite.. i should stop it very very long ago!! But i nv, n keep think of tryin!! But aft tonite, reali know wat is stop n i should stop!! Thin have say out liao, i should get it.. Don need to wait until so long dan feel more hurt!!!! Sorry if i reali turn my face, n got att... Hmm... I dono wat to say?? So i jus nv talk... Sorry if make u sain... I should thank u, for let mi know wat to do n stop!! Nw i oso know abit wat u think!!! Say the truth, i reali dono how should i feel nw?? I jus feel lost again!! Haiz... Lost in my mind n my heart... Dono wat to say or do again?? But think tml wil be batte or jus tk sometime ba!!! Hope tat buzy wif work can make mi feel batte ba!!! Can say i runin away or wat, but i jus dono wat to do!! Haiz... Reali my luv life is lyk suck!!!! As jus nw u saw it oso, young time i don reali believ it.. But until nw.. Al the thin happen keep happen, make mi cant don believ!!! Haiz... Faster die is reali batte man... Haiz.. Out of no wher nw, feel lyk so much thin to say n ask... But i cant... Maybe jus keep it to myself again n let it be ba.... Haiz... Tis few days keep listen to Stil lovin you.. Tot dat song can reali teach mi wat to do!! But nw.. No point... Can jus forget it.. Tis is the 3th time... I nv know i can try until 3time!!! HAha... Win liao man... Haiz.. I cant even make myself to laugh nw... HAiz... Ppls aways tel mi not to look down on myself, but how??? Thin tat happen aroun mi n make mi reali cant stop lookin down lor!!! I am reali jus useless i think... If ppls ask mi, wat am i reali gd ar?? I oso dono how to ans back??!!! Study?? No.. Work?? no... Know wat is reali cal life?? No again... Haiz.. Wat can i say i am reali gd at??? Who can tel mi?? Haiz.. I keep lookin for some song hope tat can sing out my heart.. But i jus cant find... Al i find a song is reali jus nice to let u listen!! Reali think is jus wat i am nw!! Hou lai.. Reali think u should go n listen!! Haha.. Haiz... Tis few days tis song keep on singin on my mind!! Haiz.. batte stop here too.. B4 i reali say ut everythin... Yap.. Haiz.. Tat's al.. Reali think i should have other blog to reali can type out wat i wish to type out!! Hehe..

Back..

2005-10-17T00:51:00.000+08:00

Jus back from the weddin not long ago... Hmm... stil ok at dere lor.. Coz of my funny cousin.. Talk alots n tk photo oso.. Haha.. Hmm... So hope for the next cousin mitin soon.. Next month... Haha.. Haiz... Dono y don reali feel happy nw?? Hmm.. think is time my blog cant reali type much in liao!! Hmm... Think batte have one more blog for myself tat reali no ppl know wan!! Haha.. Kiddin.. K lah.. Nothin much oso.. Jus feel down nw.. Thinkin of somethin.. Don is i think too much or wat?? Think of al tis jus lyk makin myself sad n down.. But jus cant stop myself to think!! Haiz... Dono lah... Sain... Tml got to work again liao!! But lucky tis week got course.. Can get out of the stupid workin place for two day!!! Hehe... So happy.. Dan maybe can end of the day early too... But very far... At tpy.... Hmm... Nvm.. Not alone.. Haha.. Hmm... My cousin is turnin back soon... Hmm... dono is happy or wat?? I know is very bad to happy for her to turn back, but if she reali think so nothin i can say!! Hmm... Is al up to her... Yap.. Haha.. Jus nw at tat weddin dinner dere.. I got so many chocolate man... Haha.. Cant tk it.. Y i tk so many back?? Hehe.. Lyk i reali goin to give ppls.. Hmm.. but i did think of give cynthia.. But too bad she don eat wan.. So... forget it ba... Eat myself.. Haha.. Goin fat soon liao, stil wan eat.. Hmm.. Nvm.. Fat or not fat oso no ppls wan so.... hack care ba.. Since no ppls wan, dan care so much for wat?? Jus eat when i wan!! Haha.. Jus nw at dere, oso not tat bad... Get to know a gal!! Hehe.. She from tw.. 23 tis yr... Haha.. Should i say is a gd thin tat i go smoke?? Haha... Crazy liao.. Hmm... Anyway.. Not i go know her, is she talk to mi first.. Dan ask to exchange e-mail... Haha.. Wher got ppl wil ask to exchange e-mail?? Hmm... but gd oso lah.. If not hp bill high if reali keep msg or wat.. Haha.. Hmm... think stop here.. Very late got to slp.. Haiz.... Stop thinkin so much liao man.... Haiz...

Cousin Dinner..

2005-10-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

Hmm.... Jus had my so cal cousin dinner back only.. But not al cousin dere.. Sad... One say not feelin wel n the guy wan nv join us... Only my small bro.. Haha... We wen for dinner at M.S at the rice table.. Not bad the food dere!! Haha... Aft dinner only have debble n joyce, mi n my small bro wen to P.S for a movie.. Wah... tat movie.... Reali cant make it man!!! Is so sain can!!!!! But got a part i get scare lah.. Haha.. But not mi only!!! Hmm.... i saw cynthia.. We did hug... I dono y when ever we have a hug, i wil jus turn my head side to kiss her.. N did the same... I keep runnin oso.. Haha.. Coz she stand behine arou the door, dan i keep run behine to c her.. Haha.. Get scold by cousin.. Hehe.. Sorry.. Hmm... Dono y today i wil go reply her msg n keep msg... Is tis gd or wat?? Ace oso did wen p.s jus nw.. Aft i know i was lyk... Wat the.... Haiz... But wat can i say?? I got n rite to say wat!! N she did reply my e-mail too.. Inside did say tat she don wan to ans mi coz she oso dono... Jus lyk she nv ans ace!!! So...... Ace did ask b4 liao!!! Haiz... Dan i reali think my chance is gettin less!!! But i dono oso lah... Haiz... I did reply her a e-mail too.. I dono y i ask her can we start al over again?? N i wil try to lok back the feelin tat i make her lost it!! Say the truth... I don even know i can find back not?? I don even know she wil say yes not oso?? But i jus wish to do it!!! Coz in my heart i jus know i don wish to lost her in my life!! I wil reali hate myself alot alot!!! Haiz... B4 i left p.s, i msg her n ask wan mi to wait for her not?? She say no.. Haiz.. N i did guess rite.. My cousin did ask i got lyk any gals not?? Att not?? Haiz.. Al i can say is no.. When i keep ask dem to go p.s watch mvie.. Dey keep ask, y must be dere?? Dan i jus say my frien work dere.. But dey lyk keep say is reali a frien or i lyk a gal from dere?? N tat joyce lyk.. Keep askin lor.. Aft she saw cynthia.. Keep ask is she my gf?? I say no.. Dan she ask again izit i lyk her?? Dan i can only say last time.. Dan she ask again... Is reali the past or stil lyk her?? I jus lyk bluff her n say is the past liao...!! My god.. Seen lyk not only bluff her, but myself too!!! Dan joyce lyk.. erm.. ok.. Lyk wat lor.. Keep ask for wat?? Kpo man.. Haha.. Dan i jus make fun ask her, y u wan intro mi gals izit?? haha.. She say no lah.. Haha.. Dan in the cab back.. She was talkin on the phone.. Dan i jus make fun.. Dan who know she ans mi to ans the phone.. Is a butch.. Dan we jus make frien.. Dan i lyk keep say by her lor.. Haiz.. The most funny thin is tat butch ask mi to go aft joyce lor!!! Is lyk.. pls lor.. not say u dono she my cousin lor!!! Dan she stil can say is ok wan!! My god!!! Tat can nv ever be happen lor!!! She is my cousin n is my father side somemore lor!!! No no no!!!!! Dan i say if tat dan i batte choose the frien of joyce... At lest she stil older dan joyce lor.. Haha.. Dan the stupid both say gd n ask mi reali go for it!!! My god!! I got the gal i lyk liao lor!! Is jus i cant get her only lor!! Haiz... Anyway.. i did told tat butch i should be att nw if i nv make a step wron!! Dan she oso say mi stupid!!! Haiz.. I oso know is my wron lah... But wat can i do nw?? I oso wish i can tk back al the word tat i say!!! Stupid mi!!! Hmm... But today i reali did enjoy myself oso!! Ever since thin happen until nw, i reali nv so enjoy anymore!! Haha.. n my cousein debble oso poor thin.. Got a bf tat is malay.. Dan her parent don allow!!! Haha.. She keep ask how?? Haha.. Poor her man.. Hmm.. mi oso very poor.. Keep get beat by tat stupid joyce.. Hmm... Abit the tired nw.. But stil feel lyk seen cynthia.. Haiz.. Jus nw she go tel her frien she i am her gf.. I was lyk.... How i wish is the truth oso lor!!! But.. Haiz.. Think she jus say of fun.. I nv watch movie wif her b4.. Tonite can say the first time.. BUt is very funny type wan oso.. Haha.. We can only sit at the flood or stand behine.. Haha.. Funny rite?? Hmm... Is oso my first time watch wif my cousin!! Dono lah.. The happy time is alwasy pass the most fast.. Dono wat wil it be for tml?? Got tat weddin... Abit the sain.. But stil got to go... HEy!!!! Ya.... Is carol reali sound so gal not???? I get say by tat butch lor!!! Augh...... Hate it!!!Dan ask mi izit i very gal oso!!! My god!!!!!! But.. am i reali very gal??? Haha... MAd liao mi... HAha.... reali so thank to the ppls today to make my life so enjoy again today!! N cynthia.. reali thank u for today nv make mi feel weird today!! When holdin ur hand i reali feel so gd.. Don wish to let go ur hand at al!! But.. cant.. Haiz.. But reali thank alot alot!!! I stil love u!!

My god..

2005-10-15T01:39:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Jus back from duty... So tired n wan slp nw.. But stil think of online awhile.. Haiz.. Hopin tat she wil reply mi.. But... Nv.. She oso not online oso!! -sad- Haiz.. How should i say today leh?? Hmm... Can say abit the n abit ok ba.. Coz aftnoon time give two jumper make until i reali very angry!! Dono dey use wat to listen??? Told dem not to touch other parachuts n jus follow mi to other table to tk parachutes.. But dey stil go n anyhow tk!!! Somemore tk wan is unpack wan lor!!! How dey goin to jump wif a unpack chutes?????? So stupid lor!!!! Haiz.. Dan get scold aft tat by my D.S.. Haiz.. But i end up quarry wif her!! Is my wron, but i stil talk back!! Feel so bad aft talk back!! Aft read cynthia msg, my temper reali change!! I dono is happy or wat?? But the msg is sayin tat, she stil cant get use wifout msg mi!! So... Is jus a use to my msg only!! She don reali lyk mi anymore!!! My heart reali break into dono how many man??!!! Haiz.. I reali dono how to say man!!??? Jus feel the heart is no more liao!! My heart reali get break from wat she sent n wat she give mi the feelin!! I reali dono wat to reply n how to reply her, dan i nv reply!! She know i don msg or reply coz i don wan get hurt, but do she know tat i reali miz her alots??? Do she know tat i reali stil wish she be my gf one day??? But i think it wil nv come truth liao!! Coz feel tat she reali have no more feelin for mi!! She can stil go on wifout mi, maybe jus only msg ba.. Haiz... Dono lah... Nw is reali so so so tired n heart pain!!! She nv msg mi today bout how many days i left her.. Maybe she get tired of it liao or maybe she enjoyin herself nw ba... Or maybe she is out wif her PB... Haiz.... If she reali is wif her.. Dan hope she enjoy herself ba... I have show her alots of my feelin liao, to let her know how sad i am liao..!! But she don care or wat i oso cant say anythin!! Haiz.. Today aftnoon time, slpin in my camp i got a very funny dream.. I cant reali rem wat dream was tat aft i wake up?? But the dream lyk very real!!! Haiz... Dono lah..... Cynthia....... my last time someone the only someone...... I reali so wish i can hug u again n c u nw!!!!! But... Haiz... I keep thinkin of u everydays, do u know not??? I saw ur friendster last nite.. Sayin tat u cant have her as urs.. Is ur someone.. I sent u a e-mail n ask u, who is tat ppl tat u cant have?? But u nv reply mi!! I dono when u change, but i last nite dan saw it!! I reali feel s heart pain n sorry...!!! Coz if only i saw it long ago, n i know how to luv u early maybe nw i wun have to be lyk tis anymore!!! Reali so sorry tat i stil hurt u!!! I reali don wan it!!! Haiz.... Tml got to mit my cousin liao, don wat dey wil talk or say??? But i believ dey wil ask i got gf not lah?? Got lyk any gals not lah.. Al tis... I reali dono how to ans oso?? Should i say ya.. I did lyk a gal, but i cant get her?? Or should i say no.. I nv lyk any gals!!! Haiz...... How????? I reali wish i can say i am att.. I got a gf tat reali very gd n nice!! But i jus cant get u anymore!!! Haiz... Dono wher u nw?? Wat u doin?? eat liao?? Got rest more not?? Happy??? Haiz... I jus got so much of think to think of u!!! Haiz... So hunger nw... Jus nw on duty time get cut abit at my hand.. So wish u were dere to wash my hand for mi n tk care mi, or even say or scold mi for so careless!!! But.. Haiz... CYNTHIA................... I REALI WISH I CAN SAY TO U TAT I REALI REALI LOVE YOU!!!!! Haiz.... Think stop here ba... My hand reali reali very tired n i reali cant open my eyes liao!! Waitin for u to sign in msn, but u nv.. Think u r slp liao or stil outside or talkin wif ppls ba!! Haiz.. Nite to u!! I reali miz u so much!! Got a feelin of gin to ur work place to c u tml.. Haiz... I LOVE U!!! Haiz..

Nothin to say..

2005-10-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

Haiz... last nite i reali reali so hate myself for wat i type in my msn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aft listen to purest of pain dono y got the feelin of go n type in my msn -if i ask u to be my gf wil u say yes?- But oso jus nice lor.. When tis song start cynthia sign in msn.. Haiz.. Dno lah... Last nite aft know she tryin to run away from my qus, i reali so feel very very sad... But nv tel her.. Haiz.. I try my best until i even ask out liao.. But tis is wat i get back!! I reali nothin to say!! Today whold day my mind keep thinkin y i go n type??? Reali hate myself for it!!!!!!!!!!! Haiz... I wil nv ask again... I should know the ans liao, but i stil ask... REali reali hate myself so much!!!!!!!!!!!! Haiz... Aft tat i jus say i wan go slp.. But i was lyin in my bed n hate myself for it!! She msg to my hp oso.. Sayin tat nite to mi n mizzin mi i have left for 4day liao.. N she even cal mi 'my somene'.... I reali dono wat she wan mi to say or do??? I ask liao she run away my qus, dan i heart pain time she msg n cal mi my someone... Jus wat she wan???? I reali dono??? Haiz... I reali feel wan crazy soon.... Haiz... Today keep gp n read al the msg tat i got to keep in my hp.. Reali feel the heart is pain... whenever i read the msg tat say she got the same feelin for mi n ace.. The heart is reali lyk drop down from a very very high place lor.. The heart is oso lyk very very cold n pain!!!! I reali hate tat msg so much!! But i nv delete... Haiz... I am jus lyk playin myself.. Know tat msg can hurt mi so much but i stil wan keep.. Haiz.. Nw she is in msn oso.. But is under phone.. I think she should be talkin t her ace ba... Haiz.. B4 on my com, i was lyk keep tellin myself tis two day don on.. But... i stil on it... Haiz... Tml think wil not on it.. Coz tml on nite duty until dono wat time.. N i reali think i am reali reali very liao.. The feelin the heart n the work n even my family thin is reali too much too pain until i reali need so rest!!! But i can only let my body rest n not my mind... Haiz... I dono lah... Nw my heart is so pain... Coz keep thinkin of her again!!! Haiz... Y am i so useless???? Nw i reali can c n feel tat she is reali ok liao.. Nothin is reali hurt her anymore.. Maybe for her frien quarry dan she sad ba.. But not mi anymore i think!!! Only mi alone stil stay in the sad n heart pain.... When can i reali get over??? Haiz... Tis sat stil mittin for debble dey al for the cousin dinner at HMV.. Got to act lyk nothin again.. Haiz... Y is tis my life??? Have to act everywher i go everythin i do... I reali hate it so much can???? Y do jus let mi die even more batte rite??? Haiz... Smetime i reali wish when i go into my world time i can jus kill myself, since in my world time i wun feel any pain!!! LET MI DIE PLS!!!!!!!!! Haiz....

Do i make the rite way??

2005-10-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Last nite was n msn wif cynthia.. Chat until half way both lyk chat until don reali gd.. Dan in the end i stil end up give her my blog add.. To let her read n know how i reali feel tis few days.. Haiz... Izit the rite way dat i give?? I did say i don wish to let her know much bout mi n how i feel!! But i stil let her know!!! Haiz... Aft read she don reali say anythin.. Dan end up i cal her n talk until mornin 3plus.. In the phone we oso nv reali talk much.. Jus only say tat she wan mia for awhile.. N she say tat ppl tat she care wun care for her anymore!! Pls lor!!!! Did i say i wun care for her anymore??? I STIL CARE LOR!!!!! But how she wan mi to say out i stil care?? Haiz.. I reali dono how to say?? Haiz.. I am reali reali so fan nw lor.. Jus nw go play blowin until half way, my mind think of her again!! I jus keep thinkin of her until nw!! I keep lookin at my hp oso.. Keep have the feelin tat got msg.. Haiz.. She reali wan go mia??? She reali oso give up liao?? Wat should i do?? Nw i keep have a feelin feel lyk go msg her n ask her be my gf!!! But i cant... Last nite she did say bout tat gal she use to lyk wan again... She got feelin back to her aft she saw her yesterday again!! Haiz.. My heart was lyk.. So cold lor.. So pain.. I jus act lyk nothin.. Haiz.. Y??? Y cant she reali feel wat my heart is nw?? Cant she reali try to look for the feelin back too?? She reali wan give up liao?? Haiz.. I reali feel so sad!!!!! Reali wan cry nw lor!!! Haiz.. Keep havin tis feelin for cryin very long... Haiz.. Today reali got 2extry duty... Haiz... Tis friday have to do duty again... Somemore is a nite wan!!! Dono wan to work until mid nite wat time again liao?? Dan monday report same time again.. Haiz.. Tis few days reali so buzy in work, until wan die soon.. Aft work cant stop myself to start thinkin of her again!! Tis type of life reali killin mi lor!!!!! Haiz.. N last nite saw my cousin.. Ask her y so long don go hm.. Dan know somethin tat reali reali very very angry!!! I reali reali cant believ i got a uncle tat so bad wan lor!!! He touch my cousin doen dere(cb) when she only pri sch, dan touch her leg when she on sec sch.. Dan nw she in ITE liao.. Every mornin she wake up my uncle wil stand next to her bed n lookin at her!!! Pls lor.. Wat the fuck he is doin or lookin at???? I reali cant believ it lor!!!! When i told my mum bout it, she nv reali say anythin oso!! HAiz... Dono lah.. But i wun let tis thin go on lor.. Tis sunday i wil try to g over n c how?? I wan to know wat type of uncle is tis?? Haiz.. Y thin aroun mi keep somethin happen?? Haiz... Reali feel so sad so down n so heart break n reali reali break down nw!! Everydays seen to be very hard for mi to pass!! Haiz.. Nw stil think of her... Dono wher is she nw?? Got eat not?? N is she happy?????? Haiz... How i wish she wil msg mi nw!!!!! But i know it wil nv again!!! She reali wan mia from mi oso??? Haiz.... My mind is full of y nw... N i reali reali miz her alots alots!!!! How i wish i can c her nw oso!! Haiz.....

Feel lyk cryin out..

2005-10-12T00:23:00.000+08:00

Jus reach hm not long.. Out wif mo n feng to go pray. But nv get to pray, coz by the time reach everythin finish liao.. Haiz.. Reali feel lyk cryin today.. I dono y?? My mind keep thinkin of cynthia today!! In camp when talkin wif frien, can talk until somethin tat make mi think of her!! N everyones know bout my thin oso liao!! Haiz.. Get scold by dem.. Coz i ask for it!! Haiz.. As wat dey say.. Who ask mi wan to push her away.. Nw heart pain or wat oso useless liao!! Haiz.. Dan reach hm, jus got the feelin of cryin but cant cry out.. Haiz.. I reali hate tis type of stupid feelin lor!! If reali wan cry jus cry out, don let mi have tis wan cry but cant cry feelin!!!!! Jus nw in mo car, i got a msg from her.. Say tat today is the 3th day i left her.. The min i saw tat msg, i feel happy, coz she stil wil msg mi.. BUT.... The next min i feel lyk cry again!! Haiz.... How can i reali stop myself for stop thinkin of her???? I try alot of ways, but i stil wil miz her.. Jus nw go pass hougang i reali so sad lor... How i wish i can go look for her!!! But i cant!!! Haiz... Jus nw feng say the gal tat carol wan lor.. Sayin cynthia is mine.. Reali feel even more sad n i jus say she is not mine!!!! We r no longer anymore!!!The word jus out from mi, the heart feel so sad n pain!!!! Wat should i jus do nw??????? I reali reali miz her soooo much!!! I even think of give her my blog add to ask her come in n read lor...!!!!! Haiz.. BUt i cant!!! If i give her, dan she wil know how i feel liao!! I don wish to let her know!!! The sad the down n the heart break i have, is reali very very bad lor!!!! I reali reali try so hard to make myself up n get to my old life tat wifout her!!! But don care how much i try oso no use!!! Y????????????? HAiz.......... From i nv fal for her until i reali fal for her... I cant think of the feelin lor!!! The moment i jus fal for not long n i get hurt!!! I nv reali try b4 lor!!! How to tk it, i reali dono????? Haiz... Jus read her blog oso.. As wat she say.. Tis maybe a gd thin oso... From tat i can feel tat she reali don seen to care so much as last time anymore!! Jus feel so heart break lor!!! Haiz.. Y?? Y do i so kpo go n read her blog?? I am sad liao n i stil go read somethin tat make mi feel even more sad!!! So fuckin stupid rite??? Haiz... Nw on msn wif her! But i have to act lyk i am hack care her.. Reply her by few word... I'm reali reali sorry cynthia.. My last time someone!!! I reali don wan to reply u by tis way!!! But i don wan to let u know my feelin of it!!! Haiz... I reali reali so wish i can jus have u as my real gf!!! But it wil nv come truth!!! Haiz... Y??? Y is my love always end up lyk tis to mi??? Tis is jus so unfair to mi lor!!! Y do i have to end up in tis type of sad thin??? Haiz... I reali dono how to stop thinkin of her????!!! Wh can jus tel mi wat to do????? Haiz... Y cant i jus reali cry out??? Few time in a day feel lyk cryin, the feelin is not gd!!!!! She jus say mi.. I give her the feelin i can stil live on wifout her!!! PLS LOR!!!!!!!! How sad i am lor everydays!!!! I CANT GET USE TO IT LOR!!!! Even my frien oso know!!! I keep lookin at my hp.. Dey even say mi.. Nw my hp no msg liao lor.. I happy liao lor!! But i am not happy at al!!!!!!! I reali feel so sad can???? Haiz.. Who can i talk to?? Who can understand mi???? Haiz...... Pls... Jus let mi reali cry out can???? ut of no wher my mind come out a song.. How do i live wifout u?? I rem i did told her i listen to tat song.. She reply n say u don have to live wifout mi, coz i wil not live u!! I reali feel so happy wif tat word!! Haiz... Today i oso cant stop myself to go n read her msg tat the last time i say i wan live her.. How stupid i am tat i nv save the msg tat we r so enjoy n happy!! I only got to save al the sad msg!!!! Haiz... y am i jus so stupid??? I should jus lyk a pig.. Coz pig is stupid until die wan!!!!! Y cant i oso die faster oso????? Wat's the poin to let mi stay on n live in a sad world???? Y??? Y do u al have to let mi live in tis type or world???? YYYYYY????????????????????????? Haiz.... Should i reali give her my blog???? Haiz...

Feel so bad..

2005-10-10T20:04:00.000+08:00

Listen to sometimes love just aint enough again.. Haiz.. Last nite b4 i reali rest at bed, i told myself.. Aft i lyin on tis bed n fal aslp when i wake up time, everythin jus gone n nv ever happen b4 in my life.. Tot i reali can do it!! But don care wat i am doin or at wher, my mind is thinkin of wat she sent mi the msg at midnite mornin 4plus... Haiz... I feel very very bad.. But jus wat can i do?? Its hurt mi when we stil be frien.. I cant act lyk nothin happen b4 lor!! I don wish to let her c how sad i am oso!! I jus wish she be happy n be gd when she reali stead wif ace!!! Last nite aft finish the puzzle, i was thinkin wan give her not?? So i msg her n ask wat time she be back hm?? She nv reply until very late.. I was thinkin if past 12am she stil nv reply, i am not goin to give her anymore n jus throw away.. But jus nice she reply mi at bout 11plus.. So i tk cab down to her place n give it to her.. Aft give her, we keep sayin we sent who go first.. BUt i stil sent her to the lift.. When i turn aroun n walk, my heart feel so pain... How i wish i don have to turn away.. But i cant.. I cant turn back the time.. I cant make her got feelin for mi anymore!!! Everythin is al too late!!! I reali hate myself so much!! Today i keep lookin at the cut dat i cut myself yesterday.. Haiz.. Lucky she nv saw.. Today lucky my hand stil can pack chutes.. But of coz wil pain oso lah.. Haiz.. But wat to do?? I stil got to pack, even is pain!! I don wan to let anyone to know!! Haiz.. Sometime i reali feel very heart pain when ever she cal mi by coy.. But wat can i say?? As nw the 'someone' should change ppl liao!! From mi change to ace.. Ace should be the 'someone' to her nw.. Coz i am out liao... But jus nw when she reply mi n say, how to be happy when she know her someone is gone liao?? Haiz.. When i saw tat 'someone' i reali feel so sad n heart pain!!! I reali feel lyk reply her n say tat 'someone' is not mi anymore!! But i nv.. Coz if i do tat she may be hurt.. Haiz.. I dono?? Reali dono.... How i wish i can find back the feelin for her again!! How i wish i can tk back al the hurt word tat i say to her b4!! But everythin jus too late liao!! Maybe to her nw everythin should be ok liao.. Maybe she wun feel tat sad anymore as last time liao.. I believ she wil tk care herself n be happy.. Haiz.. As for mi?? I reali dono oso?? Maybe jus tk time ba.. Haiz.. How long wil i need to tk to forget tis everythin?? Haiz.. How long more i stil have to feel the heart pain n sad?? Haiz.. Nw how i jus wish she got my blog n come in n read.. Haiz.. But too bad.. Coz i nv give her my blog.. As no one have only my cousin.. Haiz.. Wat i say is only to myself again.. But i jus reali feel lyk sayin out.. Haiz... CYNTHIA....... Y cant i jus forget u nw?? As we r not even start at al yet!!! Haiz... Do u know how much i reali reali miz u not?? When ever i come back hm, how i wish i wil saw u arou!!! But when ever i look at my door, i jus feel the sad n tel myself.. Tis al wil nv be happen!! As u don even know my add!! N maybe to u nw, i am not tat imp anymore la.. Haiz... I nv tot i wil cry for u.. But yesterday.. I cry out.. When go mit u, i don even dare to look at u.. Jus scare u wil c.. But u don even know oso.. Until tis morni i stil feel my eyes swollen.... Haiz.... Wat should i do??? I jus wish i can reali forget al tis thin tat jus happen in my life again!!! Haiz.... REali heart so pain n break nw.... Nw i reali can understand wat reali the song mean.. Sometimes love just aint enough!! How i wish i nv understand.. Haiz..

Wake up...

2005-10-09T20:29:00.000+08:00

Jus reali wake up from my world.. Haiz.. Whole body lyk so lost.. My hand so pain.. Jus saw myself cut again... But al in the word of C only.. Haiz.. But the most pain nw is.. My heart n my hand.. Last nite beat somethin again.. Nw think hit again ba.. Cant reali move much my hand.. Same hand again.. Haiz... I did go n msg her.. But wat i say i reali dono, until i go read my msg.. Haiz.. Lost until go n tel her so much thin for wat?? It wil nv be back again!!! Even since dono when until nw, i nv lyk tis again liao.. But nw.. Haiz... Reali hate myself for fal in luv again... Which i should not lor.. But everythin jus seen to be too late to say liao!!!! I start to hurt myself again!! Haiz... If at first i don fal inluv, i wun have to hurt myself again.. BUt nw... Haiz... Hand so pain nw.. Dono how to go work tml wif tis hand man.. Haiz... Tot i did say b4, tis wil nv be happen in my life again?? But stil happen liao... Cut on my hand my leg, everywher again.... But lucky not much n deep.. Is only my hand.. HOW????? HOW to work?? Haiz... Nw only worry is my heart... Hope can recover soon ba... N aft tis.. I reali reali don wan to fal in luv again!!!!!!! Stop it!!!!!!!! Don wan to get hurt n lyk nw again!!!!! Tis feelin is not gd at al!!!! No ppls know how i feel nw!!!! Haiz... Keep listen to the song of sometimes love just aint enough... Makin myself more sad!!! Haiz.. Since i have wake up, dan i should start al over again!! Not hidin again!!! I don wan to fal in luv or live i my sad world again!!! Haiz... Should stop here.. Hand reali pain.. So hard to type, but stil type os much liao.. Haiz...

Again..

2005-10-08T18:55:00.000+08:00

Again thin happen liao.. I chose t give up again tis time.. Haiz.. Last nite aft read her blog i reali dono wat to say.. Jus feel so lost.. I tot thin can back to the same to the start again, but everythin reali reali seen to be too late liao!! I try to get her n start the puzzle, but nw not even half way i have to stop again!! I reali can feel the god is reali playin wif mi.. Nw.. It jus seen lyk i have abit get use to her n nw.. Everythins gone liao!! I reali hate tis type of feelin!!! Nw.. I oso dono wat should i say or do?? Stay at hm the whold day.. Dono wat to do n wat to think?? Jus only got the feelin of lost in my world again!! Even tot today cook somethin at hm n ask her over to eat! Coz i did say b4 i wil cook for her.. But nw.. Back to the same n eat myself at hm.. Cookin tat food i reali add alot of salt to salt myself to die.. Coz tat wats i say to her tat time when i say give time.. I try to push her away dan i say she n mi r diff.. I ltk to eat alot alot os salt, but she don.. Haiz.. Lookin at the food reali make mi dono wat to say?? I use to very enjoy to cook at hm, but nw.. I reali start to hate cookin..!! Coz.. Few of the ex let mi have the feelin of sad whenever i cook.. Nw.. Got to add one more gal in.. Maybe at first i should jus stay on to let go, don listen to any ppls.. Nw.. I can reali feel my heart is so down nw!!! My mind is al bout her.. But i cant reali think of her.. Coz nw i have to let go!!! Tis time is goin to be the last time n nv change again!! I jus wan to stay back to the same mi again!! Stay hm aft work n maybe once in awhile out wif feng dey al ba... Maybe tis is more batte life for mi!!!Haiz........ HOW??? WAT SHOULD I DO???? My mind is al her nw!!!!!!!! Haiz... My cynthia.. my someone..... my gf......... U r on my mind nw!!!! But i cant get u anymore!!!!!! U r out of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y????? Y DO I ALWAYS LYK TO WAIT UNTIL I LOST SOMEONE DAN I KNOW IT HURT???????????????? Haiz..... How i wish i can make myself reali lost nw!!! Haiz......

Tis whole week....

2005-10-07T20:52:00.000+08:00

Haiz.... Tis whole week reali dono how should i say bout it man???!!! Haiz... The last time i late for work think is at last yr lor.. Nv tot tis yr wil late again n the most hate it is tat.. Jus a week i late for two time lor!!! My god!!! Haiz... N tis two day is report at 10.30am lor.. I stil can late lor!! Can u jus believ it?? Haiz... N jus waitin for oc to say yes or no for tat stupid 3extry duty for mi liao.. So hope he wil say no or maybe jus one lor.. I am so tired liao stil wan mi do 3time.. I wil reali reali die wan lor!!! Pls lor.. Is not i wan to late oso lor!! I dn lyk to be late oso, but i jus dono y tis week i am so tired man??? Haiz.. I stil slp at the same time, but i jus cant give up lor.. Wat reali goin on man??? Haiz... Think i batte guai guai stay in camp ba.. At lest nothin to do in camp i can slp early n slp more oso.. The most gd is i don have to worry for late for work again!! Haiz... Same time i can oso save money too!! Reali no mood at al nw... Later mitin mo mo n feng day al go pray.. Reali think i need to pray man... Nw reali hate myself n my father so much lor!! Ask him to borrow mi money to buy bike oso cant.. Not reali say cant, but he keep say only can buy first hand wan.. Reali hate it lor!! Haiz.. Tis 27 i must reali reali pass dan i wil make such he wil pay for the most ex bike for mi!!! I wun let him go!!! Coz i jus hate him so much nw!!! Don even feel lyk cal him oso!! Tat's y be out late tis few days, jus to run away from him!! Since tis is wat he teach mi wan dan i jus do it lor!!! U FORCE MI TO DO IT!!!! Hump.... Haiz... Dno lah.. say so much nw oso no mood... Haiz.. Hmm... nw mi n cynthia r ok liao.. We did hold hand, hug n kiss.. But jus not yet ask her to be my gf yet.. But soon ba i think... Yap.. Haiz.. dono lah.. Nw i am so bad lucky n so fan.. I cant go ask her oso.. Coz i scare later i anyhow throw my temper to her dan she poor thin liao.. Haha.. Hmm... But i oso wander how shuld i tel ace bout it?? I reali scare she wil anyhow think or wat!! I reali reali nv think or play anyone at al!!! But wat i do jus seen lyk i am playin ppls lor.. Haiz... Dono lah.. Say the truth lor.. I'm the type tat wish my gf wil have time for mi wan lor.. But cynthia dn reali seen to much time for mi wan lor.. The time we can mit maybe only at nite time.. Aft her work lah or wait at her house dere al tat.. The rest of the time she wil be wif her frien or work.. Soon she goin to sch reopen liao.. Even more no time i think.. Haiz.. I reali so hope tat i wil have a chance, my gf wil wait for mi at my camp outside n go eat 2gether.. But since i start work in army until nw it have no happen b4 at al!! Haiz... So sad... Can only c ppls got the gf to wait for dem, but jus not mi... Haiz.. Maybe i wil nv have tis chance ba... Coz i nv tel ppls bout it b4!! How wil ppl know?? Haiz.. Al i wish a gf wil do to mi, is jus lyk how dey wish ppls wil do to dem.. But jus no ppls wil know.. Izit i am too gal liao?? Haiz.. I need to change liao.. Think the way i am nw is reali very bad.. Don seen lyk wat i use to be last time!! Wher is the last time mi?? Haiz.. Sad n down man.. Hope later aft go pray thin can change abit to batte ba... I reali don wish tis type of life to happen to mi again!!!

He choose the same way again...

2005-09-22T20:07:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. I reali feel so down n sad nw.. I cant believ my bro nv go back camp again... Tis is the 3th time liao.. He reali very enjoy inside izit?? If reali dan jus stay inside forever.. Don ever come out again.. I can jus tk it tat i don have tis type of bro b4.. Havin of tis type of bro only hurt mi n make myself sad n have to worry for him everydays everytime.. Tis yr i reali wish to change myself to be batte in camp.. I try not to tk my leave jus try to keep it.. So tat If i reali very tired one day i can jus tk it n rest at hm.. But nw only sep, my leave left wif only maybe 1N half day or jus half day liao.. In tis yr i can reali say tat i nv tk my leave for nothin wan lor.. Or rest oso don have lor... Tis yr i lost 2gandma in few month time.. I have to tk leave for it.. Dan Jus left wif only 3day only.. Dan nw stil have to tk jus to brin tat useless bro back to his camp.. I even tot of when my birthday come near i can tk leave dan rest n celeb.. But nw.. I reali don c tat need anymore.. I don even have leave anymore liao.. N i stil get say by tat mad wong again.. To her i don reali got any change at al.. As wat jus nw she say mi.. U always use up ur leave wan lah.. Yes i dare to say tat the first tw yr i reali tk leave for nothin, but not reali al oso.. Coz my parent thin dan i tk.. N tis yr i reali did try very hard to change liao n try not to tk leave.. I start to lyk to go work everydays.. Ya.. I don lyk the feelin of early in the morni have to wake up n i don lyk to run.. But i did change myself liao lor.. From don lyk to work n dono anythin until nw i can oso feel abit of change for myself lor.. But y cant u jus feel abit n try to change urself to batte oso?? Maybe u don have any family pro nw, but when u gettin old leh?? Tk a think b4 u say ppls pls.. Haiz... I reali feelin lyk cryin out jus nw.. But i keep tel myself not to cry.. I am reali goin to break down very very soon time liao lor.. But y cant jus anyone try to understand mi so?? I jus a human lyk u al, but y cant u al tk mi as a human to?? Tis family reali hurt mi to deep n makin mi crazy soon liao lor.. It's always lyk tat.. Anythin dan jus say mi look for mi.. Lyk i am the one in the stupid wron lor.. Y must u al do tis to mi?? Izit reali tat every yrs my birthday oso have to make mi reali give up n sad?? I nv c or know anyone wil have the same as mi.. Every yrs birthday comin son somethin bad wil happen until my birthday over.. Sometime even over liao stil very bad thin happen to mi.. Is tis reali reali my life not??????? PLS......... TEL MI!!!!! I reali hate my life to the hell lor... Al my blog almost the same thin tat i keep type n sad bout.. Luv, money,work n family... Its always the same... Y cant i jus learn to give up?? Tis is wat last time agnes teach mi, but i jus cant do it!! Y?????????? Haiz... I reali don dare to think of my birthday again... Everyones hopin the birthday to come but not mi.. Cant i jus be the same wif dem?? Tis yr goin to turn 21 soon, n i have go by 21yrs of sad birthday.. Young time on my birthday i get slap by my father n oso get throw out from hm.. Who wil lyk mi?? Haiz.. I reali goin to give up aft tml sent him back!! I don wish to come into tis family thin again anymore i promiz!!!! I think is reali time to learn to give up liao!! I WIL GIVE IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haiz... JH JH JH..... Y wil i stil miz u?? Cynthia.. Pls don reali fal for mi.. I reali so scare to hurt u!! I know myself too well... Aft become stead i wil start to change to other person.. So i don reali wish to hurt u.. Sorry... Haiz..

I feel very bad..

2005-09-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

Am i very bad?? aft i know tat JH have break up wif her gf i feel abit the happy.. But i can c the way she type is abit sad.. For wat dey break up i oso dono, coz i did ask her but she don wan to say.. Hmm.. Is she run away from mi ?? she saw my display in msn n she ask mi, who i miz?? I nv reali tel her who, jus say nothin.. Dan my com ds, so i log out n restart again, but think too late.. She log out liao.. Haiz.. Y cant she wait abit more?? Or she jus don wan chat wif mi?? Aft tat i msg her hp, but she nv reply oso.. Haiz... Dono lah.. Maybe for her i am jus scare her ba, or wat.. Hmm... but i got my reson for wat i wil type in my display.. Yap.. Haiz.. Say the truth i did let go the feelin, but i stil wil miz her in some how n some wher.. I oso dono how to say the feelin?? It's jus feelin so funny lor... I reali so wish to know izit she reali runnin away from mi?? The way we talk or type is reali seen lyk worst dan last time.. How i reali wish time can turn back!! But i know how much i pray time wil only go on n nv stop!! How i reali wish tat nw i stil got a chance to go aft her!! But i oso scare tat the ans wil turn out to be a sad thin for mi!! Haiz.. Not long ago bout 1week one day i know a gal.. She cal cynthia.. We nv mit b4 yet until nw, but we keep msg n talk to each other everydays.. I don feel anythin to her to say the truth.. But the way we chat n msg jus lyk a stead msg to each other.. I don dare to tel her n i don wan to hurt her oso.. But nw i reali did abit scare to hurt her.. Coz i scare she wil tot i lyk her.. But how should i goin to tel her?? Haiz.. She oso not bad lor.. Maybe we jus c lor.. Maybe one day reali wil have feelin out?? But one thin.. I reali lyk the way i am nw oso.. Stay alone.. I jus wish tat when i need someone to talk dere wil have someone beside mi to listen.. N if she need mi i jus be dere for her can liao.. I don reali wan to be stead lor.. Coz stead wil end up quarry or break up.. Dan by tat time both oso wil feel hurt.. Haiz.. I oso don lah.. Jus let it be first ba.. C how thin wil go on.. Think i reali mix too much wif workin ppls lia.. Miz until abit start to same wif dem, don go for stead jus wan to look for fun.. But of coz i still nt reali so bad lah.. Haha.. Hmm... But say the truth aft JH i did wish to have more ONS again.. But i nv go look for it lah.. I jus wish it wil be JH again n last.. Haiz.. Don lah.. How i wish she reali got the chance to read my blog one day.. But it wun happen, coz i nv even give her my blog add.... Haha.. Crazy liao mi.. Hmm.. Tis few days reali abit crazy.. So angry in work place oso.. Doctor ask mi to wear long shirt to cover my hand, so cant reali touch the canopy.. Dan my mad wong ask mi to wear long4.. She know the feelin not ar?? Wear tat to pack chutes is reali so hot n hard lor... So angry lor.. Play word wif mi nw.. Say the mo only say don wear No.4 but nv say cant wear long4.. But pls lor.. Both r the same wan lor.. Jus got fold up or not only lor.. Haiz.. Maybe tml i reali have to talk to her but it!! If not i reali wil die lor!!! Wear for 1month lor.. Not ne week or wat lor.. Tis two day reali hot until i wan die soon liao man... I wil lyk tis oso coz of the stupid parachutes lor.. Stil wan say mi.. Haiz.. Reali give up ar.. JH.. I'm sorry if i reali scare u or wat.. But pls feelin reali is not wat we wan stop dan wil stop wan lor.. Hope u can understand.. I miz u!!

Haiz....

2005-09-18T20:44:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. How shuld i type first leh?? Hmm... Sometime i reali think young time is always batte dan nw.. Maybe my young time wun be very happy oso, but nw is even more not happy i think!!! Haiz.. young time when come to any celeb i wil have the chance to enjoy wif my family or my cusin, but dono since when start i don have any chance to celeb wif dem anymore.. Today can say is lantern festival, but i am alone in the house to watch tv.. Haiz.. nw 9pm liao.. The festival start at 6.30pm to 10pm.. Haiz.. think reali don need to go liao.. Haiz.. I did told dem very long ago say i buy two ticket liao, dan nw say i nv tel dem bout it.. Jus nw say ok, dan jus less dan 5min hp cal dan out liao.. Stil say mit mi dere at 8.30pm but end up 8.45 lyk tat dan cal mi ask ask wan go not?? Dan i ask her wab go time dan cal mi, she wait until nw dan cal mi which is 9.19pm liao lor.. Left wif only 40min only lor.. Go for wat?? Haiz.. Ask frien dan al not free.. Don ask mi to go myself?? Pls lor.. wil buy until two ticket dan go alone wan??? I don wan look lyk a stupid at dere n somemore stil got my workin ppls oso lor.. Don wan to get laught lor.. Haiz.. I reali hate myself for be s kpo to go n buy lor.. Buy so many thin jus to try get close to my family, but who wil care?? No ppl at al lor.. Nw the ffelin reali jus feel lyk cryin lor.. Last time when i att i wif my gf out, dey wil cal n scold i nv care bout dem al tat.. Nw i wan bring dem al oso very hard lor.. Jus seen lyk i have to book dem first wan lor.. Even bok liao oso can only pei mi for few hrs if luckly, if not maybe jus 30mins or eat finish dan dey have to go liao.. Some is even no time for mi!! Can dey jus think of mi not?? I so jus a human only, i so need ppls to care to luv lor.. Since u al cant luv n care for mi dan i look for a gf to pei n care for mi lah.. Dan u al oso not happy say i don have my family ppls liao!!! Jus wat u al wan mi to do??? I reali dono lor.. I jus think we r reali goin to lost the close to each other liao lor.. If reali tat one day wil come jus dn say is my wron again lor!! Coz don care wat i do oso no use.. Al u al wil think of is urself n ur frien ur money only.. Who wil reali stil care for the family ppls?? Haiz.. I reali wan to move out myself!! Aft my bike pass i wil save money to move out liao!! I don wish t stay at a hm dat no care n n luv wan lor.. I cant tk it lia lor.. Since young i have to go on lyk tis until nw.. Jus wat type of family is tis??? I reali give up liao tis time.. Aft so long only tis family keep make mi feel lyk cryin n sad over it.. Haiz.. I jus wish to stay happy in my life n tat's al only..Wat ever i wish i pray n i hope wil nv ever come truth.. Who can tel mi pls?? Is tis reali goin to be my life?? I don wan lor!! If reali have to be lyk tis, dan i jus wish dat i can jus die first lor.. Dan stay in tis type of life lor!! As i say n wish since young.. I reali wish i can jus die early, but it jus nv happen.. How i reali wish i can jus faster die dan i don have to care bout anythin anymore!! If anyone ask mi wat i wish to be in my next life, i wil say i wish i can jus be a bird.. So i can fly the most high n so freedom.. Don have to reali care so much.. Jus al i need is look for food n eat.. Haiz... Dono lah.. Nw reali wat mood so don have liao.. Jus wish to be alone.. Haiz...

Is reali a big big bad day for mi!!

2005-09-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is reali a very very big bad day for mi today man!!!! Cant tk it ar!!! Haiz.... Jus reach hm but 30mins ago... Tis aft had a quarry wif wrokin ppl.. Keep sayin to ppls tat i always use my rank n 1st IC to order her to do thin!!! But PLS LOR......... From the first day she be ny 2th IC until nw wat did she reali do in the thin????? She always get att out dan i have to do al the thin myself, n even get scold myself lor....!!!! Only a few time when she aroun dan i got the chance to ask her do somethin n is oso coz i reali no time to do dan i ask her to do wan lor!!! She dare to say to P.S say tat i always use my 1st IC or my rank to order her do thin lor.... Pls lor.. Ppls oso have eyes to C wan lor!!!! She can change everythin over jus she wan lor!!! Smeppls dono wan reali tot i am tis type of ppl lor!!! I reali cant tk it liao lor!!! I reali wan to change liao lor... I don wan to work wif her!!!! I wish to learn more thin oso lor!!! Dan everydays only know look for my tape al the useless thin lor!!!! Haiz... Tot aft work can jus forget n enjo myself, but who know nite time get "F" by my stupid father!!! But is not my worn can or not??? I even try to bring my small bro back dan left him wif my mother outside until mid- nite lor!!! I oso slp very late lor, dan next day oso have to wake up early to go work lor!!! N is not i g out time nv cal my bro wake up lor!! I DID LOR!!!! But he slp back how i know??? Lyk tat i oso have to get it??? I reali reali hate my mother for goin wat prayin lah al tat stupid thin lor!! Coz of al tis i always have to get it for nothin!! Is not say tat i oso very believ in chinese god lor!!! I even quarry wif my mother alots of time coz of prayin lor!!! But in the end i stil have to get it everythin!!! HELLO....... I oso a human lor... I oso wan my rite n my freedom lor.... I nv go out late or evn go out for don how many months liao lor... I think maybe tis whold yr lor!!!! Jus tis few nite i out n is so on friday os sat only lor... Dey have to keep callin my hp to ask wher am i?? Wat time i wil go hm??? N even more best is bluff mi say no keys to open the door al tat, jus wan mi to go hm!!! Pls lor... I am goin t turn 21 soon in tis yr liao lor!!! I am not goin to under u al anymore liao lor!!! I reali cant believ my father can use no key to jus bluff mi come back hm!!!! I don c u al wil do the same thin to my big bro?? I know wat i am doin lor!! Sometime i reali oso think i am even more know wat i am doin n thinkin lor!! But haiz.. don care i know how to think not i stil get it whenever anythin happen!! MY GOD!!!! I jus watch finish the video tot my father tape for today happen on my hm!!! My big bro reach hm at 12plus lor!! Did he reali go back camp?? N the most thin happen tat i reali wil kill ppls wh do tat to my bed wan lor!!! Tat guy dig his nose dan rip it on my bed lor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!! I reali hate ppls who wil do tat to my bed lor!!! Can dey think not?? If one day got ppl do tat to dey bed how wil dey feel?? Wil dey stil dare to slp on the bed???? I am not goin to forget it wan lor!!!!! Haiz.. Think i end here first, i batter go change my bed dan go slp liao!!! I WAN KILL PPLS LIAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heart break..

2005-08-31T23:55:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Jus come back from lookin for boy boy.. But stil cant find him, n the best thin is wat i saw..!! I reali dono y got ppls so bad in tis world??? Yesterday i print alots of papers of boy boy photo to look for boy boy.. Today i go look for boy boy time, i saw alot of papers in the floor!! When i tk a look i saw it was boy boy photo!!!! I reali feel so heart break lor... Haiz.. Y cant dey tk demself in other ppls shoe?? Can dey understand ppls feelin not?? I have nv go do tis type of thin to other ppls b4 lor.. But y do i have to try tis type of feelin??? Until nw i stil cant find my boy boy the feelin is so bad liao lor.. Yesterday someone saw boy boy at 495 area, i try go dere to look for him, but i cant find him.. Dey saw him time he was alone, runin arou.. I reali so worry for him nw!! 4days nv eat liao n dono he got drink water not?? Haiz.. My frien ask mi batte faster find boy boy, if not SPCA find him dan its the end of his life liao..!! But is not i don wan to find him, is i cant find him!!!! Haiz.. I oso reali wish n pray very hard tat he can faster come back n eat first!! I reali cant stop worry for him!!! Haiz.. N today morni time is reali so tired man... Morni got dragon dance wif so many ways.. Today wan is have to lyin on the floor, nw everyones body is so pain n some even got blood.. Haiz.. Tml stil got again, coz have to learn for tis dec to play for CDO ann.. My god.. So many ppls wil goin to c us!!! But stil not the most bad thin, the most bad thin is tat stupid phun!!! Reali hate her so much lor!! If she reali wan to say somethin bout light duty, dan jus go talk to her "ma ma" lah.. Y do she have to ask the doctor to sent email to kwek?? Nw make until everyones so anger al tat!! Dan everyone oso have to go back late.. Reali do understand her lor.. If she reali don wan stay here anymore dan jus faster got lost pls!!! Don stay here to make everyones anger lor!! Haiz.. Nw i oso cant be reali care oso lah... Haiz.. The only thin i reali care is my poor ah boy... Dono nw wher is him at?? Did him get cold not?? Hunger not?? Got get bully by ppls not?? Haiz... Dere is so much thin to worry lor.. My mind cant stop thinkin of my ah boy cryin!! Haiz.. Boy Boy ar!!!!!!! Jin reali miz u soOO much u know not??? Haiz....

I lost my dog!!!

2005-08-28T22:38:00.000+08:00

Today i reali so regert for brin my dog out!!! If i know i am not goin to bring him out!! at aftnoon time when i wan to go buy food to eat, ah boy keep callin.. So i brin he out to walk walk oso.. Dan i lock him at a place dan i go buy my food, jus less dan 5min i go back he lost liao.. I look arou for 1hr plus, but i stil cant find him.. I reali feel so bad n worry for him nw.... Dono wher is him n how is him??? He got skin pro n when out time he stil don wan drink water.. Not even eat oso lor.. Dono wher is him nw?? I reali feel s bad nw... I may not be very gd to him, but i do lyk him oso lor... Boy... can u jus run back nw??? Haiz... So scary got ppl tk him back n don let him run back.. Wat if someone bad tk him?? Haiz.. I keep open my door to hope can c him run back hm nw!!! He don look nice, but i can say his a dog tat hard to c in anywher wan lor... Alots ppls lyk my dog too... 1yrs plus liao lor.. He be wif mi for a yr plus liao lor.. Say i don sad is oso hard lor... But i reali dono go wher to look for him liao!!! I try go al the place i did brin him go b4, but stil cant find him!!! Wher can he be?? Some ppls say it should be tk by ppls liao, but who was it??? Can dey jus return mi back my ah boy?? I reali miz him nw.. Everytime when i open my door him wil shout, nw don care i open my door how many time he oso cant shout liao.. Feel so bad... Y do i wan to bring him out today??? He very scare ppls oso, he scare of everythin lor.. Nw i cant stop thinkin tat he wil cry.. He the only tat so near to mi, a dog tat i can talk to when i sad.. But nw lah.. He is gone... I reali miz him....... Wher is him nw??? Boy.. jie is waitin u to come back.... Can he tk care of himeself?? Since yung he get lock up n pass to alot ppl to feed him.. But al oso the same to lock him up, even mi oso.. I know i am very bad, but i stil wil play wif him n tk care of him... Haiz.... reali feel so down nw.. BOY.... CAME BACK NW CAN???? Jie reali miz u!!!

Reali miz u so much!!

2005-08-28T03:00:00.000+08:00

ever since tat day i know u be online b4 until nw, my mind keep thinkin of u n hopin tat u wil be online again!! Reali miz u so much, how i reali wish tat u wil be online one day n i can chat wif u n u wil tel mi say tat u be miz mi al tis while!!! But i know it wun be happen as i don reali stand in ur heart at al.. Did i told u tat i am stil waitin here for u?? I dono y i jus cant let go lyk wat i wil do aft my ex break up wif mi... U r not even my gf b4, y cant i jus let go?? I tot it should be more easy for mi to let go of u!! But al was wron!!! I CANT!!! Y?? Can someone jus tel mi y?? Haiz... Everydays sit at the stupid com jus hope to c u online n can have the chance to chat wif u.. I know i am very bad to keep wish tat u wil one day break up wif ur gf n be my gf.. I try to go know other ppls arou but it jus cant be work.. Everydays stay at hm n sit at com dere.. Aft work come back bath liao oso n my com n sit down to wait.. Reali look lyk a fool!!! Dono y i feel so alone nwaday.. I wun think of goin out or mit any of my frien.. If ppls dono may think tat i don have any frien, but the truth is i oso dono y i don feel lyk out anymore.. Jus wan to be alone at hm n don talk to anyone.. Sitin at the com here, reali make mi think of u so much n i did miz agnes too.. But u r more in my mind dan agnes!!! I reali dono y lor.. I tot agnes wil be the one tat i wil not goin to forget n wil be miz the most, coz she is my ex n is oso the one tat i luv the most!!!But everythin seen to be change nw!! I start to miz u more dan i miz agnes!! Y??? U r not my gf or even my ex... Say a not nice word we r js a ONS b4 only lor.. But do i reali tk it as a ONS?? NO!! I have nv tk it b4 lor.. I may say to my frien tat it was jus a ONS so is nothin to mi, but deep in my heart i think i reali fal for u lor.. But wat's the point nw i say i have fal for u?? U have belong to other ppl gf liao.. Everythin is jus too late for mi to say or do nw!! Jus nw i saw a show.. The story was so sad.. The show is bout a gal n a man tat dey don believ in luv at first sign.. But whan dey saw each other first time dey reali fal for each other, dan the guy try very hard to get near tis gal n the gal try to be close to tis guy too.. Dey become stead aft tat, until one day the guy have to go for his army.. The gal promiz tat she wil go n sent the guy,she did told the guy to wait for her coz she may be late.. The guy reali wait for the gal at the train.. Jus nice the guy wait until cant wait n wan to go into the train time the gal reach outside of the train.. When the gal wan to pass the road time a car bang her down n she die.. But the guy dono at al.. Aft he wen for his army he get marry n be a teacher at a sch.. He got into a class tat is al boys only. Until one day he find a boy have everythin tat same wif tat gal.. The way she talk the way she hold a thin al look lyk the gal.. At first the guy tot he was a gay, so he wen to c a doctor.. But the test tat he tk was ok.. Dan the sch boy one day he was out wif his gf, he saw a zippor tat is last time belong to the gal wan.. Dan he start to think back to the last time when he was a gal n was stead wif tat guy.. Dan he know he was the gal in his last life.. Dan the both ppls wen to other place n jump into a river as the gal did say b4, one of the day she wan to go n jump.. So b4 dey jump, the guy say tat the next life he stil wan to be a guy, n the gal say he stil wan to be a gal n wish both wil be 2gether again.. Dan dey jump... N the guy say a word too.. " wat i did for everythin is not coz i luv u, but wat i did was i reali luv u".. Maybe i type at here is abit the hard to understand, but aft al.. tis story is bout LUV.. Luv can reali kill ppls n oso can be very happy.. So maybe for mi, my luv is reali killin mi so much!! How i wish someone wil come into my life again.. Wher is my real luv?? I am waitin for u for so long!!! JH.. maybe u r not my real luv, but i do reali miz u alots everydays... Hope tat ur gf nw wil be ur real luv to tk care of u n luv u lots.. Tk care.. Haiz.. Think stop here liao, nw is 3.40am liao n i am stil thinkin of u..

Bad luck day man...

2005-08-24T21:40:00.000+08:00

Reali a bad luck day today for mi man.. Haiz... Mornie time over slp.. got to tk cab to camp, but luckly nv late.. Dan aftnoon time perpair for my chutes for tml jump time cant finish in time.. Haiz... Get fuck by tat kwek... Sain... Ask we al t stay back to do finish dan tml morni have to go for the sch run!! Pls lor... Can think of us not??? Coz of the stupid air com n so "clean" place make until my nose cant stop... Nw my nose is so pain lor... How to run tml??? N last min have to stay back to do finish the work wil not be reali rite wan lor!!! If anythin go wron, we have to get fuck by her again!! Reali cant tk it lor... Who do she reali think she is??? Tml she wun be arou dan ask we al to stay back dan the first wan to go back is oso her lor!!!! I reali wish tat police dere can let mi in man... If reali i can get into police dere, the very first thin i wil do is go back camp dere dan say I AM NOT GOIN TO WORK AT TIS FUCKIN PLACE!!! N i wil sure goin to fuck tat kwek n al the ppls tat i don lyk man!!! Tis place can be not bad workin at, but is al coz of the fuckin ppls dere... Haiz.... Dono lah... Next month have a duty again..... The most bad thin is i am goin to do duty wif a fuckin ppl tat i hate the most oso lor!!!! Work wif her wil only end up quarry only n get scold lor... Have to c her fuckin face too lor... Wat the fuck lor... I don care lor.. I am goin to tk leave for tat day lor... I don wan to work wif her lor.... Who she think she is oso????!!! Only know how to make the old wan happy... Think by make dem happy dan everyones have to c her face oso.. Pls lor.. End up oso get one extry... Al be gd... Hehe... Haiz... My stupid nose is reali makin mi mad soon.... Augh~~~~~~ Can someone pls jus help mi cut away my nose??? Tml stil got duty.... I don care.. I am not goin for the run.. As my nose is reali cant make it liao!!! Haiz... Jus nw at buz stop waitin for buz to back hm, out of no wher i think of agnes.. Make mi think of last time tat she write somethin for mi.. It say tat ask mi to hack care bout the ppls dere.. Dey lyk to make ppl life hard, so jus don care bout dem!! When i think of wat she told mi, i feel so much batte.. I dono y oso?? She reali r the only one tat can make mi feel so gd n batte wat ever she do or told mi!!!! Reali miz her too.. Ever sice we break up until nw got 2yrs plus nv mit liao.. Dono how is she?? Haiz.. Hope she is doin gd.. Life for her wun be the same as mi.. Haiz... Alots ppls ask mi, am i att not?? I can only ask back no.. The feelin feel so bad.. I wish i can be att too, but it jus wun be happen everytime.. y??? Haiz.. Ppls aroun mi is att or got gal go aft dem.. But y am i alone?? Haiz.. Maybe tis is reali my life man.. Haiz.. Wat a sad case man... JH... wat can i do to reali let u know i reali miz u??? Haiz... So miz u lor...

Sain...

2005-08-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

So sain nw man... Haiz.. Today wen to c doctor for my body.. Haiz.. Think bout 1month plus i have my whold body holes liao man... Cant tk it ar..!!! C the doctor n the stupid doctor ask mi to tk out my shirt n pent... My god..... She saw my body la!!!!!! Hehe.. Dan aft c liao jus say it seen lyk somethin bite wan.. Pls lor.. i told her tat too lor.. Jus lyk nv c doctor b4 lyk tat!! End up.. I got 4type of cream lor.... One of it for bath ues wan.. Aft bath wif tat cream my whold body feel so oil man... My god!!!! But wat can i do?? If i reali wan my body to get wel soon!! Haiz.. Aft tat i wen BK n talk wif my bro-eric-.. Dno y i tel him tat i reali no xin xin.. When i talkin to ppl, i don look at ppl face.. Do watever oso don dare.. I reali wander wat have happen to mi again?? As he ask mi back.. Wher is the last time carol/coy?? Tot last ime the mi got alotz of dare?? Dare to do anythin jus lyk my father?? Dan wat happen to mi nw?? Say the truth lor.. I oso dono wher is the last time mi gone too?? I oso wish to get back myself again!!! I don lyk the way i am nw lor!!!! Haiz... N i oso wander.. do i have the chance to go police?? I reali feel lyk change to police liao.. In tis type of so cal"ARMY" is not the type i wan to work as lor!! Everydays jus pack chutes n do al the useless thin... I don wan lor!! I wish to work at a place tat can make mi think is reali gd lor!! Lyk police.. I wish to be a reali gd police lor!! I wan to help al the ppls who get hurt n need help!! I wun say i am reali very gd, but i know the feelin tat when u reali need help time no ppls be dere for u lor!! The feelin is not gd at al lor!!!! I wil nv forget tat time in hougang!!! I told the fuckin police tat someones is goin to beat us up, but dey don believ in us!! Dey walk away jus less dan 10mins we al get beat up!!! When the police get back we r lyin on the floor lor!!! N i did give dem al the info bout the ppls tat beat us up wan lor!! But the stupid police did nothin to dem lor!! Mi n my bro-eric- sent to hosp lor!! In the midder of the nite the police keep come n ask wat happen lah.. Y we get beat lah?? We know who dey r not lah?? Al the stupid thin which is jus tk for fun lyk tat lor!!! I cant get my rest n in the stupid pain lor!!! Until nw.. It happen bout 4yrs plus liao lor!! N is stil nothin lor!! I wil nv forget tis in my life!!! So i reali wish i can get in to police n reali go help ppls tat reali get hurt by ppls n who ever need help!!! I don wish to be those useless police man!!! I maybe useless in somewher, but i wil try my very best in watever reali need mi to be usefull wan lor!!! I WAN TO BE A POLICE WOMAN!!!!! Haiz.. But i oso know the chance for mi is reali reali very small... Haiz... Dono lah... Jus wish my TP can faster pass... N i wan to go study ITE again!! Tis time i wun study half way again!!! I reali don wish to get look down by ppls!!! I wan to change myself to be a batter ppl!!! Tat everyones wil think of mi n think tat i am not useless anymore!!! I wan to look back the last time Carol/coy!! I am not goin to hide again!!! Jus give mi some time to look back!!! I CAN DO IT!!!! JH.. today i reali feel so down n hate myself y i go out for dinner last nite?? Haiz.. I told my frien how sad i am, she jus ask mi to give up!!! Coz u r att liao!!! N u seen to run away from mi too!! Haiz.. I know it oso lor.. But i reali jus cant stop myself to stop thinkin of u!!! Can u tel mi wat to do??? Haiz.. Miz u so much!!!

I HATE MYSELF!!!

2005-08-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

Reali so hate myself nw man!!!! Haiz.... Y do i go out jus nw??? If i nv out maybe i stil got the chance to chat wif JH!!! Which is lyk she dono how long have nv sign in msn liao lor!!! N of coz i nv got the chance to chat wif her lor!!!! MY GOD!!!!! Nw i reali feel so down lor... No mood at al liao.. Haiz... But one thin i wander oso lor..??! I type 'Can u c how much i miz u?sob sob' in my msn.. Dan jus nw she change her msn to 'shhh.. keep it a secret'.. Is she say to mi??? Or maybe she is typin for other ppls?? Haiz.. I jus ask eric izit she type for mi?? He jus say maybe yes maybe no.. -which lyk no ans oso lor- B4 wen out time i stil talk wif eric(my bro) bout JH thin only lor!! Dan jus out for dinner only dan i know she did sign in msn lor!!!! Reali so hate myself!!!!! YYYYYYY??????? Y i wan out for dinner??? Haiz.. But say the truth lah.. Even i nv out, n she sign in i oso don think i wil dare to go chat wif her lor!! N she oso nv msg mi lor.. Izit coz i put it as buzy, dan she don msg mi?? Haiz.. Do she stil know i stil miz n luv her??? Haiz... Do she know al my msn word r type for her wan??? She reali fall for her gf??? She reali wun think of mi liao?? N she reali forget mi liao?? I tot she did she she got a feelin for mi too?? Y izit tis feelin jus gone so fast n so easy??? Think i reali jus nothin to her ba.. Tat's y she can forget mi so fast so easy... Haiz.. Reali feel lyk go c her, but jus don dare... Feel lyk mitin her, but don dare too.. Feel lyk telin her i reali miz n luv her, but i DON DARE AGAIN!!!! Everythin i feel lyk doin n say, jus coz of I DON DARE!!! Haiz.. Al coz of I DON DARE dan i miz it!! When dan i wil start to learn to be very dare??? I reali don wish to miz out so much thin again!!! Tis is my first time to be unatt for so long lor!!! Think bout 1 goin to 2yrs plus liao lor!!!! Tis feelin is not gd at al!! Feel so lonly lor!!!! Al i wan is jus to have a gf tat can be myside n luv each other only.. Oso so hard???? JH... Do u reali know not?? Type so much of blog is oso wish tat one day u can read it, to know how i reali feel for u since u get att until nw!!! I have nv stop miz u n think of u everydays!!! Lyin on my bed make mi think of tat time u overnite at my place.. Heard the name of east cost make mi think of tat time we wen dere eat breakfast at mad.. Heard the name of woodlands make mi think of u too.. Heard to HVM make mi think of u coz u r workin dere.. Tat is soOoO much thin dat can make mi to think of u!! I am jus seen to try to run away from it.. But jud don care how much i try is oso no use!! I can nv run away from it!!! Nw i am jus waitin for my TP only.. If my TP pass, i can buy my bike liao!! U know wat make mi keep think of faster pass?? Is al u!! Coz i wish to faster pass dan i may..be have a chance to ride u one day!!! As i did promiz u b4!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Type so much u wil oso nv get the change to read it!! U wil nv know wat i am thinkin n how i feel!! Haiz... JH.... I reali wish u wil know tat i reali reali miz u alotz!!!! Haiz...

Wat should i do??

2005-08-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Reali dono wat to do nw?? Haiz... Hw should i say leh?? Few days ago my frien agnes come n ask mi ever think of join police not?? At first i asn her back 'no, coz i hate police alot', dan she keep ask mi think of it.. Coz she know tat i workin in army don seen to be happy n don care how much i try it wun be use full anymore!! Say the truth i oso don reali lyk to work in Rigger.. I did lyk workin in tat place alot!! I lyk to go for jump n try diff of parachutes, n go oversea.. But i wil start to don lyk it is al oso coz of the ppls dere!!! We r not tkin the pay from dem, but we have to c the mood of dem everydays to work lyk Fu**... N can i tk my state2 is oso up to dem to say.. Y lor?? Dey don even think of us n care for us!!! Somemore i dono how to make dem happy, the more i wun get it lor!!! Nw how i wish i can talk to someone n ask for a ans..!!! I feel lyk stayin in tis place as i nw workin at, but i oso think of tryin other place!! At first when i sign on time i tot is jus lyk the same wif the guy's type.. Have to stay in everydays alot of trainin so tat i can train myself!! But is reali diff from wat i think!! I don get any trainin n everythin is jus seen to be the same everydays!! Al we do is jus pack chutes n get scold by nothin everydays!!! Wat type of army is tis?? Is al not the same as wat COA always say to ppls in the tv or wat lor!!! We r oso nothin in army lor.. Even a NS man oso don reali care bout us lor.!! We always get look down on other ppls!!! When we wen for course, we r tryin not to tel ppl when we from!! even a ssg from rigger wil oso told us try not to tel ppl we from wher!! Coz alot of ppls in army don reali lyk us!! But wat did we do?? I dono at al oso lor!!! From we i know n i saw in tis 3yrs, i only know when ever tat's a BAC course start n if got any gals office sir come dey wil change to lyk dey r very gd very carin for ppls type dan once the office sir back dey wil change back to last time liao!! For maybe some guy office sir dey wil be very bad oso.. Tat's y alot ppls don lyk us!!! Haiz.. i oso dono lah!!! Nw jus which shuld i choose?? Army?? Police??? -if i reali got the chance to get in- Dono lah.. Go one step c one step ba... Haiz...

Ha ha ha.. TP..

2005-08-13T22:03:00.000+08:00

Haha.. so happy tat i have pass my pact8 liao.. Nw waitin for my TP test liao.. Hmm.. But abit the worry lor.. Dono can pass first time not?? Haiz.. JUs wish i can do it man... Faster pass dan i can get my bike liao.. Dan... I wil go out n play my bike liao, don have to stay hm everydays so sain.. Haha.. But... Sometime stay hm oso not tat bad lor.. Don have to use money n can rest oso.. Wah.. Last friday is reali a very very tired day for mi man..!! Half die man.. Haha.. Tues i stay in camp coz of jump in morni.. I have to wake up at 4am in the mid nite dan report at 4.30am, tk chutes al tat until arou 6plus dan we move off to SBAB.. Reach dere arou 7plus liao, dan walk here walk dere to learn somethin.. By the time of 8out abit we al fit up the parachut, dan let dem check al tat.. Dan aft check jump master cal us to sit down to walk for the plane... Sit until half way everyones fal aslp.. Haha.. Coz we wait bout 30min i think.. Dan jump master say we can tk out the chute first coz the plane somethin wron.. -So stupid lor.. everytime the same wan- Yap.. dan everyones tk out very fast!! Coz is reali so tight until wan die liao lor.. Dan wait bout 45min dan we start to fit up again!! Aft tat we wen up to the plane, jus sit down not even awhile dan jump master ask mi n other 3ppl go down n get back to the RV area.. So stupid lor... We run back to RV, jus reach only dan dey ask we al go back again!!! Pig rite!!! Dan we tk off to 1000ft liao.. While waitin for my turn to jump, my heart reali scare until how i wish i can tel dem to use kick mi out lor..!! haha.. But i nv lah.. -anyway we r not usin the same plane as wat we use to use wan- So tat was my first time to jump CH47 plane.. Dan i saw ppl how dey jump out al tat!! Reali make mi more scare man!! But i stil tel myself to jump, coz ppl can make it y cant i??!! So wen come to my turn-as i always be the last jumper coz i the only small size- i stand at the door liao, n stupid mi stil go n look down!! But i reali jump out myself!! The next min was so fun liao... Coz on top of it is reali so fun, u can c alot of thin tat look so small lor.. Haha.. Dan reach the groun liao is even more gd!! Coz the wind at dere is reali so gd until dat is not pain at al!! Haha.. Dan i start to keep the chute to the kit bag dan start to walk bake to RV area.. Wat make mi reali cant think of it is tat.. Auyong ask mi am i ok not?? OH MY GOD!!!! Tat was the first time man!! I tot she don lyk mi wan lor!!! -coz we did quarry b4 in work- Hmm.. of coz i say i am ok lah!! Haha.. Dan we walk back 2gether wif pramila.. Dan is reali very tired lor.. but stil have to carry n walk back.. We walk until half way auyong turn back to mi n ask mi again am i ok not!! -as i walk the last- Dan i cant talk liao so i jus use hand to show i am ok!! haha.. Dan when we get back we wen go for a smoke.. Half way i heard ppl say jump cancer!! I ask ppl wat happen, dan i know someone jump out of the dron zone!! My god.. haha.. Dan aft everythin, we wen back to my camp.. Aft go back we wen for lunch, dan bath n rest awhile.. Coz we stil have to report at 2pm for tat chinese dance!! Wah.. reali so tired lor... Tat chinese long dance is killin mi man!!! Dan aft tat is my end work time!! Haha.. dan i get hm n bath n watch tv until 2am plus dan slp!! Nw.. i jus lyk a half dei ppl man.. HAiz... Feel lyk goin out but n ppl to ask... Oso abit feel lyk goin for some drink.. Haiz.. Sain!!! Nw no ppl at hm!! -is always the same wan lor- Dono wan to do wat oso!! Sain AR!!!!!! Hehe..haiz.. K lah.. think end here ba.. Last.. JH.. i miz u man.. TAt day walk pass ur workin place, but don reali walk too close.. But i did saw u, n i oso nv cal u!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. I can only miz u everydays i think... HAiz...

Wat a bad luck day..

2005-08-03T22:39:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. So sad n bad luck tis two day man!!!! Yst go for my bike n i fail.. The first bike i tk somethin wron dan i go back n change to other bike, BUT.... who know i got another bike which is somethin wron wan oso!!! My god!!! Dan on the road time i keep on get stop by the stupid red light man!! Dan end up al the ppl have to stop at a side n jus wait for mi to join dem, dan dey can move off... Wah liao... cant tk it lor... Y so bad luck??? Haiz.. Dan today i jus wen for my workin frien mother pass away.. Haiz.. Feel so sad to c her nw lor.. N it make mi think of alot of ppl tat have pass away too.. My bedok gandfather, bedok aunt -father side N tamp gandma n indo gandma-mother side.. Cant believ jus in a few yrs time i have lost so much ppl liao.. I may not be very close to dem, but dey wil stil stay in heart lor.. We r not tat close, but i stil can rem when young time some stil very gd to mi lor!! Aft al tis i have lost n saw, make mi think tat life is reali funny.. U wil nv know when u r gin to die, can happen in 1min time or maybe tml lor.. U cant guess it wan lor.. so nw i stil live in tis world wat i wan to d i must do it, n play n try watever i wan!! I don wish wait until i die dan i think back wat i nv try b4, n y i nv try?? Don make urself regert lor!!! But.. Say so much i stil have somethin which i wil nv dare to do or ask wan lor!! If only i reali dare i wil go ask JH do i stil have a chance? N if i reali dare i wan myself to be rich dan brin my family ppls n the gal tat i lyk go oversea to play!! But.. I don have tis dare!!! Ya.. last friday i wen for the static line jump.. I cant believe wat happen lor!! Haha.. Tat day i reali so scare of jumpin lor. But i stil go, coz i must make a jump by aug!! Dan wen i reach dere, everythin was ok.. Dan when we get up C-130 i was reali scare until lyk hell lor.. Deep in my heart i was prayin tat somethin go wron wif it.. Dan who know, its start move on liao.. K.. nvm.. Dan the next min i know is the fligh nv fly up.. We have to change to other fligh! Coz somethin reali go wron wif it!! Haha.. dan when we got to other fligh i start to pray again for somethin happen.. Haha.. who know reali happen again!!! End up i nv get to jump!! Hehe.. Alot of ppls got very angry wif the air force ppl coz of dey nv check dan stil dare to come n fatch us(jumper).. Dan last min dan say somethin wron lah or watever.. Think i am the only one tat feel happy in my heart!! Haha.. Of coz i cant show out tat i am happy to dem lah!! If not the next min i wil be in hosp liao lor!! hahaha... Haiz.. ^month plus i nv go for jump liao, nw ask mi jump i oso cant make it liao lor!! Reali feel so scare lor!!! So useless man... Haiz... But if reali wan go for jump, think i wil choose for tender jump lor!! Jump tat maybe more high, but i stil know tats someone jus behine mi lor.. As static line jump is 1000ft n tender jump is 10000ft which is 9000ft more lor!!! Wah... Hehe.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. No mood at al.. Haiz.. Reali so miz u JH!!! But nothi i can do... Haiz.. Think jus end here liao.. JH...... I MIZ U SOOOO MUCH AR!!!!! Haiz..

So happy!!

2005-07-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

Haha.. reali feel so happy coz my bike is jus seen to gettin close to mi whenever i go for my bike lesson... Haha.. Nw i have reach pact8 liao which is the last pact liao lor!! Hehe.. Aft tis dan TP dan i wil get my bike liao!!!! hahaha..... I must not wast my time liao.. So must hurry liao!!! Hehe... My lao po.... I am comin near to u liao... hehe..-mad- reali so happy man... Hmm.. But i wil buy a secn hand bike first ba.. Aftall i wil be jus pass out only.. IF Ifreali anythin happen oso wun so heart pain lor.. Hmm... Who wil be the first to sit my bike leh??? Of coz is mi lah!!! Haha.. But if reali got the chance, i wil ask JH lor.. Coz i did promiz her when i pass the first person i wil ride is her!! But.... Do she stil rem bout it?? Dose she stil have the time for mi?? Wil she stil lyk bike dan car??? Haiz.. Last nite chat wif a butch on msn.. She say i only have 2way to go.. First is to go aft JH if i reali luv her, secon is.. Forget JH n go on wif my life... Haiz.. Aftall i stil go on wif my life nw.. Jus tat my heart n mind keep thinkin of her everydays.. Jus nw in the bus, don y i saw a gal n make mi think of JH again.. So sad whenever i think of JH!! How i reali wish i reali have the dare to go aft her again n get her!! But i oso know i may not have the chance oso!! I don think she wil lyk mi liao lor.. Her heart is al her gf liao ba i think.. Haiz... Y am i listen to tis song again??-wo ai de ren- Which lyk jus nice for mi tis song lor.. The person tat i lyk is other ppl gf liao, n hurt mi so deep.. Haiz... I reali so down when i think of it.. I can nv forget wat stupid msg i sent!!! Haiz.. Nw i have to act as i don mind bout her n i don miz her al tat!! San ask mi alot of luv thin, which i have to bluff to her.. Coz i don wish to get say by frien again!! I don wan frien keep say i so luv in one gal.. Coz al know tat i always get hurt, tat's y dey keep teach mi how to let go when it time up n nv reali fal for someone too much n real again.. Jus have fun n play can liao.. N nw tis is wat i have to show dem dat i am nw, which inside of mi is stil the same!! But oso cant reali say stil the same.. I did change abit oso!! I reali change to not fal for someone too deep, but stil luv dem lah!! N i oso don reali care bout r/s thin so much!! I am jus lyk only think of work n slp liao.. But of coz smetime i wil stil wish for a gf if i can!! Haiz.. Y cant i jus be wat i reali r?? Y do i have to act for everyones?? I dn think anyone reali know who i am n wat type of ppl i reali r oso!! I almost goin to lost in myself too!! Everydays i have to act, diff ppl diff ways n show dem.. Tat's my stupid life is since young lor.. Y cant i jus be the way i am?? I wish to be myself lor.. But i jus cant, coz i oso don wish to let ppl know mi too wel!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. NW the only thin can make mi happy is my belover bike... Hehe.. I am comin liao..!!! Wait for mi jus abit more... Hehehe... hahaha.. reali mad when i think of my bike.. My bike wil by my da lao po!!! haha.. JH.. i reali wish u wil tk my bike one time!! I miz n luv u!!! haiz..

Sad n painfull day..

2005-07-17T22:12:00.000+08:00

Wat a reali painfull day i have last thue(140705).. I wen for the butch hunt n i was reali happy when i reach dere.. I reali so wish i can c JH over dere as i know she wil be dere oso!! But when i reali saw her tat time my heart was so pain, coz her gf was wif her over to my table.. (as her gf know my frien the frien) I reali feel so pain n sad lor.. I stil sit down awhile as she say hi to mi too... Aft awhile i reali cant tk it, so i walk away to go get my drink.. But the truth i don reali wan to drink oso lah jus wan walk away only.. But who know she n her gf come over to get drink too.. I jus faster push san to move to other side dan stay beside dem!! In a few time i keep saw her whenever i go, i jus try to run away.. Think she know too as i reali use run!! So stupid.. Haiz.. She say mi once when she walk pass mi.. She say u scare mi izit? saw mi dan run away.. Dan i jus say no to her DAN i run away oso.. Haha.. Haiz.. I tot she was angry mi, for wat the stupid thin i was doin at dere.. But she nv.. B4 she left she come over to mi n say bye to mi.. I reali feel more down at the time when she say the word she goin back liao..!! The whold nite my feelin was al the way down lor.. I saw her dance wif her gf n kiss al tat lor.. I nv wan to c it jus when i was lokin arou dan i saw it.!! The min i saw it my heart jus feel so pain lor!!! I reali feel lyk cryin out liao lor tat nite!!! But san was arou n i am stil outside, i keep tellin myself not to cry!! I reali have no mood on tat nite until today!! My mind is stil thinkin wat i saw tat day!! Haiz... So hurt n so sad!!!!! HAiz... Last nite i wen DS wif p.s.. I think i was too crazy or abit the high liao.. I buy a drink for a dance gal n i talk to rayner n even very close to her lor!!!!!! OH MY GOD.... Wat happen to mi nwaday??? Wat i do is jus lyk i nv go n think lor... But anyway i oso promiz p.s i wun show any face to rayner!! I buy a drink for tat gal is jus for fun lah i think.. But end up tat gal ask mi t drink half too!! Get play by her oso man.. Haiz.. Everyones keep laught at mi.. Buy drink for ppl end up got to drink too.. Dan i drink until finish soon dan she say, she nv ask mi to drink finish!! My god.. haha.. So shy ay dere lor.. Haiz.. Aft so long i have nv drink until so high lor.. N last nite was the first nite i drink until abit cant walk lor.. I tot new DS wun let mi think of JH, but i was wron!!! Its stil make mi think of her whenever i listen to some song!!! Don y a song can oso make mi think of her too??? Haiz.. p.s was the one beside mi n keep telin mi not to think so much!! Ya.. I was get scare by a gal cal joan too last nite!!! She keep ask mi go ver to p.s house to slp dono y oso?? Dan i jus say or ask mi over n slp wif the dog or go dere slp for wat?? Dan she say go slp wif her lor..!! My god.. She did say i only got 2way to choose.. One is p.s place or my place!! Pls lor.. my place?? I don think is so nice to stay at ppl place lor.. N leong is ont aron oso lor..!! I don wish later other ppls know dan dey anyhow say lor..!!! Last nite at DS i did say to rayner tat i don mind to have a ONS, but i was jus say for fun only lor!! My heart nw is too full until no more ppl can get into it liao lor!! N even if reali go for ONS i wun go for someone tat is older dan mi so old wan lor!!! Joan is 30plus lor... N i oso scare of ONS oso!! Jus coz of the one time i have try, i reali get scare liao!! I tot ONS wun have any feelin on it, but i was wron!! I put my feelin down for a ONS lor!! N wat i got back in the end?? Is stil a hurt n sad lor!! JH... Tat nite is my first time of tryin ONS lor!! N i reali put down my feelin on it lor!! N nw i only left wif a hurt n sad in my mind n heart!! Is reali so stupid tat i reali put doen on it lor!! Haiz.. I don dare to tel anyone my feelin, coz i know wat ppl wil goin to say bout mi..!! Haiz.. N I think i wun go n msg or cal u or even email to u anymore lor!! I think i reali have to give up lor!! Sorry.. JH i reali miz n luv u alot, but i know i wil nv goin to have u as my gf!! HAiz.. Think jus end here.. I reali wish u wil be happy wif ur life nw n stay cute!! Last.. I REALI LUV U n i nv tk tat nite as a ONS nite only!!

Mc day again...

2005-07-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

Another mc day for mi today... Haiz.. Reali don feel lyk go runnin dan jus nice back body pain dan report sick.. Sain.. Stay at hm the whole day cook n slp.. Very tired dono y.. Jus feel lyk i reali need to slp lor... Soon i wil goin to turn to a pig lor.. haha.. Haiz... Even reali turn to a pig oso lyk tat lah.. No ppl wil wan mi.. Reali don understand y everyones can get att, but jus not mi.. Am i reali tat bad??? Haiz.. Dno y ytd aftnoon somethin come into my mind, bout the life n wat i reali have learn aft i start work.. Nw i reali know tis world is reali how truth!! ever since i start work i reali have learn alot of thin dat i nv know when i stil in sch time.. Nw not nly learn how to c ppl n work of coz learn not to believ in ppl s easy!!! Haiz... tis reali cal life?? I oso dono?? But i jus know i am jus livin in my own world since young until nw.. I stil think livin in my own world is batte dan livin out wif everyones.. At less i know in my world tats no hurt n don have to worry so much thin!!! HAiz.. i oso don reali know wat am i typin nw oso lah.. Jus feel so lost in no wher nwaday.. everydays jus lyk so lost, n jus cant think of anythin to help it.. How i reali wish to have somene beside mi to help mi n talk to mi everydays.. Sometime i wil tel ppls alone can be fun n free, but i nv tel ppl tat alone is reali so lone n sad lor.. When u wish to talk to someone time dats no one beside u to pei u talk or even when u need someone dats not even one wil come to u is reali so sad lor.. If say bout family ppls, dan i jus can say my family ppl don even have a time to talk t mi lor.. Livin in a huse wif family ppl, but everyone jus seen to do our thin or until very late dan got the chance to c dem.. Even talk to dm the only thin dem wil say back is life is lyk tat.. Dey jus don seen to understand lor.. Maybe got one ppl i can talk to wif is my big bro(eric).. But sometime i jus think it hard for mi to talk out as i have get use not to talk to my family pp bout my thin.. Sometime wat he did oso make mi think tat he need to talk to ppl more dan i do.. I jus think tis family ppl have to go for some change b4 everyone reali can get along!!! Tis family of my is not close at al n don understand each other!! Ppl dose not know coz everyone jus act lyk we r very close.. As wat book say.. Nv c the book by the cover!!! Every family oso have a bad thin behine of it!! But i jus think my family is to much until tats jus seen to no stop for it.. How i wish i can out n stay alone!! But i jus cant do it.. Haiz... I stil care for my smaill br(edmund).. He the younger in the family nw n he jus seen to change.. But if wan say change i reali think is my wrong.. The way i talk to him al tat i know i am very bad to him..But i jus dono y n cant stop myself for it.. Haiz.. But i jus reali hope he can understand n be gd.. He can be a very gd boy, but jus c he wan it not.. But i reali hope he can study hard n be gd boy lor.. Haiz.. k lah jus stop here liao.. Last.. JH.. Reali hope can c u tis comin butch hunt.. I miz u!!!

Should i beilev??

2005-07-06T20:20:00.000+08:00

Hmm... seen very long i nv type my blog liao.. Haiz.. dono how to type oso?? Tis few days reali don feel so gd n don feel lyk typin anythin.. But i reali miz JH alotz!!! Dono how is she?? Last nite she sent mi back a heart at fridae.. Reali feel so happy lor.. N i did sent her a e-mail.. But i nv type much, coz dono wat to type oso?? Jus ask her how is she n wil she be goin for the butch hunt next week?? Haiz.. So useless man... Tat day went pray, the guy told mi say i very bad luck in luv n he can feel in tis yr i may have to go for a op, but jus dono is wat op?? Hmm... Say the truth i don mind to go for a op!! So i can rest wat.. haha... Or maybe the op fail dan i can jus go liao.. Don have to work so much n worrk or even scare to fall in luv again!!! But as for bad luck in luv, tis reali make mi feel so sad lor.. Coz al the while i jus hope i can jus find a gf to pei mi n luv mi to be 2gether only but it jus seen to be sooooo hard lor....!!! Y???? Haiz... Today oso dono wat happy to mi oso?? Out of no wher feel so down n sad for nothin lor.. N jus nw read the letter tat eric(bro) sent out to mi, i almost cry out... Dono y oso?? But inside the letter dat he write reali can feel his care lor.. How i reali hope he can reali change to know how to think liao.. Don come out tat time turn back to same.. It jus make mi reali feel more down n don beilev in him..!!! reali feel so tired lor... aft buzy for work dan stil buzy for tat san... Haiz.. Tat yili reali make mi feel lyk beat her lor.. Say break oso her, dan turn back to keep say san wron al tat.. Dan since u choose other ppl liao dan let go san lor.. For wat keep cal san dan scold her for nothin.. Coz of tis 38 we al frien don have time to rest n slp!!! (feng,wl,mo n mi) N we al so angry jus coz of dem... Sometime i reali dono wat a gal reali wan lor??? Wen dey wan to break up dey can say out 101reson lor.. N keep say is the butch wron al tat, but the face is dey oso have did somethin wron lor.. Y must it always the butch wron even is not our wron???? Haiz.. I oso dono should i say i am luckly??? Coz i am not att nw.. Hehe.. But of coz i oso reali wish i be att!!! But i have no rite to say i wan att not.. Coz say look i oso don reali have the look, as for time i oso dn reali have time, coz my work time is always the same 8 to 5pm.. Sometime stil got duty dan even more late!! Last.. money.. I even more don have lor.. My pay can nly jus nice for mi to use until month end, sometime maybe comin to month end i oso no money liao..!! Haiz... I cant go on wif no money life lor..!!!! From nw i MUST start to save money for my bike mu new house n for mi to use wen i go out!!!!! I MUST DO IT!!!! Haiz... Today my work ppl saw the photo of JH in my hp, al tot she my gf but too bad she is other ppl gf liao... Sad to tel dem she is att!!! Haiz... Dono lah.. as i say b4, if i reali luv her i don reali must have her as my gf, as long as i know she is happy in her way nw wif her gf dan i be happy to liao!! Yap yap... Hmm.. i oso abit the kpo nw.. Hehe.. jus nw saw shander msn say she miz someone, who wil tat someone be?? Of coz it wil nv be mi as i know.. Izit rayner??? Haiz.. don care n don know oso lah.. Al the gal seen to be the same wan.. Say one word dan do other ways!! Woman r so scare~~~ Hehe.. (i oso a woman but i am a butch) hehe.. so sain.. alone at hm nw.. Feel gd to be alone oso lah.. But very hot lor... How i wish i can jump into a cold water nw man.... K lah think jus type until here.. Other time dan type liao.. Last.. JH i miz u alot!! So how one day u wil read al my blog.. Haiz..

Reali miz her so much each days..

2005-06-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

Day by dat pass not too fast not too slow, but my heart n my mind jus seen lyk deyin soon.. Haiz.. Tot i have start to forget her abit liao, but who know i was wron... I nv forget her or stop thinkin of her!! Jus view her fridae n friendster photo, feel so sad lor.. Haiz.. Dono wat happen to her oso?? She seen lyk so buzy until nv even go online for so long.. Her last online was 7of jun until nw.. Tat's was reali so long lor.. Haiz.. Dono how is she oso?? Be so long since the last saw her until nw nv got the chance to c her liao.. Maybe she buzy wif other b liao.. Hehe.. Think only.. Erm.. feel so bad anyhow say her.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. Reali feel so sad n wander how is she? Feel lyk goin her workplace to c hw is she?? But don dare n no time oso.. Tis few week be buzy for work dan out wif san dey al until lyk no day no nite.. Last nite(210605) stay in camp coz got to wake up very early so syau in camp.. When i was cleanin my cupboard out of no wher my mind was thinkin of get some photo to hung at my cupboard, so tat each time when i open my cupboard i can saw her.. But think back i don even have her photo lor.. how?? So stupid lor.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. Jus feel i reali change myself to a side tat very bad to my family ppl.. I become very hot temper to my family ppl, in work or frien sometime i can be bad oso.. I did say i wan change myself back myself, but not tis type of mi lor.. I don wan tis type of mi.. But it jus seen very very haed to change myself again lor.. So wish i can have someone to talk to lor.. But i jus think i can only keep it to myself n be alone.. Haiz.. Tis is reali not wat i wan!!!!! Pls... I jus wan to have someone tat i can luv n she wil luv mi oso.. Y izit seen to be so hard to come truth??? Nw i don even feel lyk go look for any gf, coz my heart n mind only have JH.. Haiz... Jus wat should i do to get away tis hurt??? I can say ppls ask dem to forget the ppl dey luv n get a batte n new gf, but i jus cant get myself to do it..!!! Y?????? Haiz...

Haiz..

2005-06-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

Wat should i say nw leh?? Haiz.. Tat day went butch hunt jus to c her, but wat i get back was so sad n hurt!! I saw her hug her gf at dance flood wif so happy.. I should be very happy for her, coz she is livin wif a happy live, but in my heart is reali reali so sad hurt n pain!!! Haiz.. reali dono wat should i do?? Tat day stay at the pub i get to know a gal.. But i jus help san to ask only.. But at dere i got the chance to hug her al tat too.. The feelin i have when i was hug her is.. I jus think i was hugin JH!! The feelin was so gd, but the truth is she is hugin her gf.. Reali feel so sad, but i cant drink too much too... Coz the next day i stil got to work!!! But i stil stay until very very late, end up only got to slp for 2hr plus only!! Haiz.. So tired lor... But don care how tired i am it wil nv tk over the pain i have.. I reali tot of give up, but today she cal mi n talk for awhile.. I feel so happy until dono how to say lor.. Haha.. But so wat?? She have belong to other ppl gf liao.. I wil nv have a chance again.. Haiz... Dono y if i got the chance to c her again i jus wun dare to talk to her or go near her anymore, jus lyk friday.. I pass by her work place i keep look in but nv saw her i saw her frien, dan who know she jus next to her frien only dan her frien told her i at outside.. She turn aroun n look n i did saw her.. But i jus don dare to walk in n say a hi to her!!! I reali wan to talk to her n get near her, but i jus don dare!!!!! I reali dono wat the hell goin on to mi man????? Haiz..... Get say by her today.. Coz nv go say a hi to her.. But i oso scare tat she don lyk i lyk keep go her work place n c her al tat!!! Sometime i reali think of too much until i don dare for alot of thin, dan coz of don dare i miz out n lost so much thin tat i don wish to lost!!! Reali hate myself to the hell!!! But nw i reali have think out liao, i wan to change myself back to my last time!! I wan to be wat i am n i have al my dare back again so tat i wun lost anythin again n regert in my life again!! While lyk nw i got so much of thin tat i reali regert in my heart my mind n my life!! I don wish to have anymore liao... JH.. I reali miz u.. U reali sometime can hurt my heart so much!! Until nw i stil keep askin myself, do i reali jus coz of anger dan i wish to have u?? Say the truth until nw i stil keep thinkin y wil i lost to ur gf?? Jus coz she got car got time n got money dan mi??? I not say u go for al tis, but i reali lost to her in al tis.. But nw i am goin to try my best to get my bike n save more money!! I did promiz u b4, if i reali get my bike the first person to sit is u!! I wil keep tis promiz!!! Pls wait for mi... Think jus end here.. Hope can dream of u in my dreamland.. Stil luv u in my heart.. N wish god bluss u don get sick again!! Tk gd care!!!

Mc day again...

2005-06-07T20:27:00.000+08:00

Today i jus got a mc again.. Haiz.. No choose got to tk.. Coz i reali very tired n abit the sick liao.. Last nite saw feng quarry wif wl until so big, jus let mi think tat i am so luckly!! Coz i'm not att so i got no ppl to quarry.. Hehe.. But say the truth lor.. If reali can choose i wil stil choose to have someone to quarry lor.. Batten dan nw, lyk sometime feel wan quarry wif ppl oso don have n wan share somethin wif someone oso don have.. Is reali a very sad case lor.. Haiz.. For the past of one month i keep go play badminter wif pei pei dey al jus try to make myself not to think tat i'm alone n think of JH.. But.. Come to a time my mind wil jus think of her again.. Dono wat should i do?? Ah cai oso keep say JH name to mi whenever i do wat or pass by woodland.. Haiz.. Tat day san n yili break up time, talkin wif san my mind is jus full of JH.. But.. wat can i do?? Jus try to keep to myself dan say out.. Alot of thin i reali think is batte to keep in myself dan say out to anyone.. Batte dan say out to someone dan back maybe get scold or scare tat dey wil go tel other ppls.. But keep too much may not be a gd thin oso... Coz everythins can only keep it dan say out..Sometime how i reali jus wish tat someone wil jus walk into my life n share thin wif mi... But it jus wun happen.. Nw i can tel anyone tat single life if gd al tat, but deep in my heart leh.. Think of other ways.. Haiz.. Jus chat finish wif Jh which i think got dono how long nv got the chance to chat wif her lor.. But can know she don reali wan chat oso.. Alot of thin can jus feel n c how tat other person to u, but nothin u can do n jus maybe act as u dono.. Jus lyk in work place.. As wan sandy dey al say.. Is not i cant do, but jus i don dare to do it.. I don have the dare n believ in myself.. N i oso dono how to sweet talk to ppls.. Tat's y no ppls wan.. haha.. Haiz.. Lst time i use to be very dare n believ in myself in watever i do.. Know how to talk n play wif ppls.. But i jus dono wat have happen to mi, tat nw i have lost everythin??? No one can tel mi wat happen too.. Haiz.. I jus try hard nw to let myself wil change back to last time again.. Dono lah.. jus c wat wil goin to change of myself lor.. Haiz.. JH.. i reali miz u, can u jus don avio mi?? N let mi have a chance?? -sad-.....

Should i??

2005-05-30T00:28:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. yesterday(28/05/05) wen out wif JH, should be very very happy!! But dono y i jus have the feelin tat she is not happy at al lor.. N seen lyk i am jus bored her only lor.. In the buz, mrt n even shop time i reali wish i can talk to her, but i jus cant think of anythin out to talk wif her.. Even have oso jus a small talk lor.. Haiz.. I feel so sad lor.. Y cant we jus be the same as last time, tat can talk can play n c her laugh!!! But wat happen to nw?? Everythin seen to change liao lor.. Jus coz she is att liao?!?! But i jus know i have bored her, maybe she jus nv say out.. Say the truth lor.. Nw i oso dono wat should i do nw?? Aft tat day i have a thinkin of give up liao.. Coz i know even i don give up i oso wun have the chance anymore!! When the feelin is gone it wil nv be back again i know.. (but not for mi!!) Haiz.. Aft we go each way, i wen tattoo.. I tot of write a word-E- beside my tattoo.. But think back is batte don.. Coz not much of ppl lyk someone to tattoo the name on dem.. Feel lyk give up, but i jus dono.. Reali so wish tat she wil have the chance one day to ready my blog, to let her know how i reali feel lor.. It jus be so hurt everydays lor.. But i jus cant say out to anyone or her.. Haiz... Jus nw wen expo wif feng, i saw JH gf workin.. I wen buy somethin from her, but think she saw mi she walk away.. Lyk scare i wil play her or wat.. Lookin at her reali make mi feel so sad n think y wil i lost to her?? Y wil JH be wif her oso not mi?? Am i reali tat bad??? Haiz.. But think back.. Wat can i give her?? I'm not rich n no bike.. Wat can i give her?? Al i have n can give is jus a heart n care!! Which lyk not much ppls wil wan anymore liao lor.. Haiz.. reali dono lor.. My mind n heart is reali so fan nw lor... Y cant i be rich n have wat i wan?? I jus wish tat i jus can have someone who i lyk 2 be 2gether only lor.. But it jus wun seen to let mi have it.. Izit reali al my life have to be single??? Haiz.. dono lah.. b4 mit her the day b4 i try do finish the puzzle until moreni 6plus dan slp.. But don think she or care.. Haiz.. Dono she wil throw away or hide it under the bed or... maybe hang on to the well?? Which i don think wil be happen.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. very tired nw.. Today fail my bike again.. Pls lah..... Faster let mi pass can???? -Sad-

Izit the truth??

2005-05-23T16:31:00.000+08:00

Izit the truth tat my feelin is rite?? I get 3 type of puzzle few days ago.. 2 is i wan to give to JH, 1 for myself.. But when i use up 3days to finish 1 puzzle for her tat time, got 1 piec lose!! Reali so angry n sad lor.. I even go to malaysia to buy somethin bac to make the puzzle lor.. But nw leh.. Haiz.. Sad lor.. Stil got 1more box is for her, but don think i wil start so fast.. Coz tat wan i wan to giv her on her bday.. Haiz.. Izit reali mi n her jus a pass by ppl only?? Reali think luv is a very sad thin lor.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. N aft since i start know her, dono y everyweek oso wil go malaysia to eat or shop lor.. Dono how is her nw?? She seen lyk very long nv online liao, n dono how her work too?? Jus can know is she very tired for her work.. But of coz she wil tired lor.. She use to slp in morni wan lor.. Dan nw is lyk morni she got to work lor.. Dan sft work oso nv go bac rest, stil out wif her gf everynite.. (i think) Haiz.. Hope she wil tk gd care of herself lor.. Haiz... Hmm.. say the truth i oso abit the enjoy the life i have, live alone n don have to quarry al tat.. Very enjoy.. Haha.. But of coz i stil wish to have someone in my life..!! Tis few days keep get ask by ppl tat wil i or have think of turn bac str8??? Haiz.. I dono wat to say oso.. Coz i jus enjoy my life nw lor.. I do stil wil look at guy, but i jus wun have feelin lor.. But for gals.. Nw is lyk i oso wil look but oso hard to have any feelin lor.. Hmm.. Jus think tis way is batte for mi..!!! So i wun get hurt lor.. Hahaha.. JK lah..Dono lah.. think jus end here, coz goin out soon.. Last thin is i reali hope JH is doin wel n tk gd care of herself more!! Rest more too.. I miz her everydays.. N go some place tat i did go wif her reali make mi think of her more.. Haiz..

So fan....

2005-05-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

Haiz... dono wat is in my mind nw man?? haiz... But my mind keep thinkin of my bro nw in DB.. Dono how is him inside dere?? Haiz.. y must he always lyk tat?? Lyk to wait until the last min dan know how to think.. Izit abit the very late??? Reali hope tat he can think when inside dere!!!! Aft come out can jus guai guai go do finish his NS.. N i reali feel lyk movin out of tis house!! Always have the feelin tat stay in tis house always feel very fan!! Nv have a min tat my mind can feel nothin inside n rest whenever i at hm.. Haiz.. Don lyk tis type of feelin at al lor.. If reali by jin move out time dey stil don wan say sell tis house dan i have to say a sorry liao.. Coz i wil move out myself!!! Haiz... n today oso a very bad day to mi man.. Go report sick for tk away my att'B', but end up stay the whold day at dere for doin nothin coz the com is down the whold day.. Stupid man........ N the most funny is.. i wan to tk away att'B' dan become get more days for att'B' lor.. Think my wong oso get angry, but nv say out only.. But i reali did try to say to the stupid MO liao lor.. But he jus don wan!!! Augh....-angry- Dan stil have to stay at the stupid med cente the whold day lor.. Wil die man.. Haiz.. last is JH.. Dono y until nw i stil cant forget her.. She is stil in my mind..!!! But wat can i do?? Nv msg or cal her, she oso don seen to care at al lor.!!!! She reali don care bout it man... MY GOD AR!!!!! Haiz... Is so heart pain lor.. Do she know it???? Nw my mum jus buy somethin tat i lyk it very much n she lyk it too!!! JUs make mi think of her more lor!!!!! I reali miz u so much lor.. Y don u care at al?? R u reali forget mi?? I be tryin so hard nw to pass my bike so tat i can ride u to hm when u end work n brin u out!!! I reali so wish lor.. Dan if reali i move out myself how i wish tat u can move in n stay wif mi.. N i oso wil promiz i wil not hurt u n let u be happy everydays!!! Haiz... But is al jus a dream only i know... She wil nv saw al my blog n know how i reali feel lor..!! Everyone keep ask mi to give up n don ever let u know how i reali feel too!! I oso don reali know wat should i do nw lor??? Everydays i be wishin tat one day u wil reali come n msg mi n say u wil reali give mi a chance!!!! Y cant u jus understand how i reali feel for u?? U reali lyk ur gf tat much??? Or maybe she reali is tat gd lor.. Which i oso cant reali give u wat u wan.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. Think jus end here ba.. Last.. JH.. i reali miz n luv u!!!!!!! N hope my bro can reali change to a batte man aft DB!!!

Sad again...

2005-05-15T05:57:00.000+08:00

Am i reali cant be in luv again? Gal tat i lyk have patch back wif her ex again.. Wat can i say or do?? Frien tat close to mi say i give a feelin to dem tat i not reali fal for the gal, jus coz i lost tat no lable.. Izit the truth??But somehow i oso abit think of tis way!! So wat reali am i thinkin?? Is coz i lost to tat ppl or i reali did fal for tat gal?? My mind keep thinkin of her everydays.. reali feel down when i think of her.. Coz my mind wil keep tel mi she is att liao!!! I hate tis type of feelin lor... Last nite wen drink wif frien(13/05/05) i reali feel so down n miz her alot!!! Haiz.. N the bad is.. dono y i keep sayin bad word out!! Which lyk aft know her i try to stop myself to say bad word lor.. only last nite lyk say anythin oso have bad word out!! Say 10 words got 8 words is al bad words out lor.... My god... Cant believ it lor.. Aft tat dan think back wat have happen to mi??? Y do i keep sayin??? Haiz... dono lah... Tis should not be the way i am lor...!!! But i reali miz her alot lor... Y do she att back wif her ex n not give mi a chance?????? Jus coz she got car??? I MUST n TRY hard for my bike dan try get car too!!!! I'm not sayin tat gals only go for tat, but i oso wan my bike to pass fast!!! Dono lah.. Sad nw lor... Haiz... Do she reali fal for her gf?? How i reali reali reali wish she can cal mi one day n say she wil give mi a chance to be her gf!! feel so sad when out wif frien lor.. Al is att only i am the one tat not!! Don reali lyk the feelin of it!! Haiz.. But wat can i do rite... Jus act as nothin lor.. Sad...... Jh......... Y??Y??Y???? Y cant i have the chance??? Reali miz u alot alot nw!!!! Haiz... U wil nv read al my blog, coz i nv give u my add n think aft u read u may not feel anythin or may wil say i am stupid.. But i don mind be ur stupid lor... I jus luv the way u r.. I don mind u r gd or bad!! So pls don keep say so much to mi, as i don mind any of ur thin at al lor!!!!! I luv u!!!

Haiz...

2005-05-08T18:40:00.000+08:00

wat a fuckin day again.. Fail my pact again man.. Don have anyfeelin of tkin my bike liao.. But don care wat i MUSt pass it by tis yr.. Haiz.. Another sad thin is i can nv get the gal i wan.. Haiz.. Aft cant get her i reali don feel for anythin anymore.. N we nv chat or msg for long oso liao.. Sometime saw her sign in msn reali feel wan chat wif her, but jus dono wat to say n c the way she reply reali sad wan lor. Can feel she lyk don wish to chat wif mi.. Haiz.. wat have i done?? Reali feel down lor.. Even work place oso make mi mad.. Think of AMFF ppls comin back next week reali sain n nw got one more stupid reali tryin to make everyone angry her dan she happy lor.. Same under att'B' dan y stil wan make hard for ppls?? I can try dan y cant she try too?? Haiz.. reali dono her lah.. JH.. reali miz u alots.. My feelin be so down since the day u ask mi to give up until nw.. Wat can i do to have u by my side?? Y wun u chat wif mi in msn liao? Did i reali do somethin wron to make u angry?? Can u jus tel mi?? U reali don feel for mi anymore? Izit u have fall for other?? Haiz.. wat should i do?? I reali don lyk the feelin of down until i cant do anythin from heart!!! Haiz... tat fucker is back again liao.. Dono wat wil goin to happen again?? We wil jus wait n c for it.. Haiz.. Think jus end here liao.. Usin other ppl com, coz my com got virse.. Saiz.... Last.. JH i miz u lots....

Reali regert for wat i reply..

2005-04-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. reali so regert nw dat wat i have reply her tat day!! If i nv reply tat way, n try to wake myself up jus to ask her y thin wun happen until lyk nw..!! She wun be att to tat no lable ppl.!! Tis is the secon time tat i lost to no lable ppl again!! Haiz.. But last nite wat she say reali make mi wun feel so sad n angry.. But of coz my heart is stil abit the sad tat nw she belong to other ppl liao.. I dono should i reali go get her back not?? I know tis is not a gd thin n i oso don wish to hurt tat no lable ppl, as she reali fal for JH too!! Tis type of feelin is not gd, coz i did get try b4 tis type of feelin!! But JH oso don lyk tat no lable too!!! I jus wish n hope tat i wun think of so much n jus go get her back to mi...!!! Haiz.. I oso reali dono wat to do nw?? Reali miz her nw.. How i wish can hug her nw n say i do reali hope u can be my gf!! But i jus cant do it... I can only is blame myself for be so stupid tat i reply her tat way.. Haiz...

M.C day again..

2005-04-21T16:08:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. Got two day m.c again.. N 6week of light duty lor... My god... Haiz.. Jus get F by kwek only, sain.. Haiz.. tat's not wat i wan lor.. I reali regert for wat i did to my stupid hand liao lor.. Y i do so stupid thin last time?? Haiz.. Think bac again i have alot of thin i have miz out n cant be done.. Jus lyk pack chut n go for my jump.. I don wan to miz my jump again lor.. Nw my hand is gettin batter, but stil cant reali can do alot of thin is so sain lor.. Last nite i jus got a hp tat i have hope to have it for very lor.. Hehe.. But oso use up al my money too!! Die liao lor.. But know wat?? My mind is stil thinkin of her again.. I reali try to forget her, but it jus seen to be so hard.. Do i reali fall for her?? I oso dono wat happen to mi?? Everydays wil miz her n thin only happen jus in a week time only, yet seen to be lyk happen very long ago liao.. Tis few days i can feel tat i stil seen lyk try to stop myself for sayin bad word.. Haha.. Abit the stupid lor.. How i wish she is online nw or can mit her nw.. But jus too bad, coz think she stil slpin lor or out ba.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. Sain.. Next week 25/04 n 26/04 on course man.. Stil got to wear no.4 to so far lor.. But gd oso lah.. Can run away from tat stupid place for awhile.. JH..... can u tel mi y do i keep thinkin of u?? I should know tat a butch can only be alone forever!!! Tis i reali got to believ it!! Coz i have nv saw any butch be att forever wan lor.. Hmm.. Think i start to anyhow talk again.. Don care bout it, jus tk it i anyhow type for today.. Haha... But somethin i say is reali wat i mean.. Hmm.. k lah, batter stop here b4 reali al stupid thin come out.. Haha..

Am i lucky or wat??

2005-04-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

Should i say tat i'm lucky or wat?? In last blog i did say i reali hope JH can be my gf, but nw i know i have no more chance liao.. Haiz.. Lucky is maybe i stil not reali fal for her yet so i don reali get hurt.. But somehow i jus keep thinkin n mizin her.. Tryin in al ways jus not to think of her.. Don even dare to tel ppl bout it.. Haiz.. Dono wat to say oso.. Stil ask mi to change her.. Not even try yet n it's al gone liao.. Reali dono wat to say oso nw.. My mind keep thinkin of her, how i wish i can mit her today.. But too bad.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. Jus keep feelin down nw.. Tis few days oso dono wat happen to mi..?? In the morni don feel any tired lor.. Jus aroun aftnoon only stil very tired liao, last nite think is my first time to slp so early lor.. At 9pluz start slp until the next day morni dan wake up go work lor.. Die man.. Reali goin to turn pig soon liao.. Haiz.. Tat's my life to be alone forever i think.!! Not even start yet dan gone liao.. Reali feel so shy for myself lor.. I should happy too.. But i jus don feel the happy at al.. I have got my rank tat it should be my in 8month ago lor.. But i jus don feel the happy lor..No one know bout it oso lor.. Nv tel anyone bout it.. Coz jus don feel the need.. At first i reali wish to tel her first, coz i lyk her.. I reali wish to share my happy thin wif the gals tat i lyk.. But haiz.. can jus forget it liao.. So wat the point to tel ppls?? Even my family ppl oso don even know bout it.. 1st of may 2005 wil be the day i start my 2SG liao.. Haiz.. nw keep feelin down.. So wish i wil dare to tk up my hp n msg her, ask wan mit not?? But thin she oso not free lah.. Dono lah.. sad case i have again.. Haiz..

Sad..

2005-04-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. dono to say sad or wat nw? Sometine i reali tot i have get over her n ready for other, but thin jus reali not wat i think.. Jus lyk last nite at D.S dere.. At first everythin was ok, til some song tat i heard it make mi think of her again.. Got the feelin reali feel lyk cry out, but wun!! Haiz.. dan who know JH set my wallpaper to her i reali abit the angry lor.. Haiz.. Until nw i wander lor.. Can she stil be the secon gal in my heart??? Thin tat wat she did to mi i can nv goin to forget it lor.. But watever it is.. i wil nv let it haeppen to my life again i promiz.. Nw i lyk a gal, but too bad i cant reali ask her be my gf.. Coz she don reali wan to be any1 gf nw.. She jus way the way we r nw.. Haiz.. I oso don reali feel much sad, dono y too?? But i jus think she is the type tat i wish to wan.. She got lotz of thin tat same wif mi.. Jus lyk don lyk to quarry n she is reali cute.. N she can miz wif my frien wel n she don reali lyk to go club jus lyk mi.. she talk chinese too.. But maybe one thin we r diff nw is she only slp in the morni dan nite is out.. Haha.. But hope when she start work time she can change.. Haiz.. I oso dono can i reali change her to setter down not?? she ask mi to try.. But how? I tot al tis is up to the ppl mind lor.. Haiz.. Dono lah.. i can only jus be n do wat my way is.. If reali cant, nothin much i can reali do oso.. But i reali wish she can be my gf n pei mi to setter down lor.. Nw i oso don lyk to go know ppls aroun, n know dem again al tat.. Is so tired n sain lor.. Each time oso start again n again, but the end was get hurt.. Y must it be my life in tis type of way?? Cant it be more batter?? I jus wish tat i can jus have a gf to pei mi reali setter down tat's al only.. Haiz.. c my frien can have a gf to pei, but mi leh.. No... jus alone.. Sain lor.. I don wan oso.. JH.... Wil u reali can change for mi n be my gf?? I reali wish tat u can be my gf.. Maybe i wil say tat nw i don reali feel tat sad,but is stil sad lor.. I'm not jus sayin or jk, is al reali from my heart!! Haiz.. Dono lah.. Jus let it be ba.. JH.. I reali miz u nw..

I hate to get bluff!!!!

2005-04-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

Wah.... i am reali so f---in angry nw.... I hate the feelin of get bluff.... If reali don wan mi go jus say so.... Don ask mi stay at hm n wait lyk a fool can?? I can out wif my other frien... Wast al my time n bluff mi... I hate u al.. (mum&eric) N wat u al tk mi as? I AM ON MC, not for nothin.. U al r u the same as my work ppls dere not much diff!!! I am on mc, stil ask mi cook everydays for u al to eat n stil got so much to say but the food tat i cook!! N nvm.. I got my bor is i wan go out play n keep... Not use al the money jus to buy al the food for u al!!! 600pluz lor... Al my 600pluz is use on the stupid food to cook for u al lor... Don u al anyone think of mi not?? Need money dan come to mi, dan don need or go anywher fun got cal mi not?? I reali nothin to say bout u al lor.. I HATE U AL........ Wat the stupid thin i reali do lor.. Everydays reali go think wat to cook dan my hand pain who can i talk too??? No one lor.. Tel u al bout my hand dan jus only reply by sayin is lyk tat lah or coz u nv exece al tat... Al the bull shit lor.. Who reali care bout mi?? Always say i only know how to think of myself nv think of the rest.. Pls lor... U al go think b4 reali come say mi lah.. Who start to think of itself first??? Who come reali think of mi?? Nw i stay at hm dan al can come back as late as dey can... Throw the small wan to mi dan u al go have fun!!!! Best lor.. Wat can i say somemore?? Don think i reali is a fool lor.. Reali dono wat u al do outside lor... Jus i don wan to say much lor... Hump... Nw back liao stil can reali act as nothin happen!!! WIN.... I got nothin to say... Reali so angry lor.. Angry until dono wat to say lor.. Haiz... Wat am i reali to everyones?? Gal tat i lyk do tat to mi, frien n work ppl do tat best thin to mi n nw even my family... Wat reali i am to u al?? Jus for u al to play n make use izit?? I reali wish to know y do god wan mi to come to tis hurt ful place for?? Jus to get hurt n sad over everythin?? Haiz.. I oso know i have change to a ppl tat i wun talk much to anyones n everythin i jus lyk to keep it to myself.. For wat i say out? Even wan say out, who can i talk to? No one lor... I F------ hate tis type of life i have it nw lor.... Haiz...

Wat a day..

2005-04-07T22:32:00.000+08:00

Hmm... nothin much to say today.. Ya.. Last nite talk wif a gal until tis mornin 6am+ man.. Dan stil got to wake up early for app.. But.. i miz my B.E so i only go for my hand wan.. Hmm.. Gd thin is my hand is seen to gettin batte, but.. It jus seen to be more bigger for my hand liao.. So i oso don reali know is a gd thin or bad thin?? Haiz... Ya.. Last nite is reali scare mi to the hell man.. Haha.. Was talkin on the phone dan sayin some ppl back thin.. Dan who know she say somethin to my bro.. Haha.. Nite time reali cant say ppl back thin.. Hmm.. Dono y out of no wher i miz her again.. Sometime i reali wander.. Y i miz agnes time i wun feel sad but happy.. But when i miz shan time is only sad but not happy.. Y?? Haiz... Heard tat she's sick nw.. Dono how is she?? Somemore stil on exam nw.. Haiz.. Hope she got c doctor n guai guai eat the med.. If not sick wun get wel.. Ar.......... Dono lah... Batte don think too much... Let's say bout my ah boy.. Oh... my poor boy man... Dono wat happen to his body?? Somethin reali very bad.. Haiz.. Sometime reali cant give him make until feel wan throw him away.. But.. I wun.. Haha.. Coz he jus same as mi.. Sometim can be gd n sometim can be bad too.. Haha.. He reali very playful too.. *jus lyk mi*.. hehe.. Hmm.. wander wat he doin? no noice from him.. Later batte go tk a look at him.. At less i know tat dogs wun leave u or hurt u.. Not lyk human.. Hmm.. Jus lyk jus nw.. he know tat my hand is pain.. Dan he jump up to mi.. Tot he wan to play.. but... his not.. He lick on my hand tat is in pain.. Jus lyk tryin to sayang mi.. feel so happy.. Haha.. Wat to do.. My ah boy wat.. Haha.. -BHB- K lah.. think jus stop here first liao.. nothin to say liao.. Last is.. I reali pray hard tat she wil get wel soon n pass her exam wif flyin colour... Tk gd care too.. Yayaya.. n of coz my ah boy body can get wel oso.. Hehe..

030405

2005-04-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

Nw jus out to mit a frien dat jus know her from fridae.. Somethin funny out when we jus first mit.. Haha.. First ting is she get dwon the rite buz-stop, but she walk until the next buz-stop which is wron.. dan she walk back.. The next thin is her slpper spoil thw min we jus bout start walk only.. Haha.. Dan.. We go look for slpper for her dan we sit at a blk n talk.. Dan her mum ask her buy somethin we went to inter NTUC dere to buy.. As wat she say the first time we mit lyk somethin not rite.. Coz first is slpper spoil dan is we go NTUC n shop lor.. Haha.. Which i nv have try b4.. Hmm.. Dono lah.. But she did ask mi.. Wil i regret for wat i did to my hand not?? Say the truth i oso dono am i regert not? I jus think tk it as a less for mi n rem wat have ever happen in my life b4!! N the stupid doctor oso.. At first say nothin.. Dat day back for appt dan c again tel mi say my hand got disloc..If 3weeks time stil cant get wel, maybe have to go for op.. Wat a stupid doctor lor.. N coz i got 15days mc i get 'f' from my work dere.. Haiz.. Jus feel abit bad, coz i try until so hard to change in my work place dan nw coz of the stupid thin n ppls i hurt my hand until lyk dat.. I did promiz myself i wun coz of r/s or anythin to stop mi for workin al dat.. But wat i did nw? N m'wong have try her best n m'kwek to let mi get my PB dan i don al tis out.. WAT THE FUCK AM I DOIN??? Haiz.. Reali abit hate myself for wat i fall in luv wif someone tat is att n y do i intro her to tat fucker?? Reali hate myself so much!! Nw to dem it's jus lyk nothin happen b4 n jus do wat dey use to be.. I' only the fool tat cant forget.. Coz when i try to forget, jus look at my stupid pig hand wil rem everythin n wat happen on tat day.. Wat dey say b4 wil nv get out from my mind!! Haiz.. I reali cant believ tis type of thin wil happen to mi.. Y? Y izit so unfair to mi? Cant i reali fal in luv wif someone?? Tis reali is my life?? Jus to get hurt only?? Haiz..

Wat's is in my mind?

2005-04-05T19:48:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. al the sad thin have past it for so long, nw jus out of no wher it jus seen to come out to my mind again.. I be tryin very hard to forget everythin tat ever happen to mi, but how much can i reali try? Jus tk shan to say.. Until nw i oso dono do i reali give up her not? When msn wif her i reali dono wat to talk to her n it feel so sad when she say thin bout tat fu_ker.. Haiz.. When listen to it i wil jus try to make her anger al tat.. Is not wat i wan, but i cant stop myself from doin it.. Don care wat she don even feel anythin at al.. Until my hand stil in pain she don even botto to ask how my hand? Not at al.. Haiz.. Izit reali tat fu_ker reali tat gd?? Sometim i reali wish n pray hard tat on her way to US somethin go wron n let her die lor.. But even tat so nothin gd for mi oso wat.. Haiz.. Cant tel any1 how i feel is reali so sad lor.. In msn someppl is oso get hurt too.. But dey can show out but not mi.. Coz i wish tat ppl can get over watever sad thin dey have n go on wif a happy days.. Tat's y i wil choose to act as nothin happen to mi n i have get over al the sad thin.. At here i jus wan say a sorry to shan, coz each time when talkin to her or msn i wil behave very bad to her try to make her angry.. Shan i'm sorry hope u can jus understand mi.. Dono y wat i try or wat is al jus useless to u.. I wil nv get ur heart i know.. I wun pray hard for u to back or wat, coz even if ever wil happen i wun choose to back wif u.! Coz the pain tat u give is reali so hurt until nothin can tk over the pain when ever i think of the thin tat happen!! Sometime i reali think i have to thank to u n tat fu_ker too.. Coz if not until nw i stil a fool to u al n i wun lyk nw.. Back to my own world again.. Reali have to thank to u al.. Aft so hard of tryin i get out from my world, but jus a kick from u al i get back to my world liao.. Haiz.. But i reali don feel the feelin of hate u at al, i dono y oso?? Haiz.. Nw i oso dono wat type of life tat i have?? Somemore wif tis duck hand more dono lyk wat?? I only regret y tat day i hurt my hand? If not i stil can back to work n do wat ever i wan.. Nw i cant work n stil get scold for it.. Reali hate myself.. Haiz..